This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Anderson 1 month, 3 weeks ago.
November 27, 2019 at 10:19 pm #779521
I feel like I keep meeting guys and they end up just not being the right one for me and its seeming impossible. I’ve had some “meh” first dates, its obvious, and we never go out again. And then I have fantastic first dates. We will talk for hours, they want to see me again right away. I’ve had guys enamored by me. And they tell me they have been looking for someone like me for a long time. I’m smart, mature, and classy. I feel a connection, They often want to move faster than me, wanting to pin me down. I’m the one who sets it to go slower.
We continue to go out. They ask me to be serious and eventually I say yes and we end up in a relationship. But it never lasts. Every single time it goes the same. We are in the relationship and they seem distant at times, quiet, almost bored. I always think its me. But they continue seeing me seriously, so I just don’t know. I feel like I have to step it up to make things more interesting to keep them around and engaged with me. I try talking more and more. I try being exciting and spontaneous. I try to be the perfect girlfriend. Cooking for them, listening to them, and being flexible.
They tell me I’m perfect, they tell me they love me after so long, but I don’t feel the spark or passion like I feel that there should be. Its almost like they are half there when they are with me. At about 6 months or longer, things fizzle. I don’t feel like a priority and often times they then make excuses almost to end things. They don’t even really end things, they simply make excuses like its “them” and they are so busy, so sick, wanting to move away. I’ve heard it all and its all lies. I often then see them with a new woman after a month or two. They feel bad hurting me. How do you go from loving someone to trying to slyly break up with them?
I’m 30 years old. I see my friends and family and they have girlfriends and boyfriends, they are so happy, loyal, and they mesh so well. They compliment each other. I feel like I truly cannot find someone who meshes with me, my personality, and lifestyle.. Someone I can bounce off of and can be funny and really myself. Someone who cares to know that person. I am mature. I am saving for a home. I have a nice car, job, and friend group. I know what I want my future to be. A friend told me once that maybe guys are intimidated by me. I really don’t want that to be true. I’m a humble person.
I feel like I blame it on myself. Maybe I am boring? Maybe I like weird things? Maybe I’m not in shape enough? Maybe there’s just something about me they realize they don’t like?
I am a bit scarred from all these experiences ending the same way. I almost expect it now. I don’t know what keeps going wrong. This has been easily the last eight times or more, spanning years since my college days. It just never works. It is always almost the same thing every time. I blame myself. Why can’t I find the right person that sticks?November 27, 2019 at 10:51 pm #779523
Don’t be so hard on yourself .
You don’t really know if your friends’ relationships will even last – many do last for years and then end in divorce even. Then the people who get divorced may say, why are my other friends not divorced yet etc etc .
But let’s say everyone else does indeed have amazing relationships…
I’ve had similar issues to you and I only recently realized that I was ignoring red flags early on. It’s easy to get caught up in a relationship when there is chemistry but when that dies down and all you’re left with is figuring out whether personalities mesh, it’s easy to fall short .
So perhaps look back and see if you could have spotted signs in early dating months that you and your exes were not right for each other . If so, your picker may be off and you may need to look at other characteristics of the person you are dating early on— focus on their personality and the reasons they like you or you like them . Make sure physical attraction is NOT the major factor on top of that list for either of you (you may like his personality but if you sense he’s into you mostly for looks that is a sign).November 28, 2019 at 2:33 am #779528
Voice of reason
Stop looking for it. Enjoy being single. Flirt when you want to, date whoever you want to and have fun in those moments. Stop trying to sell yourself and just be yourself.
Try not to get so caught up in the payoff of a relationship. The more you try to force something to happen or rush it so you can get your exclusive status, the more you will sabotage yourself and push the guy away or end up with a guy you spent too long with and shouldn’t have. Take your time. One day at a time. Slow and steady wins the race.
Learn how to be happy on your own. The right person will come in its own time and if it never does, at least you’re still happy. Quit feeling sorry for yourself.November 28, 2019 at 5:43 am #779529
I had some similar experiences to you myself.
I would meet a guy, he’d be super into me but I wouldn’t be that much into him. No real spark, no chemistry.
Eventually he would ‘win’ me over and we’d have sex and then… All of a sudden… I’d get really into him and really clingy and want to be with him all the time and he’d just start pulling away.
It was like, where is the guy who was so into me a short while ago? Where has he gone?
Now he’s all sullen and annoyed that I want to spend so much time with him. Bored almost.
In my case, I have attachment issues. I change when things get serious. My feelings change but the way I am changes to. In the beginning, I’m carefree and not really caring about much. He’s into me and pining away but I’m just like meh whatever. When that dynamic changes I change and I suppose for them maybe it feels like they were with someone completely different. It certainly feels that way for me.
But that was me. I can’t speak for you.November 28, 2019 at 10:03 am #779531
Wholeheartedly agree with Better Off’s comment.
Dating can be brutal. Don’t take it personally. You actually sound nice. And I’m rather curious why you have this pattern, if it’s anything besides bad luck. Off the top of my head, maybe you’re too perfect? I can’t speak for others but I like my women to be flawed or deficient in some ways that makes me feel needed. I’m old fashioned and it’s fulfilling to feel depended on. (Not the same as princess attitudes)