This topic contains 13 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by LaFrance Thibodeaux 3 weeks, 4 days ago.
January 21, 2020 at 7:55 am #783356
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 18 months now and when we first met he told me that he used to smoke week but no longer does. This was a relief for me as smoking of any sort especially weed is a huge dealbreaker for me. A few months into our relationship it was apparent that he lied and he has never quite smoking weed and cigarettes, he just “cut down”. This was hard for me to accept but also hard to walk away as I had fallen hard for him. It’s caused a lot of arguments in our relationship and I’m only just coming to terms with it all now over a year later.
More recently it’s become apparent that he also like to take anabolic steroids! This has made me very angry as it’s another drug which he is choosing to abuse his body with. He has told me he will do it regardless of how I feel about it which has now left me in a difficult position and I honestly don’t feel like we have a future because of his desire to take these drugs! Am I overreacting wanting to end the relationship over thisJanuary 21, 2020 at 8:16 am #783358
You are not overreacting and have every right to end a relationship that is built on lies.
The problem I see with you is that you yourself don’t have boundaries but are acting like his “mommy” telling him what to do and how to behave and that’s not the road to a healthy relationship but the road to misery.
If you choose to say than you cannot bring it up nor argue over it because you are accepting it if you remain in this relationship. You both lack boundaries and without solid or strong boundaries you are going to end up in a dysfunctional, toxic, chaotic relationship. Choice is YOURS, not his, as to whether you want to remain in this cycle of dysfunction because you are evolving into a “Co-dependent” (look it up) by trying to fix a broken man and all your going to do is drive yourself insane—been there, done that, won’t ever ever ever ever do it again.January 21, 2020 at 8:40 am #783359
I wouldn’t say I’ve told him what to do and what not to do. All I’ve done is voiced my opinion on it and tried to make him look at it from another angle.
He is a teacher at a behavioural school with challenging children which he has to restrain on a daily basis. He has stressed many times how hard his job is and how hard it is to deal with children with behaviour problems. I know one of the side effects of steroids is increased anger and aggression which I have experienced with him before whilst he was on steroid (which I didn’t know about then) this worries me and I’m worried about how it will effect the relationship! I’m not trying to be his mommyJanuary 21, 2020 at 9:00 am #783361
it will be a deal breaker for me. I think you have told him many times you don’t approve. but its his life and he chooses to abuse it by taking these drugs. you may try to dissuade him but till he wants to give these up, its not going to happen.
you have to think about this long and hard. do you want to be with someone who is a stoner? if not you have to walk away. you tried making him see sense. but he doesn’t want to. either you accept or you walk away.January 21, 2020 at 10:06 am #783367
I know it’s best that I leave him as there is no future. It’s just really hard for me to approach and make the step. I want to be sure I’m not being hasty. Thanks for the advice ladiesJanuary 21, 2020 at 1:42 pm #783385
Easy there on the judgement about marijuana people, it is legal in many places and will most likely be legal all over within a decade.
That said, any addiction is bad. And steroids particularly.
He made his choice, he will choose the addiction over you. Steroids make people aggressive and mean, which is not the same as weed (goofy and slow) or cigarettes (bad for health and smells aweful).
I will remind you, he said I will choose them over you. Now you choose…January 21, 2020 at 2:11 pm #783388
“He has told me he will do it regardless of how I feel about it…”January 21, 2020 at 2:12 pm #783389
He’s made it clear that he will take these drugs regardless of your feelings.
Tell him given what he said you have decided its best you leave this relationship.
He’s made his choice its time to make yours.January 21, 2020 at 8:21 pm #783427
I dont think that you’re over reacting,but I cant believe of all recreational drugs that marijuana would be a dealbreaker for you..I take it that you’ve never encountered a person on PCP,synthetic weed,crack,or cocaine?..Also the fact that he’s a teacher at a behavioral health school alarms me..Trust me those kids are not dumb by far & one wrong move equals no job,jail time,or both..My question to you is, Are you sure that those are the only drugs he’s on?..Not to be disrespectful..Me personally I look at as if a person were to commit suicide..Its a concious decision & If he chooses to destroy himself then theirs nothing you can do or say except for remove yourself from the situation..Afterall he did lie to get with you only to choose the things he said he didnt do anymore over you..January 22, 2020 at 1:52 am #783431
Yeah I have experience of someone on weed and steroids before and it’s was a negative experience for me in the past therefore I really don’t wish to go though it again. This is why it’s affecting me so much it’s giving me anxiety thinking how about how his actions and personality will change will his taking this stuff!January 22, 2020 at 2:30 am #783435
I used to date a guy some years back we had fabulous chemistry off the charts. I knew he was an occasional stoner. and I was fine with that. during the course of our relationship he made some new friends who were all hard core stoners. he got progressively more into this habit. from an occasional weekend smoking it became an everyday thing. he would meet these group people atlst thrice over the week and also spend all his weekends with them. The common ground was smoking weed.
