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- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 6 months, 1 week ago by
Kathy Howell.
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Mariah
If you have explained your love language (words of affirmation) and what it means to you and recently told him at dinner again and he said “I did all that in the past and I ended up getting hurt after doing all those things,” would you stay with him? He later blamed the conversation—and my bringing it up because I had two glasses of wine at a nice dinner and said I get that way after one glass of wine (kind of gaslighting) to the point where he said “I don’t want to tell you what to do but I don’t like when you have anything to drink.” How would you react? Would you stay with him?
Maddie
It depends. First, it sounds like you two have difficulty communicating well, and he’s not interested in doing anything to improve it. Do you generally have problems resolving conflict together? It sounds like you also don’t feel appreciated and tried to tell him what you wanted, and he got weirdly defensive about it. So that would have me rethinking a relationship, for sure.
Second, if you intend to have a drink or two sometimes in life and he doesn’t, and this isn’t a case in which you have different habits but it doesn’t bother either of you that they’re different, that’s a lifestyle incompatibility and could be a dealbreaker. Decide if it is.
Raven
He sounds delightful- not…
How long have you two been dating?
Mariah
We have dated 15 months. I think he stays with me because we have really good sex and because he likes that I have a good job and how I look. But it’s weird that he doesn’t resolve conflict well with me and it’s always my fault. I’ve brought up therapy before and he is a strong no. I’m really rethinking this and trying to know what to even do to get out of this.
Raven
Why are YOU staying with him?
Take a peek into your future… Is this really how you want to live?
Mariah
I haven’t dumped someone in forever. Tips?
AngieBaby
It’s not “dumping.” It’s setting you both free because your time together is up.
Yes, I would end it because as he’s using the past and another relationship as an excuse for not giving you something this simple that you’re asking for, he’s not really all in and you don’t have a future together. That’s how it looks from my perspective anyway.
You’ve been together for a while so this should be done in person. You can say that you’ve been thinking about the relationship lately and how things are going and you don’t feel like you two are on the same page and it’s time to go your separate ways, as much as you’ve enjoyed your time together. If this comes out of the blue he may argue or ask for specifics and I’d be careful not to get into too much detail because your mind is made up.
Mariah
He keeps texting me he loves me, I’m gorgeous good night good morning I love you with kissy emojis. I feel bad ignoring him so I said good morning how are you (I’m trying to see where he is at—almost like he can feel the beacon on the horizon). I texted my therapist this am. I have many valid reasons to end it. We had this future trajectory we started talking about months ago but I don’t actually see any actions. I feel like we are always stalling out. He is busy this week and hasn’t called me or talked to me in person since Friday. One would assume that if there is me, not texting back, being distant—he would inquire and at least make a phone call. Im supposed to see him Friday. The idea of that makes me feel sick.
Kathy Howell
Do what Angie Baby said, OR if you fell Too Sick doing it, do it by phone. I don’t know why we always have to meet face to face doing it. I just did a relationship that was 7 years in the making this way. But, my friend was deceitful I found out. Yours is not trying it seems like.
Your decision… -
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