This topic contains 21 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Sarah 2 months, 1 week ago.
April 15, 2019 at 7:46 pm #746188
I have been on 3 dates with this guy who I met off a dating app. We had a great first date and he initiates plenty of contact between dates so far.
Where things got weird was the second date.
1) A portion of it was him firing off questions to me to the point where I felt like it was an interrogation but I think it is because he was just being curious. I had a long day and that wasn’t the thing I needed on a date.
2) Then he spent a while going into intricate details on his job.
3) At the end of the date I was putting on my jacket. He came over and took it out of my hands and then dressed me. I felt so taken aback by that and weirded out.
On the third date he brought up:
1- the fact that I mentioned I am more anxious than laid back and dug into my history with anxiety.
2 – He saw I had some rash on my hand and then he rubbed it and asked me what was it and why I have it. I know it’s eczema and i feel really self conscious about it. I was visibly uncomfortable and put an end to the topic. Why did he have to not only point it out but also stroke it?
3- During the date I mentioned I saw a cute but expensive cheese board over the weekend for $50. In the end I didn’t get it because I don’t have a real use for it and he immediately said I’m going to the store now to buy it for you. Maybe I’m overreacting to that but I felt weirded out that a guy I barely know wanted to immediately go buy a cheese board that I said I would not end up using.
4- another sort of vent about how difficult his job is at work
He had also told me he wanted to take me to a Broadway play (a legit show not an off or off off broadway show) and I felt uncomfortable with the idea he was prepared to drop that kind of money for a date. At the time he suggested it would have been for the third date. We may go later on as I found out the tickets were free but given the above I’m not sure how attracted to him I am.
Am I overreacting? Should I continue to give him another chance on a date?April 15, 2019 at 7:48 pm #746190
I have gone on 3 dates with him because I do feel like overall he is a good guy with a good head on his shoulders and I’m trying to base my feelings for someone on how much effort they put in rather than all on how much I like them (independent of how a guy treats me). He’s 6 years older than me so this may be a factor in his behavior.April 15, 2019 at 7:54 pm #746193
Weirded out that he took your jacket and put it on for you?
You’re talking about a ‘cute’ cheeseboard on your 3rd date? Sounds like you’ve been married for 10 years
I don’t know about the rest of the ladies here, but he sounded kind of sweet to me.April 15, 2019 at 7:55 pm #746194
I don’t get it. You aren’t attracted to him. Why ask strangers who you should date? If what he did felt uncomfortable, then move on. I don’t get your issue about the broadway play. Sounds like he spent time getting to know you and then shared info about himself and his job which you found overwhelming? Guys pride themselves on their jobs. Not sure why you would tell a man you barely know about your anxiety. That’s on you if he picked up and ran with it. A man helping to put your jacket on is pretty normal do you ever date? He stroked your hand to be intimate. Apparently you don’t get how touch can bring in closeness or intimacy? While he offered to buy you the cheese board. He hasn’t, has he? So what’s the issue. He was being nice and may never actually even do it. If his job is difficult why is that so odd for you.
Nothing you write sounds off except you.April 15, 2019 at 7:55 pm #746195
I think my issue is I’m still getting to know him and be in his company and he is acting like we have been together much longer. In that respect I feel uncomfortable. I am naturally more of a slow burn kind of girl and I don’t enjoy taking things on a faster pace.April 15, 2019 at 7:56 pm #746196
I’m not detecting any red flags here yet. So far he sounds decent. If you don’t want him I’ll take him. He sounds thoughtful and considerate. Maybe trying too hard but he also probably really likes you.April 15, 2019 at 7:56 pm #746197
6 whole years older? It’s romper room again.April 15, 2019 at 7:57 pm #746198
I think I’m just overreacting. Thanks for the input everyone.April 15, 2019 at 8:04 pm #746199
What is so fast about the pace? What are you leaving out, what has been the pace between the three dates? Everything you shared is totally normal. Except I would not have disclosed your personal anxiety. Job stress, etc is fine. Not emotional health.
It’s three dates and you have the control to pace how often and when. He’s not in control of that. In fact you should pace it and keep him from moving too fast because most guys who do burn out really quick. Read up on pacing the relationship.April 15, 2019 at 8:10 pm #746201
The only relationship experiences I have had started with me and the guy being friends and then progressing into a relationship as we became more and more attracted to each other. In those situations I felt I had plenty of time to get to know a guy before we became official. Obviously that is not the only way to a relationship but this is all new to me. Maybe that’s what I struggle with. I get your input and thanks for itApril 15, 2019 at 8:16 pm #746203
Is he pressuring you for a relationship? That’s where you are unclear. It was three dates! Most men aren’t going to ask you for exclusive after only three dates. So just date, watch him and decide if he is even a good fit for you. Most women forget you have a choice in the man. Just because you date a guy doesn’t mean he becomes a boyfriend.April 15, 2019 at 9:44 pm #746204
I kind of agree with Grace. He seemed a bit too forward.April 15, 2019 at 10:05 pm #746205
Yeah, maybe he was a little pushy. Do you even want to go to a Broadway show with him? That takes hours.April 16, 2019 at 4:21 am #746226
To me, it sounds like you aren’t actually that into him. I too would have been uncomfortable with him pointing out and stroking a rash I was self-conscious about, regardless of how much I liked the guy. But all the other stuff I don’t think would bother you if it was someone you were really keen on.April 16, 2019 at 7:19 am #746237
I find him a bit much too, and that’s coming from someone who gets love-bombed ALL.THE.TIME. You don’t seem to be very much into him though, so maybe you should just leave things at that.
