Is he considering me a part of his future or not wanting a relationship?


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice Is he considering me a part of his future or not wanting a relationship?

This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Sylvia 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #929767 Reply

    staplehue

    This guy messaged me first quite a few times before I had responded on Instagram. I then realised it was a few months and I hadn’t responded so I messaged him. We spoke for probably a whole month before the meeting. He has offered breakfast/study dates before too. We ended up going out for dinner. Had very good chats, seems like a really lovely guy and nothing sexual.

    Some cute messages to each other, like him sending me photos of what he does for work and him telling me that he often thinks about me. He told me he was a bit nervous before picking me up. He picked me up from my house and before he got to mine, he texted me saying would I like him to meet my parents or just pick me up. He paid for dinner and it went really well in terms of chats, felt like a really caring and respectful guy, talked about family and all those nice things. One thing is that he takes great interest in my life and wants to make things easier for me (or so it feels at times), for example wanting to help me out with studying etc.

    He dropped me home and did not indicate anything about going back to his which was good. He asked if I would like to do this again and I said yes. When we got back to my house to drop me home, my mother was just coming home and he waited and said hello to her. He then said she was lovely. I could tell he wanted to kiss as he sort of just kept looking at me, I said something and then we kissed. He messaged me a few hours later thanking me, kept in on and off-contact for the week, he told me he was tired but good. He asked about my plans for the weekend and I did the same, he is very busy and works in the medical field. He hasn’t mentioned anything about catching up again. He asked about a job interview over the weekend and I didn’t respond till about 5 days later.

    In one of our messages, I sort of implied that I wasn’t sure when I would be seeing him next and he sent a sweet message saying he hopes to get to know me better and see where things go. That he was busy but should have more time once exams are finished and that he does want to see me again. I told him I supported him and that I don’t expect him to keep in contact.

    He initiates a lot and has initiated predominately. He’ll message, we’ll talk for a bit and then maybe I won’t respond if it doesn’t require a response and then he’ll send a follow-up message asking about something. He asked about studying together. I suggested we should go to the beach/study together. He asked me a few other questions, asking where the apartment is etc as I’m probably buying one soon. He’s currently in quarantine and we’ve been messaging a fair bit, him following up if I don’t respond etc. He told me about some job offers he took, asking what we want to do when we catch up. Today, he asked me about what I’m looking for (to clarify) as he has to move away which is about 2 hours away with a sad face. Told him I want to see where things go and that I do like him, he agreed to talk in person. Then asked if I’m looking for someone casual at all, I said not pursuing something casual but the same for a relationship. He agreed to see how things go.

    Advice?

    #929798 Reply

    Lane

    Sounds like you are being “e-tethered.”

    Being vague isn’t helping you at all. When he asked what you were looking for, why couldn’t you just say “I want to find my life partner in crime.” If that’s what you are dating for then just tell the guy what it is so you can stop wasting yours and his time if you don’t have the same goals.

    To put it bluntly, he’s trying to see if your open for *casual* until he moves away and suddenly disappears from your life. BELEIVE THE NEGATIVES! When you ignore the negatives, such as: “I’m busy..” (not dating you); “I am moving” (can’t date you); “Are you looking for casual?” (If so, I’ll play for a bit, if not, I’ll bow out). When a man’s WORDS (sweet nothings) & ACTIONS (non dates) don’t mesh up, its not a GREEN LIGHT saying “Go”, its a FLASHING YELLOW screaming “Proceed with Caution.”

    I would end this now based on the fact he is not dating you. Yes he may be a super sweet player? You don’t know because you don’t know a flipping thing about him that you can verify or validate because you aren’t spending any time with him and he could very well be blowing a lot of smoke up your you know what. You need to be very wary (cautious) about the non dating guys, not so gung ho.

    #929800 Reply

    mama

    I don’t think this is as calculated as Lane suggests, but he may be hoping to keep you in his side pocket after he moves on to his new job location.

    I’d wait until you talk in person. You told him you are looking for a relationship. I don’t think your life circumstances match up for one, just saying.

    #929806 Reply

    Maddie

    “Then asked if I’m looking for someone casual at all”

    I never met a guy who brought up casual in early dating or getting to know each other who wasn’t looking for just that — casual. Otherwise, why bring it up? You can easily ask someone you’re genuinely interested in if they are looking for a relationship, not if they’re looking for casual. I agree he’s not looking to get into a relationship with you and was asking that way to see if you were still hanging around and accepting the situation as is, in spite of knowing he’s leaving, because you’re also looking for some short-term “fun.”

    #929807 Reply

    staplehue

    I think I did leave out a few details which might be important. Months ago, I told him I would be open to a relationship but didn’t have the space at the moment and would prefer something slow. He said ‘I thought you were looking for something serious?’ and he then said he was happy to take things slow. Perhaps since I said this a few months ago, he’s a bit confused?

    #929808 Reply

    staplehue

    I think I did leave out a few details which might be important. Months ago, I told him I would be open to a relationship but didn’t have the space at the moment and would prefer something slow. He said ‘I thought you were looking for something serious?’ and he then said he was happy to take things slow. Perhaps since I said this a few months ago, he’s a bit confused?

    #929822 Reply

    Sylvia

    You’re overthinking which is a bad sign and spend most of your energy on him. He’s a wildcard. No one is in his head but you’re so nitpicking. Believe me I totally get that. I just don’t like the dynamic of imbalanced power so early.
    Also girl, it’s tough to answer it perfectly to “what are you looking for” but being vague on purpose? is a risky strategy.

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