I can't go through this ever again

But how posts were there about this relationship? That’s not being blindsided. Its not codependency..its having your peace wrapped up in the actions of another. Its something totally different.

& I’m also w Kate. To be real, most couples tend to have co-dependent traits. I attribute that to weak minded individuals. However, how you’re feeling & what you’re going through is not what I would consider signs of co-dependency, rather, just normal break-up pains… If anything, I’d say you have some self-esteem and self-control issues, but who doesn’t? That’s always going to be a work in progress through life

Alia, I think you’ve made your point, and now you need to let it go.

Sass, best of luck to you. Read and digest all the free advice that’s been given, and think long and hard about where you are and what you’re doing. Listen to your inner voice when you meet with him and you’ll make the right choice. We’ve all been there! :)

Lane is so right, it works when you don’t care or think about it. I read something today that said, “I think we think too much about a certain thing, when we truly find what makes us happy stick to it, if not walk away with no questions. We just think too much.” If you think about it, it’s very true. I know a relationship is not something you walk away from all the time, but maybe now and then not think of it as a relationship and truly enjoy life and at a very slow speed. If we were always thinking that way…yeah right.

LA girl I know I have thought the same. Although he’s very much a man’s man and not emotional quite blunt etc so I don’t think he’d risk embroiling himself further if he didn’t really want it.

That said I am hoping for an adult conversation which will end the way it ends – I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t equally want to be with me.

I’m meeting him at a coffee shop so therenwont be any chance of getting physical. It will just be talking.

This comment is in response to the comments on age and desirability.

I think very few women here realize that the number of men who look at you on the street is not a determining factor in a woman’s ability to seek and find a relationship partner. If it were — then no Hollywood movie star would ever be single or heartbroken. Once a woman starts judging her worth as a person and as a relationship partner on the number of men who look at her, she naturally lowers her own self-esteem and by virtue of that she lowers her desirability to men. It’s simply not an attractive frame of mind. Do we like to be admired for beauty, yes. May it happen less with age, yes. Does this mean that one is less worthy, less desirable or less capable of attracting a man? No it does not. I think if a woman thinks like this she needs to work on her self-esteem, that is the real problem.

A WOMAN ISN’T MORE WORTHY OR EVEN MORE LIKELY TO FIND A LONG TERM LOVING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP PARTNER BASED ON THE NUMBER OF TIMES SHE IS LOOKED AT ON THE STREET, FLIRTED WITH, OR ASKED OUT. I KNOW MORE WOMEN THAT HAVE MORE DATES THAN ME AND THEY NEVER EVEN HAD A RELATIONSHIP OVER 6 MONTHS.

I also think that self-esteem is the biggest factor in a woman’s dating experience. Google “dating for marriage” there is way better info on that than simple dating articles on how to make a guy like you.

Ivy, I agree. I’ve actually found it difficult to have a line of suitors waiting at my door… Not only do I have to deal with the paradox of choice- too many options so second guessing my final decisions, but I find myself falling into the pattern of liking the ones that show lesser interest just because… Bottom line, there’s someone out there for everyone. Takes time to find someone you’re truly compatible with. This is not only essential to leading the best life possible but it’s also a really difficult process on top of that. But the moments shared with others should be what’s cherished. Even if you don’t end up with someone, think of the great experiences you got to share together. It’s not so much about the destination, but the JOURNEY… You’ll have your ups and downs, even lonely moments in the pouring rain. But the rainbows, glitter, and gold seen along the way is what makes life worth living, no? Don’t waste time dwelling or drowning in the bad

Hi Sass,
I have been wondering as well, and cheering for you. Let us know when you are ready.

Sass,

I think it sounds wonderful! I am glad you are taking him at his word, and letting the relationship go where it needs to.

I love the flowers!

So, of course you should continue seeing him, IMO. I would take this time to get to know him better, and see where it all takes you.

I wish you all the best here. It is heartwarming for us all to see a guy coming ’round. :)

Sounds great!!!!!
Everyone can have a moment of “freak out” and I’m glad he was man enough to admit it. I’ve often wondered that it’s a lot of pressure for a man to constantly plan and lead, and that at a certain point it needs to be 50-50.
I admire you for giving it another chance! He’s a lucky guy. :)

Well I’m glad to hear you two were able to talk and work something out.
I hope this relationship can grow into something long term for you.
He made a mistake and was willing to fess up to it.
Best wishes to you!

Sass..My advice to you, derived from my own personal experience beacuse I was in a somewhat similar situation as you…..

