This topic contains 1 reply, has 1 voice, and was last updated by mell 2 weeks, 2 days ago.
May 16, 2020 at 8:32 am #791132
My ex and I broke up two months ago after 8 month relationship. He broke up with me few days after I asked him about what is he talking to other girl. He mentioned this girl few months earlier saying that she would text him a lot in the past and always asking out; and that is the reason I asked him that. He wasn’t angry at first but after few days he broke up with me via text. He said that it hurt him so much because he gave himself into this relationship and that I was always his number one… I wasn’t ever angry at him for talking with another girls and my intention was not to hurt him or show him that I don’t believe him just asking what is going on. So after he broke up I begged him to see me and that we can figure this out. But he said that it is over and that he is not feeling like talking to me. We apologised to one another for this and we stopped texting for few days but I sent him a message to ask how is the situation with all this. We talked again about the relationship and he said that if we ever get back together that he will marry me (?). We stopped and then after that he texted me, we talked for a week, not about the relationship but about what are we doing, and after a week he told me that he still thinks that I am good person and he does not hate me but he doesn’t want to get back. He also told me not to hope and that I should date other people and that I will be happy again. I asked him is this forever, and he replayed that he never says never but for now he knows what he wants.
So I thought that is it, but he reached out a week later and after 10 messages he stopped, then I reached out couple days after and we were texting for 2 days. He told me everything that is going on and we talked like before, just without nice words, but we talk about everything, what is bothering us and what is going on with us and it makes me very confused because just when I think it is going okay, I got my hopes up and we are connecting, and then he stops replaying.
After no hearing from him for 2 days he sent me a message if we can meet up to talk and I replayed yes. I went at his apartment and we talked about the breakup because we did not meet after it in person. He was confused of his decision to give me another chance or not. As we continued to talk eventually we hooked up but just for that one night. I stayed at his place and in the morning everything was okay but he stopped replaying to me and got cold. When I asked him what is happening he said that he does not know how to behave anymore. So I called him to come to my place to talk because I had it enough, I said that I want to know at what does he stands and to tell me are we going to continue this or not. He apologised to me saying that it is over and that he is sorry. He also said that that night was great but in the morning everything came back to him. I told him okay I guess it is over and that we cannot stay friends because it is too hard. He left and I felt horrible. I was crying and just when I thought that I will never hear from him he sent me a poem he wrote that said that it is hard for him too and that he wants to find a way to open up to me but at the end something inside him is stopping him. He also said how sorry he is, and how he cannot handle himself. I replayed to this wishing him all the best bc he deserved it and he said he wishes me the same.. This week it was his birthday and I sent him happy birthday I wish your wishes came true. And he replayed to me that he wants one wish to come true and everything will be great. When I asked what he told it’s something about me but he did not replayed to my message so I did not ask him anymore.. I figured out that he meant for me to be okay.
I am so sad that this ended like this and I really think we have a lot in common and that we can really work out. At this stage I really want to get him back but I want us both to work on ourselves because if something doesn’t changes it will fall apart again. I really want him back. Is this situation completely hopeless or? Thoughts?May 16, 2020 at 11:44 am #791135
Sweetheart. He’s told you multiple times over the weeks or months since you broke up that he does not want you to get back together.
It sounds like he broke up with you over something trivial, but I suspect it goes deeper. Maybe he just can’t tell you the full reasons because they are personal. But in the end you still have to accept his decision, even if it sucks.
And this, girls and boys is the textbook case for why people shouldn’t try to stay in contact or be friends after a breakup. Because his messaging back is bringing false hope, and seems confusing. People can often have sex after breaking up with no intention to get back together. In his eyes, he has broken up with you and told you multiple times that he is clear on this. He replies to you out of politeness – but then he stops replying because he doesnt’ want to talk to you any more. He’s stopped saying nice things because this is no longer a romantic relationship to him. Every time you talk, you get your hopes up that he’ll be with you again. It’s an unfair situation for you – and this is why people shouldn’t engage with their exes at all.
And yeah, I don’t think anybody would be happy if their partner was talking to somoene who was frequently asking them out romantically – you might trust your partner not to cheat, but you would also want your partner to make it clear that they were not iterested in that person and would not accept any more flirtation or offers, and would not want to lead them on. I’d expect anyone who is serious about their relationship to quietly let go any acqaintance who spends their time mooning after them and asking them out. I don’t know if you approached having that conversation right, but I can see why it would cause drama. He should have cut any contact with any woman who won’t accept ‘I’m not iterested’ as an answer. Maybe he treated her like he treats you – replied politely with no indication of more – and maybe she messaged because like you she hopef for more and didn’t want to take his bare minimum for what it was. Regardless, he needs to learn to be a bit firmer with people.
It sounds like he’s sad about it, but he’s sure of his decision. I’m sorry, but I think it’s time to let this one go. If someone breaks up with you, it means that you have to move on. Unless you get a clear signal they want you back. All his signals suggest that he does not want to get back with you