Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Not sure what to do here?
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Misty
Hello. I am separated and my daughter and I are living together. She has a guy friend who is 21. They aren’t serious but hang out and talk a lot and its obvious there are some feelings there. My daughter is 19. Also, something else about myself: I apparently look very young for my age. It doesnt matter where I go, especially if my daughter and I are together, i am always being asked if we are sisters and how young i look. Even when we crossed the border back into the US from Canada the BP officer was wondering where the mom was.
Ok, so with that, my problem is with this guy friend. I am always catching him staring at me. He usually looks down or away but there have been times when he hasn’t…
Sometimes especially with monopoly, he will touch or like rub my hand when we are exchanging money or dice, I act like I dont even notice. But then sometimes he will act nervous around me and act like he doesnt want to be in the same room with me without my daughter. But when we do converse it’s always good conversation with lots of smiles.
So, the other night after he had given my daughter and I some gifts (Christmas) and I had given him the one I had for him, the 3 of us were standing at the door saying bye and Merry Christmas. I gave him a side hug and he just stood there….but then he had this huge grin and red face but then immediately walked over to my daughter and have her a side hug. Then he left and I of course felt horrible. My daughter actually laughed about it.
So, what does this all mean? What do I do ? What do I not do? I really have been trying to ignore all the little things even wondering if I’m just imagining things.kaye
Are you kidding? First you are separated and not divorced, so deal with that situation. Second your daughter has feelings for this guy so why are you even entertaining this or flirting with him? Third, why don’t you leave the two of them alone to play Monopoly or whatever…who seriously wants their mom hanging out with them and their guy friend? Why don’t you give them the chance to be alone and get to know each other?
My recommendation would be to make yourself scarce and go find your own social life. To me this doesn’t even sound like a problem. Almost a fantasy you have that this guy is staring at you or touching you to stroke our ego. If you look like your daughter and he’s attracted to your daughter then of course he finds you attractive. But it’s not something a grown woman should act on!
And a hug doesn’t mean anything. Why are you trying to stir up drama? If he’s coming over to spend time with you daughter then you go hang out with a friend, go shopping, get a manicure, whatever. Or have them go hang out where he lives. Maybe he’s staring at you because you’re always around and he’s wondering when he might get some alone time with her!!
Misty
Ok, I believe you have completely misunderstood this. They do get time alone, he doesnt want her over where he lives, my daughter wants me there. This is all new to me as #1 I am single parenting (just coming out of a very abusive relationship for both me and my daughter) and #2 this is the first guy friend she has ever had over. I want to actually avoid attention or confrontation. I’ve just never had anything like this happen before and was hoping to find some insight. Also this is my first time posting to a forum.
Raven
Why doesn’t he want your daughter at his place?
Don’t let him rub or hold your hand…
Newbie
You are really overcomplicating this. I get it can be uncomfortable when someone looks attracted to you that is involved with someone else, but just dont pay attention to it. He is probably just being friendly. Im sorry to say, but your whole post about how young you look and the bp officer couldnt believe there wasnt a mom present, sounds a bit silly. If you look young, thats great, once youre ready to date again. But read up on dating first otherwise you may miss a lot of red flags
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