First of all, you really need to stop worrying about what other people think of your choices and decisions. You also need to stop looking for direction from others as to what step you should take next. It’s OKAY to seek advice, here and there, but you have to learn to trust your own gut, your own instincts and most importantly, your own ability to make deicions for yourself. A lot of the ladies here truly care about the stories they read here, they can truly relate and genuinely want to help, BUT! the information provided is very limited and the whole picture of your situation is not so clear, because only YOU and HIM know what it’s really like, what kind of person he is, and what your relationship looks like behind closed doors. People only get a lil snap shot of that and then they relate it to their own personal experience, that is why you’ll get mixed opinions beacuse some will be absotely PRO NC and some will be agreeable to contact…You have to take what you believe best fits your personal situation and then make your own decisions from there. I find that when I get TOO many opinions I start to over think things, I start to creat scenerio’s that don’t actually exist and then next thing you know, I’m making choices and decisions that maybe work against me. I’m NOT saying for you to not listen, All i’m saying is that take what you need, and do what you feel is best for YOU!!

So most know that I’ve reconnected with my ex, a lot don’t agree but you know what, that’s totally ok beacuse I’M HAPPY with MY choice….SO! My advice to you in this situation is (and again, take what you can use, leave the rest if it’ doesn’t apply) Tke things slow, get to know him as a person, as a friend, as who he truly is and accept him for who he really is, his flaws and all. He said that he needs you to be more invloved, SO DO SO! Don’t play this game of “Oh I’m going to sit back and make you do all the work beacuse I’m a woman and a prize” YES YOU ARE A PRIZE, but a prize doesn’t just sit back and take, take, take, she has to show him she appreciates him back by taking some initiative and making him feel special too! It is a two way street, I firmly belive that. I mean if he doesn’t feel special, cared for, liked in return, what’s going to make you expect he’ll stick around? I’m not saying that you have to bend over backwards for him, never! But I am saying, make him feel good once in awhile too and plan stuff, get involved.

I totally understand his freak out, my ex did the same thing. He had SO much going on in his life (still kind of does) and we reached the 6 month mark and he FREAKED! he panicked and pulled the plug. he felt we were moving way to fast (we were) and that I needed more than he can provide at the time…When I look back, I can see and understand where he’s coming from. I’m NOT devaluing myself by understanding him, NOR do I believe that i’m settling by giving him a chance. People will think that, but that’s okay, that’s their opinions, I have to do what I feel in my heart is what i need to do. And maybe you need to do the same beacuse at the end of the day, it’s your life, therefore you need to make those choices beacuse no one else is going to live with them but you.

My next piece of advice is to allow him to lead, especially if he’s fearful due to his past. This doesn’t mean that you can’t take part or even initiate, but learn how to plant that see and allow him to water it, this way he believes that he’s making the decisions and he will feel good about it, he’ll feel more stable and confident in the growth of your relationship. IF he feels pressured to move the relationship in a direction he’s not quite ready for, he MAY go along with it for a first little bit but i guarantee you that he will snap out of it and realize what’s going on and he will freak out again and bolt! He may even feel resentment and you don’t want that.

I’m doing this with my ex, Im allowing him to lead our “relationship” and I use that term loosely because we’re just not there yet…I want him to feel good about the choices we make in regards to hanging out, seeing each other…etc. I want him to feel comfortable and feel as though HE’S making these decisions too, not me carving the path out for him to walk down, we’re doing it together and so far it seems like he’s much more happier and comfortable. I do not feel a need to define anything at this moment, and I’m very much okay with that, why? Because in my heart, I do believe he’s worth this chance and I do believe that IF we are going to be together, then what’s the rush to get there RIGHT NOW, i’m just enjoying my time with him and that’s really it.

Lastly, live in the moments! don’t live in the future! if you do, he will pick up on this and it won’t be good. Also, try to keep people out of your relationship as much as you can, beacuse friends tend to get too invloved sometimes and they love you and care about you, so they want you to be in a place they feel they believe you want to be in, and sometimes they end up pressuring you to get there! and if your relationship is a bit stagnant or in a place that they can’t understand, they start to lay it on thicker by saying things like, “Well shouldn’t you be here by now? has he said he loves you? why hasn’t he said he loves you yet? why haven’t you reached this milestone yet….blah blah blah” Who cares what other ppl say or think, every relationship is different and everyone has their own views of what a relationship should look like, live your relationship based on whats best for the two of you, NOT what’s best in the publics eye and view point.

Anyways, good luck sass! I’m glad you’re getting and giving his a second chance! :)