Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › My boyfriend tried to trap me in a relationship with him?
- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 4 years, 1 month ago by
LaFrance Thibodeaux.
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shNia
My boyfriend has a child on the way from his previous relationship l. His ex got pregnant before they broke up
He told me he didn’t wanna tell me because he knows i don’t date men with children and he didn’t wanna lose me
All he keeps saying is “i lied because i thought you would want me anymore. I don’t wanna push you away, i just didn’t want you to leave me alone behind something i couldn’t stop”
I’m so hurt her lie about something this big
Raven
So what are you going to do?
Khadija
Lying about having a child on the way is a BIG deal!
If you don’t want to date someone with kids that’s your choice and he should not have lied.
Keep in mind should you stick around you have a lot to deal with.He will need to co-parent with his ex and this is a new born. Babies need lots of time and attention, so expect that he will be there for the baby shower, birth, and all the milestones. That’s if he plans on being a decent father.
Are you okay with all of this?
If not, move on now and cut your losses.K
Why are you wasting your time being hurt? This was his stupid deliberate selfish game to deceive you into staying with him when he knew perfectly well he doesn’t meet your criteria, which you have every right to set. Nothing to do with you. I hope you aren’t going to fall for it. If he lied about this, he will lie about anything and everything. And Khadija is right, he’s going to have his hands full co-parents an infant with an ex. Minefield.
I assume you set the rule for a good reason. I decided at one point in dating I wasn’t dating men with children under 14. I was upfront in my OLD profile about that. Had a guy conveniently neglect to mention his 9 year old and I caught him in the lie on date 6. I got the same BS you got – I didn’t want you to get away, you’re special, I want to be with you. I walked. So should you.
Newbie
Seriously if a guy lying about getting a child is a dealbreaker for you, then why on earth are you not keeping that promise to yourself? This guy isnt holding you hostage in a relationship. It would be a dealbreaker for me, just because its potential drama filled and i dont want that. Plenty more guys or happy being single while he figures out how to be a daddy
Eileen
Hi Shnia, ok so the same thing happened to me 10 years ago..
I was so in love with the guy that I decided to stay with him.
Big mistake… In the beginning everything was going great even better between us, he had very little communication with his ex and we were living normal life.
After a few months, hell begun. The family got involved, he changed thinking of the baby all the time, I was very patient not saying anything I thought it was normal. Until he dumped me overnight to go back with his ex and raise the child together. It broke my heart as I loved him and especially that he was always telling lies saying he could never go back with this woman. But guess what 10 years later they are still together. Happy family. I give you one huge advice: get out!!! He lied to you and will continue to do so.Mandy
Develop healthy boundaries and implement them. He’s lied.
He hasn’t trapped you. He’s not holding you hostage. You are in full control of the outcome. The fact he lied and has a child on the way? Red flags.
Personally, I couldn’t handle the drama and being second to a newborn, which will require significant attention. Run!
Shania
Not that he’s trapped me the fact that his goal was to trap me into staying by not being truthful
kaye
First of all, he hasn’t trapped you! Trapped would be if he got YOU pregnant on purpose to get you to stay with him!! You are free to walk away at any time. Or you could stay with a manipulative liar and deal with the drama with the baby mama and the kid for the next 18-21 years of your life!
Newbie
People lie. The only thing that matters here is this guy your bf at this point or ex bf?
mama
I think a better word instead of “trap” is “trick”. He tricked you into thinking he didn’t have a kid on the way. And then you found out. Not sure how he was going to make that lie work unless he planned on completely abandoning the baby — and who the heck wants a guy that would do something like that?
Call it trapping, tricking, whatever. He LIED. He lied BIG. He thought it was okay to lie because he didn’t want to lose you. That isn’t a sign of someone very ethic or moral. If you want a relationship with someone, find someone you can trust. Sorry but the obvious writing is on the wall.
LaFrance Thibodeaux
One would think that parenthood would be a blessing..A blessing so big that you’d want to world to know..The fact that he’d lie about becoming a father means that he’d lie about anything to get what he wants..My guess is he’s probably still dealing with his BM on the under as well..If I were you I’d step off..Let him be a father because that’s what the child deserves..Also,he put you in a screwed up position on purpose with no regards for your feelings..You should never trust someone like him..Don’t be the woman whom gets blamed for a man not being able to see nor provide for his child..
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