Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › if EX is going to miss me and reach out to me, how long will it take?
- This topic has 13 replies and was last updated 9 years, 10 months ago by
celesteannv.
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Stacey
My boyfriend of a year dumped me this morning. We haven’t talked since. If he is going to miss me or reach out to me, how long might it take?
We argued over how he keeps making new best friends and planning outings with them and getting their digits. He says they’re just friends about all of them. I think he is keeping his options open for someone better than me. He met one of my cousins friends and clung to her like a dingleberry then asked me if she’s single. I got mad then he got mad then he dumped me without a care. Will be miss me? Will he realize he lost a good thing? Or will he just continue to think i am crazy and he is my innocent victim?Mel
First I think you need to ask yourself do you really want him back if he is making plans with other girls when he is with you?
Second how old are you two?
Third it really depends but you have to have no contact with him at all.But I would really look into whether this is a relationship you really want or do you just like the idea of a relationship?
Stacey
I think i just wish for the caring, attentive, loyal man he seemed to be the first few months of our relationship. I wish for the future together he kept talking about to me -but that he never took steps to make happen. I’m 37 and he’s 31. He acted like making these plans with other women was totally normal because he was honest in telling me about it and they weren’t having sex (yet). I know i’m sad and should just get over it. I am going to really try. But yes i wish he would call me and apologize and be the man he once was. Ugh! Breakups are awful!
Mel
They are awful but it does sound like you are better off. He just talked about things and never followed through with them, the actions that he did have told a totally different story.
Guys are always sweet in the beginning but that is the beginning.Lane
Sorry I know this is hard.
Just because a man is on his best behavior in the beginning doesn’t mean you should ever let your guard down and continue to watch his ACTIONS to see if he’s someone he truly portends to be. Unfortunately, the moment the honeymoon phase ended and he “had you”, somewhere down the road he became lazy, bored and restless to the point he wanted his FREEDOM back so he can have fun chasing women again.
One thing you need to know about men is they TREASURE their freedom and if a relationship becomes too boring or stale they’ll try to find a woman that excites them. I’m not sure what you’re role in the relationship was, but if you became too comfortable as well, then you need to learn how to keep it fun, adventurous and spicy.
Lane
Sorry, forgot to respond to your question. At this point going NC (no contact) for a minimum of 30 days is the best method.
If he reaches out to you before this tine asking if “you’re OK” it does not mean he’s missing you, but that he most likely feels like a jerk for doing what he did and wants to make himself feel better. Never rely on their words alone because if there are no “actions” behind them such as asking to see you again and actually seeing you again, then his words are meaningless.
If he doesn’t contact you within the 30 days, then its OVER and you have your answer. At this point there’s nothing you could say that would make him change his mind at this point. Again I know it really sucks, but you’re better off finding out who he really is NOW than much later.
Stacey
Well day 1 down and 29 to go. I hope this pain and anticipation subsides. I tried a meetup with a group of ladies for happy hour after work yesterday. They were a nice group, but it was hard to have fun because i was thinking about my boyfriend (EX now) the whole time. I want to start enjoying my life as a single person again and it seems impossible to enjoy life without him. I did activities alone before my breakup, but would know i would see my boyfriend later so i was able to have fun. Now all i want to do is cry and beg him to take me back and apologize even though i know he was acting in a way that a self respecting woman wouldn’t tolerate. This is going to be a looonnngggg work day!! I miss him.
max
Please don’t call him. I am going through a sad breakup too. I had to pack his stuff for his friends to get from my house. It really is so lonely, but we have to be strong and make a stand against those cheaters.
celesteannv
Stacey,
So sorry. A year together is a long time and ti will take you time to get over the pain. When my ex BF broke it off with me.. I deleted his number from my phone because I knew I would not be strong enough not to text/call.
Getting together with others, exercising , meditating, small bouts of retail therapy, joining new activity groups helped me immensely.I agree with the ladies here that he was showing you disprespect even if he was being ‘honest’ about women he was meeting. Some men use honesty as an excuse to do what they want and it is ok because ‘they told you.’
It will take time and know that the healing is not a straight line process. Much more like a roller coaster. I am with a great guy now who treats me so well, but I will sometimes of Richard and will feel a pang of sadness.
talllady
Sweetie, hugs. Breakups suck. I am sorry, but it seems unlikely he will call you, if he was really gathering a harem (which can be the sign of a narcissist) Please reread your post and learn from it. I cannot tell what really caused it, but it was a clearly a toxic mix.
Some men are flirts, and that is who they are. If you are not ok with that, you cannot change it, and they will resent it. You cannot change anyone but yourself. Does that mean you cannot make a request? No, but it does mean we have to take people who they are. If it is not who is a good fit, then break up.
But there is also what you are saying is normal. Many women date men who make friends with woman. That can be normal. Just because you do not like it, does not mean it is not normal. I am concerned by your description. You are responsible for your confidence. He is not. If you are questioning your confidence, then it is your responsibility to take care of it, not him. Which can mean breaking up with someone.
Lastly, did you really only enjoy your other activities because you were going to see him later??? Eak, sweetie, that demonstrates a huge dependence on the other person. You need to understand what you love to do – without him.
Do not beg for him back. You would be demeaning yourself, and it is pushing him further. It is ok, if it happened during the actual breakup, but then never call him again.
Erase his phone number. Unfriend him on facebook and block him.
Mel
Hey I know it is hard but you know what if you want to stay in bed and cry that is okay you can do that. You can do anything that you think will help you get over it. Just don’t contact him like the other girls said erase his number from you phone block him on media just wipe him from your life and then do what you have to do.
I personally read, I get a good book and I read, it gets me out of my head and into someplace else I also go on a movie binge, and this is what works for me but I rent romance and comedy movies, the comedy to make me laugh and the romance to show me what can be out there, I also cry and let all of the emotion out so it isn’t bottled up. Then sometimes it is a week or sometimes longer I can feel like I can breathe again. I don’t know what works for you but you can do this because THERE IS A GUY OUT THERE THAT IS PERFECT FOR YOU AND YOU WILL FIND HIM
Good luck sweetieStacey
Thank you so much for your replies today ladies!! You truly are saving me today!! I just keep reading them over and over so that i don’t get stupid and text him!
I misstated something above. I meant that i’ve always enjoyed activities alone when i wasn’t worrying about my failed relationship and what do all these women have that i don’t have.Sherri
I would also change his name on your phone to “the guy who dumped me and walked all over my heart” or something to that effect
So u do not see his name but this everytime u r temptedcelesteannv
Sherri,
Love it!
I have a GF who changed contact to a guy who broke her heart- wooed her agressively and ghosted after they were intimate(she had to keep his info in phone as he had work ties – ugghh) to: “The D!ck Who Never Called After Sex” -
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