Home › Forums › How To Get My Ex Back › I want her back
- This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 2 years, 6 months ago by
Maddie.
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Cristy Severino
I was with my ex for about a year and a half we had a rough relationship but we loved each so much and so hard. We hurt each other and we are both still healing from it. I broke up with her in may because I thought I wanted something else. I dated this other girl for 3 months but I was so in love with my ex, that me and her kept hanging out, loving each other and talking. During that time she was hurting because it hurt her to see me with someone else she would constantly be sad and crying and upset. I was there for her and helped her through it all. After she got used to it she kept asking to get back together but I wouldn’t come back because I didn’t know what I wanted at the moment. A week ago I pushed my ex to start talking to someone else and to hang out with her. My ex started to talk to this other girl and when I saw them together my heart dropped and I knew I made a mistake. I knew that I should’ve never pushed her to be with someone else because after thinking about it a lot and seeing how much she loved me I wanted to get back together. I told my girlfriend and we broke up. I talked to my ex and told her how I felt and told her I wanted to work on us and I wanted to be happy together and conquer all of our past mistakes and pain together so we could pass the page and be happy together. She says she doesn’t want me now because she can’t trust me and I can’t give her consistency. I told her I would work on it and I would show her that she could trust me, she agreed but now wants to see where it goes with the girl I pushed her to talk to. I’m really sad and hurt and feel like the world is ending. How could she tell me she wanted me so bad for the last couple of months and now doesn’t want me now that I want her! What do I do I’m lost. I’m willing to give her my all and show her consistency and show her she could trust me. She wants to get back together but only when she is able to trust that I won’t switch up on her and that I can give her a consistent relationship
cristy
i also want to include that its hard to just ignore her and not talk to her because before we broke up my roommates ditched me and i had no place to live and she was going to be living in a 8 bedroom house with 4 other people and the lease is supposed to be divided by 6 so i joined and i now live on the third floor of the house and she lives on the first. we share a bathroom and kitchen
Padmini
Hi, Cristy,
I can understand this Situation from both your Perspectives.
I know that it can be very difficult for both of you to advance in a Relationship with One-Another after you have both hurt the Other and been hurt by the Other. So that had been an obstacle.
However, it might seem rather hypocritical for your Ex that while you were with a new girlfriend and she was hurting because of that, you ask her to abide by your Feelings when she enters into a Relationship. And it is also contradictory that you would push her to be in a Relationship with that new girlfriend and then feel hurt by it. She could feel like you are playing games there and/or being controlling.
So I advise you to give her some space and let her discover all she wants and then reconnect after some time. In the Meantime, you could also undertake Self-Reflection; and then both of you can advance in a healthy, realistic Direction no matter what Decision you both make.
Good luck!
Maddie
You have had a LOT going on and have not given yourself any time to heal. It’s difficult to know what you want, to trust yourself, and to be consistent if you aren’t taking some time alone to reconnect with yourself. The relationship didn’t work out the first time around for a reason, and I don’t think it’s entirely coincidental that you made up your mind once you realized your ex could also realistically start dating again and not be available to you. If you get back together right now, honestly, she’s probably right and the relationship dynamics and behavior will just repeat again. Fear of losing someone can create temporary changes, but they don’t general stick or actually fix the underlying problems. You don’t want to reconcile only to crash and burn and hurt each other again.
This actually sounds like a really good situation for you to try out therapy for yourself if you haven’t already. The more you get right with yourself during some time alone, the better chance you’ll be able to really be consistent and have a less tumultuous relationship if you do reconcile with your ex later. Your ex will also be able to observe you taking steps to be serious about working on yourself and being a better partner (since you’re living under the same roof), and that can only help.
The one other thing I would recommend is seeing if you can both agree on some boundaries… like maybe not hanging out in the common spaces with dates at times either of you are going to be bringing a date home, so no one is rubbing it in anyone’s faces and making it hard to do introspection (jealousy and anxiety can be a big distraction).
It does take some time, both to deal with your own issues to really get consistent and also to rebuild trust with your ex. It’s okay to look at this with a bit of a longer perspective and not just as a knee-jerk reaction of what needs to happen RIGHT NOW. That’s really you wanting anxiety-relief in the moment, a bandaid. And anxiety sucks, as does feeling out of control, but the way to fix all of it really is to take a step back and focus on sorting yourself out on your own for a bit.
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