I Feel Trapped!!


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  • #788886 Reply
    Gail

    I am so overwhelmed with gratitude that you all would take time out of your lives to try and assist. Thank you so much.

    Newbie, there could be a chance I wrote the post from my perspective and that maybe I haven’t given him enough credit for what he is able to do, there is that possibility. Like I said, he’s not a bad guy but what I am certain about is how stretched and overwhelmed I feel. He’s very much the kind of person who’s set in their ways so I could address something, and there might be changed behavior for a week or 2, but it always goes right back to where we started.
    I don’t know maybe my expectations are high and slightly myopic but I would imagine that a grown man would be able to assess his financial situation and automatically come to the conclusion that some things may need to be cut down??.. Also he seems oblivious to his reality so I never know whether I’m enabling his behavior or if me not pointing out the obvious is the problem?

    Hope you get better right quick Paige:)

    #788891 Reply
    K

    He’s obviously used to having a relatively abundant amount of money. If this is the first time he’s ever had to go it on his own without any family money and he’s used to always having money, that’s why he’s not grasping that he has to modify his lifestyle. He doesn’t get the concept of not being able to buy whatever he wants whenever he wants. He is used to a certain level of normal that’s way above what you two can afford right now and he literally doesn’t know how to operate so he is just going on as always.

    Think of it this way – you’re used to having running water all day every day to use for whatever you want. If you went to certain places in Africa, water is scarce and you would have a rude awakening as to how you’d have to adjust your life to do without it. You wouldn’t have a flush toilet, you’d have a latrine. You’d have a shower once a week, for maybe 5 minutes if you were lucky. Think of all the things you do with water and then think about how your life would change if every single drop were measured. I guarantee you’d have a hard time adjusting.

    Your BF may or may not be able to adjust. You have to decide how long you’re willing to wait to see if he can do it.

    #788893 Reply
    Jo

    My first husband was the same, he sounds just like Lane’s, he would jyst fritter it away on eating, drinking, subbing friends. We were both trainees in our field when we met and didn’t have much money so I thought it was a temporary problem. However, the more we earned the more he spent. Even when I got a job with fantastic money he managed to spend that bit more than we could afford. It was like he couldn’t see money in the bank without having an urge to blow it on something. I eventually left taking nothing but a couple of suitcases of clothes and my car, leaving him, (with his agreement), with the house and our debts as the equity in the house was about the same amount as the debts. It was such a HUGE relief to be out of the situation. It’s a terrible way to live. He contacted me recently as we’re still on friendly terms to tell me that 25 years later he’s just sold the house to downsize as he needed some money…..this is a single man with a great job and no dependents.

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