I don't know what to do

I met this man a couple months ago, a friend of a friend. I’d seen him at my friends house before, but we never really spoke. We chatted a bit and he seemed into me recently.

He asked for my number and we chatted and flirted. There was definite attraction. He’s a bit older than me, probably ten years. My friend is 5 years. So in the middle of us both. I’ve run into him a few times since and there is huge tension/attraction between us. We smirk, flirt, but also have stimulating intelligent conversations.

He then asks me out. We have drinks and chat and its really good. A normal date.

We plan to get together again. He wants to cook me dinner at his place. I say okay. I’m chatting with my friend beforehand, and she mentions that on weekends he flies to see his family a lot. My friend didn’t know we went out. I didn’t want to tell her anything in case things with he and I went no where. I was confused about what she meant. She then says she is pretty sure he has a wife and one child. I’m floored by this. I wasn’t sure what to believe. Maybe its an ex-wife and he just goes to see the kid. I knew I needed to ask him. He mentioned family he sees a lot, but I didn’t ask him more about it and I should have.

I go for the dinner. Everything is good and the attraction is there. I then ask him more about his lifestyle. He says he mentioned his family to me on last date. He said he thinks I misunderstood him. Because he was prepared to answer questions about it then and was surprised when I had none. So I start questioning him.

He said he met her seven years ago. She moved in with him and they dated for five years. She then gets this amazing job opportunity far away and goes for it. He stays here because he has his dream job. He flies out every weekend to see her. She gets pregnant, they get married quickly. He says he was excited to have a child and life was good. He says halfway through pregnancy her whole personality changed.

I asked him if she was maybe uncomfortable or having lots of side effects. He said no, and she had a very happy, normal pregnancy.

She was distant, ignoring him, not affectionate or intimate with him. She gives birth. Months go by. He supports her, with all the hormones, change. He acknowledged he realized it was a lot of change on her body and their life. He says he tried to go back to exactly how they were before she had the baby, loving, intimate, romantic, but she didn’t even want to hold his hand. He says he finally questioned her about it and she says she has no attraction to him to be intimate or even kiss and could care less if she even sleeps in the same room as him for the rest of her life. She was happy about the baby, but wasn’t into being affectionate anymore with him. She was happy if they can parent the baby, and just be co-parents so their child isn’t split between divorced parents and things are complicated with distance.

He said he tried and tried to change her mind for over a year. Take her out on dates, be more caring/loving/supportive, but she wanted nothing more than a weird parental friendship and was just content caring for the baby and living her own life.

I ask why he hasn’t gotten divorced. I promoted to him that tons of people do it and its not even hard.

He says he mentioned it to her, even recently, and has thought about it, but how he is scared he’d never see his child anymore. Apparently she’s made him feel that way especially with them living far away.

He says he loves his child and wants to raise it with her, but again, they are just like friends and not romantically involved.

He said she claims they should just do their own thing, finding others if they want. And told him to do whatever he wants. Find a girlfriend, just don’t parade it to her. He said he never went out seeking anyone. But when he met me at our friends house and we hit it off, he knew wanted to see me again.

I promoted to him to get divorced and we can go out as much as he’d like. I told him I like living a public lifestyle. With transparency with friends and family and couldn’t do that if he was married. I’d have to hide.

I want to go out on the weekends and be a normal couple. He claims we can be and he does want to take me to certain restaurants and out in public soon. He was already thinking of this fancy restaurant in the closest nearby big city that he thinks I’d like. He says he wants to date. But we’d never be able to go to a work function or birthday party as a couple. He’s married.

He does travel to see his child almost every weekend too and I respect him being a father. Children are #1. But he’s staying with his “wife”. She’s his wife no matter what. And then we can’t date on the weekends like normal people.

He thinks we should just date, have fun. I told him plenty of single men are out there for me. He says if I did find one, and wanted to stop what we had going, then I could and he’d respect me, because he knows his life is a burden.

He kisses me, a lot. We make out briefly. Him claiming he was dying to kiss me for a long time. I stop it in its tracks.

I tell him I am unsure about it all.

I am single and could use something fun like this in my life right now. But I know part of it is wrong and I could end up hurt.

He tells me to think on it for a few days. He wants to take me out to dinner then. And will text me. And if I decide not to see him again, then no big deal and he understands.

I’m insanely attracted to this man. We probably would have done more if not for the marriage situation, if he was single. We did have a great night besides all the baggage. I kept preaching to him that he get divorced and then he could be free to do whatever he wanted. He said he wouldnt be free though because he still has to parent his child with her and that was important to him. I get it. He’s a dad. He said an attorney friend told him that them living in different states makes divorce with their child harder and he’s afraid. In that case, they give the child solely to the mother where she is living and then she’d have to let him come visit and he’s afraid she won’t.

I don’t know what to do. I’m really confused, conflicted, guilty, and more.