Men Who Don't Follow Through

This topic has 12 replies and was last updated 4 years, 7 months ago by Jan.

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July 23, 2017 at 3:10 pm #643273

Wondering

So I’m trying to live my happiest life and not see dating as stressful but a fun and interesting dimension to my already full life. I’d say I have pretty high standards but a couple of my friends recently mentioned they thought a few of my “rules” might be too rigid and prevent me from finding love.

So here’s a quick scenario and would like a poll on whether you ladies feel they way I do or differently. I feel like I give guys one chance to make a good first impression and if they blow it. I move on. I understand life is unpredictable as emergencies come up. But if a man cancels a first date or doesn’t follow through with what he says I normally just write them off.

So Tuesday I met a guy for coffee for quick first meet up. I thought he was cute. He was polite and we seemed to have to have some things in common. Negatives were: he didn’t smile much, seemed kind of reserved and I couldn’t get a read on how he felt about me. But then at end of meeting in the parking lot l he said he was really glad to have met me and could we get a drink sometime. He was smiling and seemed more relaxed.

I was interested enough that I said sure I would like that. We parted ways. Then 20 min later he texted my phone. Thanked me agin for meeting up and asked about “maybe” grabbing a drink this weekend. Asked what days I was free. I told him.

Never heard another word from him this weekend. I mentioned to my friend how I wasn’t really interested in seeing him again now as his interest seems low and I just feel like it’s rude to have a woman check her calendar and then blow her off. My friend said maybe he got busy or life got in the way and thinks that if he reaches out this week I should reply happily if he sets a specific date to meet.

Truly don’t care about this dude. I’m just wondefring if my thinking is skewed in general. I want a man who’s enthusiastic about me. Thanks for all insight!!

July 23, 2017 at 3:45 pm #643285

Amz

I wouldn’t bother with a guy who doesn’t follow-through either! I’ve had plenty of friends who wanted to give the guy I was dating the benefit of the doubt but ultimately, I’M the one dating the guy, I’M the one who could potentially be hurt by him, therefore it’s MY choice how I deal with it.

July 23, 2017 at 4:07 pm #643293

redcurleysue

No follow through low interest. I agree with you.

July 23, 2017 at 5:24 pm #643306

kaye

Totally agree with your “rules”! If a guy isn’t trying to impress me in the beginning and doing what he says he’s going to do then I move on. Don’t have time to waste on men who are wishy washy. And glad I had that rule and dumped a loser I met online or I may have missed my first date with my hubby!!!

July 23, 2017 at 6:08 pm #643309

Emma

I am with you. This is quite rude actually. I already said in another post, all those benefits of the doubts are denials, and those women who are naive to always look for justifications for low and rude behaviour end up with poor quality men in bad relationships.

July 23, 2017 at 6:23 pm #643313

Wondering

Thanks for the support ladies. I feel good about taking my chances with my high standards!! I’ve decided I’d rather be alone than with not be in the relationship I want!!

@L – sometimes I think you’re funny and right on. This time it makes no sense. If he just said that he wanted to see me again at the end of the date I could see he was “just being nice”. But he texted my phone and asked a second time and asked me to check what days I had free. So that’s something different…. (rude)

Personally I think low quality men are threatened by women who seem so confident. They know in their heart they would’nt be able to handle us! Ha. Lol

July 23, 2017 at 7:55 pm #643341

pop

I do the same. Your friends are crazy.
And I’m with you on that low quality men are threatened by women like you and me. They know they wouldn’t be able to handle us. So they opt out. I’ve had a few guys stop asking me to “hang out” after date 2 or date 3. I know they find me extremely attractive, but they know they ‘re gonna have to put efforts in, which they at this point can’t do. They are good match for less quality women.

July 23, 2017 at 11:03 pm #643383

Wondering

Yo Karen I am just fine and completely understand that every man isn’t going to fancy me. And vice versa. I absolutely do not have a bruised ego about some guy I met for a hot 20 minutes. That’s ridiculous. Keep your rude assumptions to yourself.

And no he didn’t “secure” an exact day but when you ask a lady to tell you which days would be good it infers he’s going to look at his schedule too. I just thought it showed a lack of character after ASKING to not follow up. I couldn’t give two __its about this particular guy. My question was more in general about men saying they are going to do something and then not doing it. I don’t think I’m old fashioned in my notions either. My ex BF always called when he said he’d call, always followed through with plans and generally was a man of his word. That is what I’m looking for.

July 23, 2017 at 11:07 pm #643385

Wondering

And btw — I think it’s totally fair if he changed his mind. He doesn’t owe me a thing. But my original question was if he contacted me this week — should I go out with him? (And my answer is — No) (And he probably won’t. And that’s okay)

July 23, 2017 at 11:31 pm #643387

Pop

Nah, don’t go out with him.

July 24, 2017 at 6:19 am #643425

Lane

Hi Wondering.

Believe it or not but men use the ‘maybe we can go for a drink again’ for one or more reasons: 1) check and see if they will be rejected/turned down by you; 2) seeking validation; 3) ending the date politely; or 4) need more time to decide how they feel about you after the date.

I know its confusing to a woman when they ask yet have no intention of doing. This is why its best to watch and see if the man ‘steps up and follows through’…if he does great, if not, next!

July 24, 2017 at 6:47 am #643429

Amy S

I think this happens a lot when you meet people online. A lot of it just comes to a halt you stop texting and or he does, after one date who cares. Just keep on keeping on and with every man i have a zero tolerance for flakiness, it sucks not for me so I just forget about them after that. x

September 27, 2019 at 12:12 pm #774315

Jan

It has been my experience that men don’t want to hurt our feelings so they say things they think we want to hear but I would prefer men to be direct and honest. If they are not interested then say so! I’ve stopped wondering why they don’t call after meeting and chalk it up to that they are a person I don’t want to be in a relationship with anyway.
Keep the high standards! You and all of us women are worth it!!
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