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- This topic has 2 replies and was last updated 3 years, 9 months ago by
T from NY.
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Ashley
I’ve been dating this guy for 3 months (I know it’s not a lot of time) but we’ve really hit it off and are seriously dating and by everything he does, I can tell he loves me. He just won’t say it yet. My family is moving to another state and I can’t afford the current city I’m living in due to high rent prices. In a conversation we had a month ago, he told me he wouldn’t do long distance. After that, we became serious and I talked to him again about it recently and he said he would try it but doesn’t want to do it long term. I’m planning on moving for the short term but we were talking about maybe moving to a different city together so we can be together. He’s still deciding on that but do you guys think if a guy loves you he’d move with you or try to make it work long distance? I’m not sure if he’s just not in it enough and that’s why he doesn’t want to do long distance. I don’t want the relationship to be over but is that too much to expect from him? I’m willing to do the long distance but it just sounds like he doesn’t want to.
Liz Lemon
Just to clarify, do you live with your family? Is that why you have to move, because you can’t afford to stay behind? Could you stay and find roommates or something, if you have a job?
Three months of dating is not enough time in a relationship to make a major decision like moving to a new city together. You are still in the honeymoon period. It’s great that you hit it off so well. But, you can’t make a long-term decision about the future of the relationship at this point. It’s simply too soon.
Not everyone is cut out for long distance. At least he’s being honest with you. I don’t know what it says about his feelings for you, it could be that he cares about you very much but just doesn’t see long distance as something he can do. How far away are you moving? Would you be able to see each other often? There’s a big difference in LDR between being 1 state away and being across the country, for example. If you’re closer it’s easier to visit. But, it sounds like he just doesn’t want to deal with all that.
I don’t think it’s reasonable after 3 months of dating to expect someone to commit to move to another city to be with you. And if he doesn’t want to do long distance for whatever reason, you can’t force him. So I don’t really see a way out of this. You have to respect his wishes.
T from NY
It is not his responsibility to move to another city to facilitate your relationship. You should be attempting to find roommates, stay with a friend etc if you like this guy so much you want to stay. Do you already have a job? Why would you move with your family if you are an adult?
Anyway. Also. Please keep in mind – your relationship is brand new and there is no way to know if it will last. And sometimes men do well and feel strongly about you – especially if they know there’s an end-date. His honesty about not wanting a LDR shows he is practical and will make decisions that are good for him without making promises. I think it’s fine if you’ve met someone and feel a connection to have them be ONE consideration for you, but there should be a host of other considerations you’re making right now about your life, your job and your housing.
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