Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Just need a bit of comforting
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 4 years, 5 months ago by
Elvira.
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Lillian
My ex and I got back in touch last year. We started spending more and more time together, it got to a point where we were together if not at work. Nothing has happened between us but we were starting to talk about holidays together etc.
He is going through a divorce which they separated some time ago so no major drama but he told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship until that was cleared. He had been on a dating site so I asked if he still was and he said no.
My friend sent me a screenshot yesterday and he’s on a different dating website. I asked him about it but he just brushed it off saying he was ‘bored’. To be honest I sort of knew something was up as he had lost interest in me a bit but when I asked him he said it was divorce stuff so left it.
I’ve now said that I can’t see him anymore. I just don’t think there was any need to be deceptive as I had asked him outright and also I just feel a bit hurt. I feel like he used me to occupy himself until he was ready to date again. He’s not replied but has blocked my number, which I find bizarre as I wasn’t nasty.
Just feel a bit down and need reassurance I did the right thing x
T from NY
I frickin hate when people use other people to assuage their loneliness. I have spent some hard frickin nights alone because I won’t settle for a tinder ‘situationship’ and want a true partnership. It happens to all of us girl. Sure you DEFINITELY should probably not have messed with a guy in the middle of a break up, or with an ex that did not define the interactions. You were smoking the hopium pipe with that one. Own that and learn from it. But I’ve had the same thing happen with guys flaking after telling me they wanted the same things I did, locking me down and etc. Dating apps have practically ruined dating for women. And with the pandemic not ending anytime soon – all we can do is take care of ourselves, not put up with treatment that isn’t honorable to us and just live our best life and cultivate hope. Good job walking away. His childishness blocking you is the universe gifting you the knowledge you already knew. You’ll be fine if you just keep on loving yourself.
Lane
You were too easily swayed by his words, once again, and that was your downfall. He can’t even keep his lies straight and when caught he bolted. This is his character and probably why he’s going through a divorce because his ex got fed up with it. Don’t beat yourself up but you need to be more discerning and less trusting especially when they have a history of being wishy washy.
Best to leave exes in the past as they are an ex for a reason and those reasons just don’t dissipate because some time has passed. Be thankful he blocked you so you can now block him back forever. :o)
Newbie
You didnt listen to him when he told you he didnt want a relationship. He never took that back. If you had listened you could have avoided the current pain. Especially knowing this guy is not Divorced yet. I cant make out if this guy is an ex from longer ago or from the same after marriage period. But the endgame is the same.
YES YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!
Im really sorry but moving on and learn is your best option. Take care. It will get easier fast and dont let him talk you back into booty call countryElvira
I agree with the others that this guy is bad news and you should be happy you have seen his true self. It has been said many times on this site to steer clear of men who are “separated” and going through a divorce. I understand separation can mean the couples are officially done with the relationship and can date others, but it is a constant question for the 3rd party of when will it happen or are they stalling for other reasons. Do you want to be in that limbo? Regardless, you had a relationship with this man and things ended not sure when like Newbie stated. The 2nd time around you need to make sure the reasons for the breakup were addressed in order to start over. He stated he doesn’t want a relationship so if this is the reason you broke up the 1st time, what makes you think it is different now? Take this time to heal and look after yourself. Do not put any more effort into thinking why he is the way he is. Instead focus on how you can become a better version of yourself so as not to fall for someone who isn’t in 110% in the future. You will find that person!
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