Red Flag or Really Smitten?


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  • This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 2 months ago by Maddie.
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  • #943593 Reply
    Queen

    About 2yrs ago I went on 2 dates with a guy I met online. From what I recall the dates were pretty good, he seemed really into me(his words), and we chatted for a few days after the 2nd date, but then he said he got some bad news and I never heard from him again. Then recently he “liked” me on a dating app, I matched, we realized we had met, and decided to meet again. There wasn’t really a discussion about what happened before. However he kept saying how excited he was to see me again, and he was deleting his dating profile we went on one date, it was nice, he did compliment me A LOT. And he does this via text a lot too. Next day he sends me texts about how amazing I am and how he’s “soooooooo falling in love with me”
    I didn’t even know what to say. I didn’t respond. He sent several other messages after it, and I eventually responded to those and never acknowledged the love thing. It kinda made me uncomfortable. He really REALLY lays it on thick, like every day in the messages. How incredible, beautiful, smart, amazing etc I am. Idk if this is partly my fault because I told him my love language was thoughtful gestures(and acts of service).
    We went on a second date and it was much of the same. I do think it’s sweet, but also something in me says ehhh idk the higher he puts me on a pedestal the further I will fall….
    He said he wants to be my boyfriend, and I said “aww that’s sweet” (I realize now this was a mistake). Because he took this as me saying yes and now I don’t know how to pull this back down.
    Both dates he told me “I was going t bring you flowers, but…” first time was “but the shop I like was closed” second time was “but I didn’t know what you like”
    Like why even tell me you were “going to” if you didn’t??
    So tell me, is this love bombing? What do I do? I think he could be a good or great guy, maybe, but I barely know him yet!

    #943594 Reply
    Raven

    Sounds like love bombing…

    Disappeared for 2 years after some bad news;
    Got caught cheeting,
    Was in jail,
    Abducted,

    #943595 Reply
    AngieBaby

    You think he could be a good or great guy? ROTFL. Oh HELL NO. You’ve got to raise your standards, like two years ago. You also need to start acting on your gut instincts much earlier.

    This is a non-starter. Guy ghosts you with no explanation, he gets no second chance. And the rest of his behavior… I guarantee he’s a hardcore liar/player and probably was cheating back then and still cheating now. Yes, it’s definitely love bombing. If you can’t just block him, tell him you don’t see this going anywhere. The less you say the better. Just get away. I can almost guarantee he will ghost you again.

    NEXT!

    #943596 Reply
    Queen

    I asked him when was he in a relationship last, he said 9 months ago, for 1.5 yrs. And just now thinking about the timeline since both of you mentioned cheating….. kinda lines up…. The other thing that gave me the ick was he described the reason they didn’t work out, “because I was tired of being a dick with a wallet. Arm candy. Supporting someone who just liked me for hot D*”
    Now I’m not trying to be mean or anything, I don’t judge people by their looks, but if I had to, I wouldn’t say he is “hot”, he’s cute sure, and I’m attracted to him, but that was a big turnoff. The way he described himself gave me that ick feeling.
    You’re right Angie, I really need to trust my gut sooner.
    Not sure how I’ll tell him, maybe I’ll wait til tomorrow. Maybe I’ll block. Idk I’m a bit nervous about it

    #943597 Reply
    Raven

    Why are you nervous?

    You’re (the) Queen, Off with his head!

    #943598 Reply
    AngieBaby

    Queen, that’s crude and gross. NO. Not up to your standards. Get away from this guy fast. Do you think he won’t leave you alone or something?

    #943599 Reply
    Maddie

    Anyone who says they’re falling in love with you after one date is emotionally unstable / probably love bombing, not smitten. Plus you have allll the other red flags like the disappearing and what you’ve learned was likely cheating and how callously he talks about women while also deliberating misunderstanding things so he can hear what he wants to hear and do what he wants to do (meaning he has no respect for women, it’s all about him) and his very low effort laying it on thick with words and no follow up (how is it your fault to say you like thoughtful gestures and in turn receive a barrage of meaningless love bombing words of affirmation?). Yes, listen to your gut immediately next time, and make sure to keep your standards for acceptable dating behavior high. This is not it.

    Lol Raven @ abducted… maybe by aliens?

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