Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Limerence and inner child issues
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 4 years, 4 months ago by
Sylvia.
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Sylvia
I suffer from limerence and “inner child work. My guess is that you have told part of yourself that the love of people who don’t love you is important.” It hit me. Those who don’t love me – it’s their love I want and treasure.
How to overcome both issues?Tallspicy
Read up on attachment issues and trauma.
Read up on inner child work and how to reparent yourself. Most people have issues with 0-2, around 5, 12-14 and early adulthood. Be kind to yourself.
Get a therapist who specializes in both, but there is a lot of free info or books you can get at the library if you cannot afford or have access.
When you want to focus on him, look up stuff on these two topics.
Tallspicy
Also look up how to rewire the brain, and how to be more careful about what you say to yourself.
It was a major aha when I realized that I told my inner 12-14 year old that the love of people who don’t love me is important and that she should try to get it, and that I, as my inner adult abandon her to people who should not matter. And in fact, abandon her to try to get anyone to love me. I have committed to never doing either again, and now when I think of people I should not I say:
– the love of people who love me or want to is the only love that matters.
– I will never again abandon you to trying to get others to love me.
– men who are healthy and open and available and into me are very sexy and anyone else is gross.
– I can have the love I want and love is easy, everywhere and abundant.I do chakra meditations to understand where I feel blockages in my body, not for woo woo part and it helps.
Tallspicy
The book attached, the book hardwiring happiness, content by marissa peer, Mark groves can all help and there are tons of free meditations on YouTube and insight timer
Tallspicy
Limerace is an activated attachment system. You can look that up.
Better off single
Tell yourself something else.
Tallspicy
Bos,
How is that working for you? Seems like if it were that easy, some of your posts might be different. I am not trying to be snide, but making better choices requires help, education and discipline and I would assume you would know that and not be so trite and glib.
Sylvia, congrats on seeing something is not working and being inquisitive.
Sylvia
Tallspicy thank you! If I recognise the pattern and can point out just like you did when it started then I know I have some work to do but it’s doable. I feel like at least now I’m not blind and if I get into something unhealthy I can pinpoint it “oh, my inner child”. Now I observe this pattern in my non-romantic relationships as well. There is very little mainstream info about this if you don’t search for it so it it weren’t for you I’d probably still wonder “why my emotions are messed up”.
I have two questions – a) does my brain picks up that someone is unavailable so it gives me feelings/chemistry faster than I process and realise it myself? b) how do you differentiate being into someone because it’s the type of person almost everyone wants so it’s no wonder you want them to – handsome, witty, charming etc and the unhealthy douche/player? -
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