About the eczema bit, I have some too, sometimes I even have it really bad and for some inexplicable reason, men who like me aren’t grossed out at all and will actually touch me there. So yeah, he really likes you but maybe too much at this stage.April 16, 2019 at 7:50 am #746247
The biggest problem I see is you take things too seriously and need to lighten up a bit. He seem to be showing interest, concern and care which are qualities a lady should be looking for in a long-term partner.
It would be normal to ask harder questions when dating out of the gate with a stranger v. someone you’ve gotten to know over time in a non-dating atmosphere because you have no preconceived objective or goal other than getting to know each other like you do with any person, male or female, you want to get to know better and like hanging out with.
When you date strangers then you have to anticipate these kind of questions because they are coming into it with a blank slate, so it’s more akin to ‘speed dating’ when you have very little information (which could be untrue) before one is able to form a true opinion of the person. It takes a long time to really KNOW someone very well; where even people you believed you knew really well can do some crappy stuff that you would never believe they were capable of, so it’s a crap shoot whether you know someone well or you don’t as to whether or not they will make a good can only be determined by the amount of time you can tolerate each other…four months; 11 months; 3, 7, 24 or 52 years?
You want to remove the red flags as fast as possible so you don’t waste your time getting to know a stranger you really don’t want to get to know better due to them not being in the right headspace (just came out of a relationship/divorce); or having contrasting values (beliefs, finances, marriage, kids, etc.) For instance if you ask a guy what his thoughts on marriage and kids are and he answered “I don’t want to ever get married and have kids” and you do; them obviously it would be a complete waste or yours and his time to proceed with that kind of disqualifying information up front.April 16, 2019 at 8:41 am #746254
Dating is supposed to be FUN.
I don’t see any red flags. Maybe because I’m Latina and used to more passionate men, he was acting normal. He wants to impress you. Taking you out to a broadway show is fine. Asking about something on your skin is him learning about you. I do agree firing off questions on the first date would annoy me, but wouldnt be a red flag. Him putting your jacket on is normal. And I’d love that.
Seems to me you’re not into him and searching for ways out. If you were into him none of this would matter. You’d be in cloud nine.
So the real question is either leave him alone to be with someone who actually likes him, or deal with his normal passionate ways.
You’re not into him…that’s what I see.
I was dating someone who did everything RIGHT. And it didn’t matter to me. I found problems because I wasn’t into him at all…I had to let him go. Good luck…April 16, 2019 at 9:54 am #746265
This sounds like my fiancé when we started dating! It freaked me out. I was seeing a therapist at the time and she helped me learn to accept love from someone. I’m glad she did because I would have given up on the best person I know. He is generous (he literally takes random homeless people shopping or gives them his sleeping bag or the coat off his back). Because I grew up in an abusive situation someone wth so much passion and generosity made me feel like he had an agenda. It finally hit me at some point that he just wants people to feel happy and he has the courage to make it happen rather than fall in line and be like everyone else. He’s a good man and my life got so much better once I was able to not get my own feelings all mixed up in who he is. Plus, he’s my super sexy silver fox!April 16, 2019 at 10:04 am #746269
Hi Grace-This guy seems into you-a bit eager but that is not a crime. About him helping with your coat-I think that is gentlemanly and similar to a guy giving you his coat when you are cold.April 16, 2019 at 12:52 pm #746301
Hey everyone! Thanks for the input. I think I’m going to continue to observe him and also continue to meet other guys. I just haven’t been with a guy who was this eager in the early dating phase but I am also aware I may have my own hang ups about intimacy. I’ll see where this goes and how I feel one step at a time.April 16, 2019 at 1:03 pm #746304
I think if you thought you were overreacting you won’t be posting here LOL
I agree with your gut feelings. Interrogation, eczema touching, expensive gifts, very eager.
But I bet you are going to go against your gut feeling, so no point in elaborating and saying more LOLApril 17, 2019 at 8:16 pm #746551
Personally, I think he sounds like a weirdo at worst, and not for you at best,, and I think you know it. You wouldn’t be posting here if you didn’t have a gut feeling you found him off putting.