Is He Just Pulling Away?


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice Is He Just Pulling Away?

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  • #783964 Reply
    AH

    I met a guy about a month and a half ago. We hit it off right away. Texted all the time, phone calls for 2 hours every night. A few days in, he told his parents about me, told them I was “perfect in every way” and “the nicest person” he had ever met. Said that I would be good with his daughter and that his parents would love me. A week after meeting, we both traveled home for the holidays and didn’t see each other for 2 weeks. We barely talked this whole time, as I was giving him lots of space due to being with his daughter who he rarely sees. When we both returned, he seemed very off and just depressed. I tried to give him space because I knew he struggled leaving his family. After a couple more weeks though, things still weren’t back to how they were when we first met. I would see him once a week (me always driving an hour to him), and if I asked for any more days, he would say that I was “moving too fast”…I finally called him one day and said that I wasn’t getting what I normally get when I’m with someone. He told me to be patient and that once work settled down, things would be better. He also said that he considered us a “thing” and wasn’t pursuing other girls. Anyway, things continued to (in my mind) move backwards. Finally I suggested that we go a couple days without talking and meet up on a Thursday. He responded and said that he agreed. Wednesday I texted him to confirm plans for the following day and he said that it was still a plan, but that he didn’t want me to stay the night like I always do. I thought it was really weird, because normally if I drive an hour to see him, we just both the expectation that I’ll stay over. I responded and asked “Have you been seeing someone else? Things just feel off.” He said, I’m not ‘seeing someone else’, I just don’t want anything with anyone right now.” I thought it was a weird response, as he directly quoted me in it; plus, less than a couple weeks prior, he considered us “a thing”. Anyway, we were texting Thursday morning and I said “I’ll just text you tonight before I leave.” He responded and said “I don’t think so”. I asked why, but he didn’t respond. I sent off another text and it was never delivered. He blocked me, mid-conversation! He had all of Wednesday to tell me he didn’t wanna meet. Why would he wait until the DAY OF, and then just block me? He’s never blocked me before, but he has gone between 12-24 hours without ANY communication and to him, it’s totally normal and doesn’t mean anything at all. So for the past 3 weeks of our “thing”, communication was maybe 3x a day, AT BEST. That’s why I want to get other opinions on his. Could he just be taking space or is this actually completely over? Honestly, I’ve been pursuing other options since he did block me, and as far as I know, I’m still blocked (I haven’t texted him again to see if I am or not, but I’m just assuming). Also, he didn’t remove me from Snapchat which he uses more than texting, so I find that VERY strange.

    #783977 Reply
    Raven

    I believe the term is ‘Love Bombing’

    Sorry, move on…

    #783978 Reply
    PP

    I think you have been pursuing him too much. Weirdly we still need men to lead in relationship.

    #783980 Reply
    Khadija

    This whole thing moved way too fast.

    When he left for vacation he had time to think things over and that’s probably why he started pulling back when he returned.

    He even said things were moving too fast. In my opinion that was your cue to back off but, you didn’t.

    I absolutely don’t agree with him blocking you like he did.

    At this point move on. It was too much too soon and he changed his mind.

    Next time don’t give someone so much of your time and energy right away. So often I see posts of women spending hours with a man and then texting all the time. Its a recipe for disaster and hurt feelings.When things start to slow down or fizzle out they are dumbfounded. No one can keep up with constant contact and love takes time to happen.

    Sorry this happened but, please learn from it or you’ll relive this with another guy and have the same outcome.

    #783985 Reply
    AH

    Thanks everyone for your opinions! I do want to make it clear though that I did back off, a lot. He even said multiple times that he appreciated how much space I gave him because most girls wouldn’t. I mean, he verbatim said to me, “I love how you don’t text a ton and then get mad if I don’t respond.” One text in a 12-24 hour span plus seeing somebody one EVENING per week for maybe 2 hours before you fall asleep isn’t too much after a month.

    I definitely agree that it was a lot in a short amount of time, however, I was just following his lead. He did all of the reaching out, he texted, he called, he snapped, etc. Then, the second he got home with family, it all changed and never got back to how it was. I know that I did nothing to break it. I was just wondering if I should expect him to reach back out at all but I guess I will continue things with my new connections and move forward :)

    #783986 Reply
    Khadija

    He may in fact reach out later, but do you really want a guy who blocked you?

    If, you’re making new connection focus on that and take your time.

    Just because a guy wants to move fast doesn’t mean you have to follow along. In most cases they want to move quickly to get sex or they’re not well adjusted.

    #783987 Reply
    K

    Guys who move too fast up front ALWAYS pull this stuff within about three months. They think they’re ready to charge forward because you are just so perfect… and then they do a total 180 with no warning and no good reason. They get cold feet because they have to face they aren’t as ready as they thought. Not at all. The woman is left blindsided and heartbroken.

    You just have to be very clearheaded when a man cannonballs into your life and see his declarations of love and other OTT behavior as yellow flags and not proof positive that he’s totally into you and this is going somewhere. In fact it’s usually the opposite.

    #783993 Reply
    AH

    Khadija, I totally agree! And no, I don’t want a guy who blocked me. Especially after saying, “I treat women how I would want a guy to treat my daughter. I can’t believe how guys have treated you in your past. I would never do that.”

    K, lots of good insight! That actually makes me feel a lot better. I agree with what you’re saying. Like I said, I really don’t think I did enough to break things but there were a couple times where I did question his feelings and he would always respond with, “you need sooooooo much reassurance!!!” Then he’d call the next day and say, “I really love how you’re different and don’t need reassured all the time.” Lots of highs and lows. The few times that I did see him, I’d show up and he’d be in a horrible mood. Then he’d go hang out with his roommate for 5 minutes, come back and be all happy and upbeat…magically. When I spoke with my therapist regarding these highs and lows, his first suspicion was drug use, and this guy did struggle with drugs in his past, claiming that he stopped everything cold-turkey one day. So, there’s also that. And I definitely don’t want that.

    #783994 Reply
    K

    Whoa, he said that and then acted like that? I’m very glad you’re done. It’s drugs or unstable mood or something. You don’t need it. Sorry this happened to you. Glad you’re out now and won’t go back.

    #784016 Reply
    AH

    K, yes he did! Constantly. It was sometimes like he was talking to someone from his past, and not actually me. Very weird. I’m glad to be out as well.

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