Lost job, man and soon, home

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  T from NY 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #820748 Reply


    I had been dating a guy for a year and he has dumped me by text. Seems I didn’t deserve a face to face or a call. There were no big rows or even a hint of what he was going to do. In all honesty he has been very difficult or date, and on paper I should have walked. He has brought masses of drama, has sexually turned quite weird and only gets turned on if I talk about other men (and he wants to have a man himself). If I could sum him up it would be ‘a nightmare flake’. However…
    I lost my job during this pandemic. And I’m about to lose my home. I hope to find somewhere, but I most likely will have to let my ex husband take my cats to keep them safe as I will only be able to rent an apartment (this is not who dumped me).
    So despite the fact I should have left my boyfriend, I did not because it was the one constant left to me. And now he’s gone.
    I am falling apart. I felt rejected by my company who let me go, and now I’ve lost someone who was just not right…but if HE left ME, then I must be worse than him!
    I am struggling to explain, but I feel rejected tenfold. And scared, and hurt. And I cannot stop crying.
    I just don’t know what to do to make myself feel better.

    #820753 Reply


    I’m so sorry to hear you going through such a tough time! It sounds awful.

    But, about the bf. Its not a case of you must be worse than him because he dumped you, it sounds like he has identity and sexuality issues so is a bit of a mess and that’s all on him not you. He has freed you up to find the right guy instead of wasting your time on a flake. That’s a good thing not a bad one!!!

    Best of luck and big hugs xx

    #820848 Reply


    I totally understand what youre going through. I went through something similar where i lost my income, house through fire, then house for real. I had to start over and getting rid of the build up stress and flight response alone took me 2 years. Its sort of ptss. After that it took me another year to recover from losing all confidence and selfworth. So what to do:
    – dont crawl in a shell and close the curtains
    – the guy is not a loss, try to see that. Probably gay so it has nothing to do.
    – make a finance plan
    – reach out to friends and tell them you dont know what to do.
    – for finding a new job, you need confidence. Find a free counsellor for help.
    – sometimes life is not fair and you lose it all. I did. All you can do is build it back up and find new challenges in life.
    – try not to stay with debts. Find a solution where you dont end up with debts.
    – this is just a fluke. Its not who you are. Its temporary. You will bounce back.

    Take care and lots of hugs

    #820932 Reply

    T from NY

    All good advice. I add my encouragement that this is temporary. Life is sometimes very relentless in forcing change upon us. It can be shocking and disorienting. But take heart – there is always good to be found after tragedy. Increased gratitude and realizing how strong you are. Accepting it’s okay to be sad some days. Living life moment to moment and just being really present. Grief is very powerful – steer clear of people who make you feel like you have to suck it up. Interact with people who make you feel supported. Get a therpaist. Tell them exactly what you need. Find the peaceful moments. This too shall pass. Everything always does I promise you. I had no idea how I would go on after my sister was tragically killed. Then I lost two friends during that time I “thought” were like sisters to me – turns out my life was better off without their lack of support and judgement. We all experience our special kinds of hell. Take a day at a time. An hour at a time if needed. You can get through this – even be better on the other side.

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