I once joined their group. I was shocked. people were just kind of hanging out. the place super messy. people just sleeping anywhere. always takeaway food. and someone or the other from the group kept rolling joints and passing their joints. I just couldn’t quite relate to that kind of thing. I asked my bf to make his choice. he did! he chose drugs! it was quite heart breaking and a really terrible time for me.
hence I suggested that no matter what you say till he wants to quit it is not gonna happen. so either u accept him with his bad habits or move on.January 22, 2020 at 8:34 am #783439
How did you take the step to move on?
I’ve dedicated my life to him for a year and a half and we’ve got so much planned for this year that I don’t know what the best way to walk away from the relationship is. I know I need to do it because I’m torturing myself by staying with him but it’s hard to know how to get on with itJanuary 22, 2020 at 11:04 am #783442
I’ve gone through a similar experience. I dated a guy in college who told me he only occasionally smoked weed and he would never do it around me. However, the more time he and I spent together the more it because apparent he was doing it all the time! It got to where when we would be at parties he would be in the back getting high with his friends and not spending any time with me. I have no desire to be around people who smoke weed, I have chosen not to do it myself and it is still illegal in the state where Iive so I don’t have any tolerance for it. There were a couple times we got pulled over for speeding or running a stop sign and he was freaking out because he had weed on him! Guess what people, if you don’t have it on you, there’s nothing to worry about! I never had to deal with that and didn’t like it at all so I gave him an ultimatum. He could keep smoking it or he could keep me. Supposedly he chose me. We went several weeks where I was so happy he wasn’t doing it and our relationship was even better. He was much more productive, wanted to go out and do things with me instead of sitting around getting high all day. We were taking walks, hiking, biking, going to the lake swimming. His house and his car were cleaner and tidier and his clothes didn’t smell like week all the time.
UNTIL…we were having a party at our apartment where I lived at the time with 2 female roommates. One of them had to leave to go to the store for more alcohol and pizza and her car was blocked in. I told her my boyfriend would take her and went to find him. As I did a friend of both of us pulled me aside and said he didn’t need to be driving her anywhere! I’m like what on earth are you talking about? He doesn’t drink and he hasn’t been high in months! He said he couldn’t break his confidence because they were best friends. I said you have to tell me why he can’t drive her and I will never tell him who told. Apparently he and 3 or 4 other guys were back in my bedroom dropping acid!! I was furious. I was so pissed off and went to confront him and looked in his eyes and I knew. That was it. Unfortunately that was also my most public and awful breakup to date. I told him I knew what he did and I wanted him out of my place and I never wanted to see him again! He freaked out, got upset, grabbed me and was shaking me telling me not to break up and I didn’t know the whole story and it was a screaming fight were one of our male friends literally had to pull him off of me and throw him out of our apartment.
I never looked back. I went on to marry someone else and he went on to never really make anything of himself. It took him 25 years before he finally got married and during that time he would tell my mother, my aunt, my friends and his friends how he can’t believe he messed up and let me get away, how he was still in love with me and never got over me. I didn’t care. I have absolutely no tolerance for drugs of any kind. It’s a boundary and a no compromise area for me. Was I in love with him? Yes, very much so. But love can’t conquer all. That’s a romantic comedy and not real life. I have no regrets we didn’t end up together. And he never did have any children and I went on to have 3 wonderful kids I wouldn’t trade even though I’m no longer with their dad.January 22, 2020 at 6:37 pm #783461
Rheanne,As Tammy stated ‘Either you accept him with his bad habits or move on’..Those are really the only 2 choices you have..If being in a relationship causes you anxiety imagine on down the line if you build a life with him..You’ll be miserable!..In situations like this always choose you!..Your happiness & well being is always more important & should be first priority..I wish you the best hunny!..