This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Sensy 1 month, 1 week ago.
May 26, 2020 at 6:37 am #791519
When being asked what he is looking for, what does it mean when he answers that he is not looking for something serious but also not looking for a bootycall? It’s in between…
I’m confused with his answer.
Does it mean he is not that into me? Does a man really into a girl would say this?
We have been dating for 5 dates (not ready to have sex yet).May 26, 2020 at 7:17 am #791520
It means he wants the girlfriend experience without the commitment and you have been warned it will not grow or turn into anything other than companionship.
A man who is open to a real relationship would not say this.
Be extra warned because he may make you exclusive, but it will not progress.
If you want a relationship do not under any circumstances stay in this arrangement. You are already confused and frustrated.
He likes you and your company, but will not commit in any way to growing your relationship.May 26, 2020 at 7:27 am #791521
The *inbetween* is known as an FWB/NSA. They aren’t wanting random ONS’s (one-night stands) but want to enjoy a ladies company, for a short bit, where they will then fade away or bounce entirely the moment SHE wants more than what he’s actually offering her.
He is known as a *timewaster* or *timekeeper.* When a man throws the “I’m not looking for anything serious line out, BELIEVE HIM, because he is being honest with you and warning you up front that he doesn’t want anything more than what he is offering you…a short term fling. The ONLY thing you should do when a man throws that out is to tell him “I thank you for your honesty but its clear we are on different pages so its best that we go our separate ways.” You then stop all contact and spending time with that man.
Your problem is, if you keep seeing this man, is that you’r OK with this short-term fling because YOU keep giving him your time. A smart lady who isn’t looking for something short term wouldn’t waste her time time with these men. Nope, she wouldn’t play his short-term game, and walk off the FWB/NSA field, if that’s not what she is wanting or looking for.
If you continue to play the short-term fling game with him, expect to be faded on or bounced (he disappears) if you don’t put out soon. Even if you don’t the moment you ask “where do we stand?” or tell him that you want more than what he’s actually offering you, is when he will start throwing out the excuses, such as “I’m really busy at work” until you never hear or see him again. This game is very popular today, so play it at your own risk.May 26, 2020 at 8:32 am #791523
Thank you ladies for your feedback. I appreciate it. That’s what I thought and I will let him know that I won’t gp futher.
What if he is missing the love of his life by doing so? This is so frustrating because I really liked him.
I will never understand “casual” relationships. In my opinion, it’s such a coward move, you don’t take much risks. Also, you can’t know in advance if you will fall in love or not, so why putting so much barriers.May 26, 2020 at 8:57 am #791524
If he misses out on the love of his life that is his problem. However, i for one don’t believe in “the one” concept and neither do many others. The love of someone’s life is usually the person we meet at a time when we are open to an honest and serious commitment. Quite clearly its not now for him.
Just because you don’t understand casual relationships does not mean there is anything inherently cowardly or wrong to them. Not everyone desires a serious relationship all the time. Some time people enjoy being single and keep things casual because they have other priorities in life. It’s completely legitimate and actually, i think it was decent of him to let you know what he is looking for.
It’s not for you to judge him or ask why. Just stick to your own principles and priorities and move on. 5 dates is nothing. I am sure you will find someone compatible and open for a relationship soon enough.May 26, 2020 at 9:05 am #791525
Olive, you are *thinking* like a woman, not a man, and that’s what’s tripping you up!
Men are genetically designed differently, have an entirely different set of *needs* than a woman does, and can easily and effortlessly enjoy short term flings without catching any feelings because their hormones, mainly testosterone, behaves the OPPOSITE of how woman’s do.
You don’t understand how they *think* because you don’t have testosterone coursing through your body where they can have over 50 sexual thoughts a day just doing random stuff, like grocery shopping, or looking at a billboard. Women can easily go days without having a sexual thought because our hormones behave and act very differently, so stop trying to compare men to women because you will lose that game.
Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus! Two very different planets and only until you’re on the same planet, such as Earth (on the same page), do you have have a shot of something meaningful and long-term with a man. Until then, all he’s offering you is some short-term *sexy time* and if he can’t get it from you, he will get it from someone else because that’s what HE wants, and as *a man* he is fully capable of having sex without catching feelings because men don’t have the hormonal rush that women get during, and especially after sex. Nope, their hormones are depleted, and feel the urge to *get away* so they can recharge (build their hormones back up) which is why they can *NATURALLY* have lots of sex, with a different woman everyday of the week, without catching any feelings.
He’s a grown man who gets to chose what he wants, and right now he wants to remain on Mars and have sex with women without any attachment, because he can.May 26, 2020 at 10:02 am #791526
As a side note: Sex for a man is *an act*, no differently than grabbing a hamburger when they are hungry, washing their car, or watching their favorite sports team on TV. When they are horny they want sex but it doesn’t mean they want all the *constraints* a relationship requires, whereas, they want their sexual needs satisfied but want to remain single to do what they want, when they want, anytime they want, with *whomever* they want. Men can easily do this because of biological/DNA differences.
My brother-in-law said it pretty well when he told me “Women think that romance is what makes men fall in love but its not. Its when we only want to screw her, and only her, all the time. We instinctively know that in order to do that we have to get into a relationship, marry her and have kids.” That’s a man’s version. Interestingly my BF, and my cousins husband both nodded in unison (agreement) when he said it lol.
Only *some* women are capable of doing casual because they too are not emotionally open, ready nor wanting to be *tied down* but want to have their sexual needs met. You may not understand casual because you haven’t been in such as life phase, such as going through a difficult divorce, where you are not emotionally in a position to give anything to anyone but you miss the “companion component” such as doing coupley things and having sex but crave your freedom too. It works, for those, who are in that mindset, and that’s the mindset he’s in.May 26, 2020 at 10:30 am #791529
We are always growing. I never thought I would be in a place of needing a week of space while in a relationship, but it is what I now need and crave.