I am… so confused – not even sure if he ghosted & i regret calling him out

Why are you second guessing this? If he cared he would have responded to you if he was actually that keen or interested. Your gut feeling was that he was fading. Even if he wasn’t losing interest (he was though) you don’t want man that makes zero effort so you took charge and called time. Which was an ok thing to do. Personally i don’t bother calling guys out. I just wait and observe and no contact from them tells you that they aren’t interested enough. I never instigate with men until I’m confident that they are consistent and i have learnt to not give a sh*t until a mans my boyfriend.

If you hadn’t called him out its possible he would have popped back up when he felt like it, but if a man really likes you they don’t just disappear or stop making an effort. I wonder if you had been hoping that your calling him out would have triggered a better response from him and better behaviour?

Honestly, he was still actively on dating sites. You’d been sleeping together without any discussion on exclusivity etc so he probably saw it as casual. You didn’t want casual so you were right to end it and move on. Its frustrating when men do this but its sadly just part of dating these days.

These stories are never fun to read. But i believe he actually did you a favour, although i will never understand why its so hard for guys to say: its not working for me.
So first Google seven stages a guy falls in love. It will explain a lot: this guy never made it to the last step. He didnt fall in love as in youre the one.
Then: dont date a guy for 3 months thinking he doesnt owe you anything. If youre sleeping with him, dont you think you can ask for being sexual exclusive in return? You are selling yourself short here. Dont do that again. Would you board a plane where the pilot would tell you he doesnt know how to fly before you enter? Of course not. Dont have a Lets keep having sex with this guy and date without having one clue what so ever where you stand.
For now: grieve this guy, and know soon you wont think about him anymore. Its not fun, its a process you have to go throw. And after it you will be fine

If he were interested he would have stepped up!
And if you hadn’t said anything he still wouldn’t have stepped up.
Most guys who start off casual don’t magically change their minds after months ….

God this is so theraputic and reassuring. I’m glad I posted it. I’ve been doing mental gymnastics for 3 weeks that I looked crazy by calmly saying something and removing myself and he felt rejected. Worth noting, we didn’t have 1 tense moment in nearly 4 months, so this really was out of left field. the “why” is irrelevant, i’m sure I don’t want to know why – I just…wasn’t sure if I made the right call by stepping back and didn’t want to say nothing because then he could say well you didn’t reach out to me either.

You did not listen to his actions. In fact, you did not even listen to his lack of words. Next time:

A. Do not contact men who are not your boyfriend. Only if they are very consistent as a reward… 1/4 about. If they pull away, that is a sign of inconsistency and is rewarded with silence.

B. Men who want to be boyfriends act like it usually within a month and usually lock it down by 6-8 weeks, 12 latest. You don’t know where you stand, he is not committing.

C. It is not enough to say you don’t want casual sex. You only want sex in a growing exclusive relationship. This should be said prior to sex and that you are attracted to him, but you will not be sleeping with any man still online dating others. You can decide when that is the right thing together.

D. Never date a man once a week for more than a month unless there are circumstances such as kids and distance, it is a sure sign you are a one night a week girl, relationships escalate.

E. Always ask a man what he is looking for from dating (not you) at around date 3. Anything less than I am open to the real deal should I find it should be ended.

F. As painful as it is and as unkind and immature, he did tell you he was not interested. In actions.

But I don’t think he was that into it after week four anyhow.

Eep. Well this is all very insightful.

His best friend died in a literal freak accident about a month into us seeing each other, which I think is the only reason I made excuses because I would not be ok for quite awhile after that. In my head he did nothing technically “wrong”, was sweet to me, saw me consistently, reached out every day.

Tough. :( Lesson learned. I REALLY appreciate the time anyone takes to give an objective point of view – you all can’t imagine how helpful it is to get out of my own head and see it clearly. Thanks all <3