This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by K 1 month, 2 weeks ago.
December 2, 2019 at 1:57 pm #779721
We’ve been dating since the end of August. We’re both in the early 30’s. He is open that he’s separated but not divorced yet and it’s in the process. He invited me to his parent’s home for Thanksgiving so I went with him. My parents did our dinner on Friday because of the schedule for my siblings.
During the dinner with his family his wife drops in. They have a 4 year old son whom I’ve met before and she drops off the kid. I’m sort of in shock then the woman hugs me when we’re introduced and tells me what a great guy he is.
He’s always said he had a good relationship with his soon to be ex-wife and they were joking about the divorce but it was surreal. Even his aunt came up and mentioned that I should just keep smiling and pretend things are normal.
I’m not sure what to do. It’s so weird. I think they are all nuts now. Should I break up with him and look for a more normal person?December 2, 2019 at 2:13 pm #779722
Really? You would rather he have a contentious, dramatic relationship with his ex wife? Not all divorces are bitter and if people with children can maintain a healthy relationship for the sake of the kids, I applaud them.
When my ex and I divorced, there was very little acrimony or anger because we both realized we just weren’t a good fit long term and were absolutely committed to healthy co-parenting our daughter. We didn’t even hire an attorney for the divorce and actually high fived on the way out of the courtroom. He’s engaged now and I adore his fiance. She is a wonderful addition to my daughter’s life, a MUCH better fit for him and I hug her every time we are all together (yes, we all sometimes spend portions of holidays together because we’re both still close to the in laws as well). I personally invited her to my daughter’s college graduation and an upcoming Christmas party.
Why is maintaining a positive, happy, non romantic relationship with those we used to love “not normal”? You should be thankful you won’t have to deal with any drama between them and just worry about how you interact with him and his son.December 2, 2019 at 2:49 pm #779723
Why are you dating a married man?December 2, 2019 at 3:27 pm #779724
I’m with Raven. There’s something off-putting about the “separated but not divorced” thing.
The divorce is “in process”? If the two of them get along so well, what’s taking so long? How far along are they in the process? How recently did they file?
I had a contentious divorce and so did my boyfriend (not from each other! from our previous partners). Mine was finished in 6 months, his was wrapped up in 8 months. Both involved young children and were very bitter. Even so, we were able to get our divorces over with in 6-8 months. I understand that the length of time to get divorced varies depending on many factors. But my question is, if these two are such great buddies, why don’t they just sign the paper and get it over with already? I think it’s strange and I would be uncomfortable also.December 2, 2019 at 5:52 pm #779732
Not sure why you think they’re all nuts now. You’re the one who is dating a married man! Certainly by signing on for this situation you are inviting drama. But it sounds like she was very welcoming to you and there don’t appear to be any red flags that she hates him and wants to make his life miserable. And because there isn’t any drama you want to create some? Don’t date separated men and you won’t have to worry about it.December 2, 2019 at 7:12 pm #779737
Your question indicates that you want to break up with him because you think they’re all nuts. So go do it then. You don’t need our permission. You sound very uncomfortable with the situation. Not every divorce is horrible and nasty and some people like each other very much but just don’t belong married. But all that matters is what you feel about it. Tell him to hit the road. And in the future don’t date separated men. I learned that one, dated a guy who’d been separated for almost three years and assured me it was over but when they got to the lawyer’s office to sign the final papers they decided they had unfinished business and weren’t ready to end the marriage. I dated him for six months and other than the time he told me about his marital status – legally separated – he never mentioned her.I had no idea. Moral of the story – it isn’t over until the fat lady sings and everyone’s signed the divorce papers!