Is it me?

I do not remember the backstory. But, men who want to be boyfriends act like boyfriends. Not sometimes, but consistently.

And never again wish a man a safe trip. A. Yawn. B. You are not his mother.

If this man is not your boyfriend, you should not be initiating anyway. And if it is longer than 8 weeks, he never will be your boyfriend so let him go. 12 weeks latest!

You should not be putting your energy into someone who is not investing in you. So stop leading. Meet other men.

The backstory was basically me telling him that I was not looking casual. He seemed to pull back a little after that but still in contact. If he was not at all interested, why even continue talking and seeing me?

And the reason I texted him have a safe trip is because I was responding to his text and it just so happened it was the day he was leaving, I didn’t think of it as being motherly. But being as though I haven’t heard from him, maybe that turned him off. Idk —i just wish I can know what it is that he is feeling or why he’s distant ..if I know then maybe I can make smarter decisions going forward in dating and know my mistakes and where I go wrong. This feeling sucks so bad, makes me feel like I am not good enough.

If he reaches out (which at this point I don’t even think he is) should I respond, or just move on?

If a guy is interested in you romantically, wishing him a safe trip will do nothing to change his feelings for you. So I wouldn’t worry about whether that turned him off. If his opinion of you is affected by something as innocent as that type of comment, then he was never that into you to begin with. (For the record I’m with hs, I don’t think it’s a big deal one way or another- I think saying “have a safe trip” is pretty common, from coworkers to friends to families to yes, romantic partners. And I don’t think it’s healthy to overthink every single little comment we make to guys we’re interested in).

The larger problem is that you’re saying you’re giving this guy a lot of effort and energy, and you’re not getting it back. You ask “If he was not at all interested, why even continue talking and seeing me?” Because it’s an ego boost for him to get your attention. It’s an ego boost for him to see you want him when he doesn’t want you. He might be hoping he can get you to sleep with him, eventually. The point is, you’re wasting your time and energy on this guy.

If you want to make smarter decisions moving forward in dating, which I totally applaud you for wanting to do, then realize when a guy is just stringing you along for an ego boost and drop him. It’s not that you’re not good enough– you are. You just feel like you aren’t when you stick with guys who are not reciprocating your interest. Keep dating and find a guy who is into you. A guy who is into you won’t let days go by without contacting you. Tallspicy is right that men who want to be boyfriends consistently act like boyfriends. When you’re with a guy who wants to be a boyfriend, it’s staggeringly clear. (I know this from my own experience, trust me!)

Bottom line, don’t beat yourself up over some guy who isn’t even responding to your texts! I strongly advise you to move on.

I always tell people safe travels if they are traveling, men, women, friends, family, coworkers. I think you should be authentic in your dealings with men, and if you are the ice queen type who never says anything kind/caring, and that is your true self, by all means never say things like that.

You should be your true self when dating because dating is evaluating someone for something longer term.

That said, this guy does not seem like a good bet. Men know how to communicate if they are into you. They might be awkward and imperfect but they won’t leave you hanging. I look for consistency. If this guy has been inconsistent from the start, he may be into you, but if he is fading into more irregular communication, I’d just cut the ties.

Want Tallspicy said all day long. Men fall for women because of how that woman makes them feel during their interactions. It’s not about playing games or acting frigid — it’s about having the proper mindset when interacting with men you are dating. Playful. Fun. Sexy. These are the vibes that are HEALTHY for you to be feeling while dating. NEEDing anything — such as wanting to feel like he likes you, cares about you is TOO SOON if the man hasn’t bonded with you.

Let me tell you a story. The man I was madly in love and in a relationship for 2 years didn’t just rush the heck in and declare his love for me. I wasn’t looking for a partnership at the time so it helped me being light and confident with him. I was dating others. But when I DID start catching feelings (several months into it for me – though women should NOT wait more than 2-3 if they are looking for a relationship) Anyway – when I shared how I was feeling – he suddenly started acting weird. Less communication for a few days. Went on an 8 hour road trip and said he wanted to talk to family and friends instead of me. I was sad. Fretted about it BUT I DID NOTHING and went back to living my life that weekend. Hung out with friends. Read a book. Exercised. Etc. After a couple of days he resurfaced and declared he thought about for days and wanted to commit to me and literally sent a calendar he’d made around his crazy med school schedule for 2 months worth of dates! My point is – men sometimes take space and regardless of the outcome – we have to let them come to us and lead.

For me – I’ll say to a man leaving me on a trip – Have fun! Instead of be safe. No big deal and I agree a man who really likes you won’t be put off by it. But masculine men who have concerns about giving up their freedom are drawn to women who have cultivated their own life and not overly concerned about what their adult man their dating is doing because their too busy a fabulous life of their own. Pull back. Refocus on you.

“But masculine men who have concerns about giving up their freedom are drawn to women who have cultivated their own life and not overly concerned about what their adult man their dating is doing because their too busy a fabulous life of their own.”

I really don’t think a comment as innocuous as safe travels signals that you are a clingy woman with no life. It’s literally just a polite comment people make. I’ve been turned down by a lot of men for being aloof, too independent and too much of a free spirit. But I always wish people safe travels. Everyone, even manly men.

If you start getting too calculated about what you say, you start to come across as not genuine.

I think an independent guy hears “safe travels” the same as “have fun” the same as “take care”. It’s not much more loaded than “good night” or “bye”.

He was away for a FUNERAL and you’re concerned that he might have been non-communicative during that time??

Absolutely no way this should be considered a problem. You are being too needy.

And my point wasn’t about the one line! It’s about an overall attitude toward dating and unrealistic expectations. Though semantics DO matter as in communicating where one is at emotionally. Safe travels or Have fun. One is more playful than the other. One is more nurturing than the other. Of course it wouldn’t be appropriate for a funeral. And I NEVER said be the cool girl. But there’s a time to care – and I time not to. In the beginning! – not smart to care for a guy you don’t even know, haven’t vetted properly and he hasn’t bonded or shown investment in you. Of course if a guy likes you semantics isn’t gonna be a crazy deal breaker. I was more trying to inform the OP on how to live her own life and let men come to her.

When you get “mixed signals” its a neon sign saying “stay away” from this dude. A man who is super keen doesn’t give mixed signals, if anything he is making darn sure you don’t forget about him! Forget about him and he will disappear into the ether, never to be heard from or seen again when you stop acknowledging him completely, You’ve done all you can do to remind him you exist, and now its his—bet he won’t cut the mustard and fade into oblivion!