This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Elle 3 weeks, 4 days ago.
July 14, 2020 at 7:27 pm #796418
I met my boyfriend of over a year in the city next to mine. At the time I was tackling work and full time college and he was working 20 hrs a week. He handled my constantly busy schedule well.
Fast forward to January of this year, he got a job 7 hours away in a different state, and at first it was easy to maintain communication because he was visiting every weekend to move furniture. Unfortunately, he finished moving and stopped visiting. He also started working 9-5 and bringing work emails home with him. Visiting him was becoming bothersome, as I was spending a lot of money on airfare and he didn’t even have time to spend with me. His laptop was joining us on dates, I felt unprioritized.
I broke up with him last night on FaceTime because it would’ve been to awkward to do it on either of our visits.
I feel like I was too needy or like I had become addicted to him but I really love him.
I also question my decision because I ended things because I wanted to spend more time with him. I guess I feel like now I am free to find someone who has the time to spend on me.
I need advice from anyone but specifically anyone who has dealt with prioritizing love.July 14, 2020 at 7:38 pm #796422
So you were dating a year long distance?
You talk about prioritizing love but neither of you were willing to move to be closer right?
I’m not excusing his behavior of not being able to put the computer away while you two are having a date night. Just trying to get a better picture.
Long distance relationships are not sustainable. People can’t live like that.July 14, 2020 at 11:27 pm #796450
I agree with Elle that distance is not sustainable. One hour away maximum. You did the right thing. Maybe now he will step up.July 15, 2020 at 10:10 am #796504
A “distance relationship”, whether long or not, is sustainable but you have to be a certain type of person in order for it to work. Heck, you can even be living together and hardly see each other based on one’s occupation, such as a surgeon, lawyer, pilot, military, emissary, etc. The one who ends up getting the short end of the ‘time stick’ has to be very independent, and not reliant on their partner as you have many other sources, such as work, friends/family, hobbies, passions, etc. to fill the time with. Distant relationships work best when both are too busy for a day-to-day relationship; are perfectly OK being alone and having lots of space; and not reliant on one person, such as a partner, for their success or happiness. They do exist, but they represent a very small percentage of the population, which is why majority of distant relationships fail.
The problem with your relationship is that it has regressed, not progressed, as it doesn’t appear as if any talks, or discussions, in relation to ‘closing the gap’ has taken place. Even if you did move to him, it sounds like he prioritizes work, and not able to find a good balance between work, and non-work time, which would have made you just as miserable, if not more so because now your with each other but just as distant, as you were, when there was distance. If a relationship is not working for you, its best to end it and find a compatible partner or you’ll just end up in a miserable relationship. Trust me, its far better being single and happy than being in a relationship and unhappy—been there, done that, will never ever do it again!July 16, 2020 at 10:27 am #796600
Thank you all for your advice! You all brought up great points and it seems that you all agree with my decision to end things and move on. It wouldn’t work because we weren’t willing to make it work :/
I especially love the advice about 1 hour maximum distance!
Now I just have to work on being single.