This topic contains 11 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Lane 3 weeks, 4 days ago.
July 3, 2020 at 12:52 pm #795286
I hurt my boyfriend’s pride. I suspectied he was flirting with someone in private chats. He is sad that I don’t trust him. He is usually very affectionate but now turned cold and totally unaffectionate. He still send me good morning and good night, but totally without and emotions. I just text him back But i am scared that I will push him away further if I show my affections or apologise. Is he done with me?What should I do?July 3, 2020 at 2:01 pm #795288
What caused you to think this?July 3, 2020 at 5:25 pm #795304
Just be yourself.
You have nothing to apologize to. Be available, be warm and inviting, but you don’t owe him an apologize.
Maybe send him some funny memes. A secret fear of men is a partner who is often uptight, angry, or without humor.
Good luck.July 3, 2020 at 5:58 pm #795306
I did something similar once, unintentially. I gave advise he did not ask for on something he said was a goal. He got totally triggered into feeling unworthy (his own stuff, not me). He never came back from it and we broke up very shortly after.
But, it was for the best. I need to be with a man who pushes himself to achieve his goals and strong enough emotionally that being pushed gently by his partner is ok. I need a man who can self soothe and talk through problems. I had apologized and he just was unable to shake his feelings, which were there before me.
This guy was weak and I deserved better.July 5, 2020 at 6:10 am #795398
It’s been a week since he has emotionally detached from me. He still sends me good morning and good night and yesterday he send me a picture of a store and told me he’s there.
But then his messages are without any emotions Like before.
I tried to just reply to whatever he texts me in a friendly tone and manner.
I don’t know if he just need time or he is thinking about a break up.
I really don’t know if I should send an apology and tell him again that I love him and want to make the relationship work again.July 5, 2020 at 7:48 am #795400
There must have been a reason why you thought he was flirting wit other girls. I dont know what you based it on but i would say you sensed him pulling back. To accuse of flirting without a single shred of evidence is prettty dumb and shows ypu dont trust him. Then there is the long distance thing where trust matters the most.
And maybe you read too much in the text. Cold or not cold. Who dont you just pick up the phone and have a light conversation? He is the one you have a relationship with so if you feel its a bit out of whack, talk to him. But not lke over and over. Just how he and you are doingJuly 5, 2020 at 10:57 am #795408
Yes, I don’t have concrete evidences and yes i was stupid. We are both mature adults so i was really really stupid. I wish I hadn’t do that. We already talked on the phone a week ago and he was sad that I didn’t trust him. I said i love you to him but he didn’t say It back. When I asked him, he said he will tell me his feelings when he wants to.
After that phone call, i still get his text every day but usually just good morning and good night and he stopped calling me the sweet name that he used to call me. I also refrain myself from texting him unless he text me first as I don’t want him to feel pressured. He also stopped calling me since that last call.
I realised I hurt him so much so i don’t dare to bring the topic up again and apologise as i worry that he will disappear totally then.
I am trying to give him time and space but I don’t know what’s on his mind. I don’t want to lose him and i really want to make the relationship work again. I already made the worst mistake. I don’t want to make another one again.July 5, 2020 at 12:16 pm #795417
Look if this was a solid relationship he would be over it by now. Sometimes people get jealous or suspicious. Guys understand that. They dont go sulk for over a week. So stop calling this the worst mistake ever. I also said you must have sensed something is off. I still think thats true. So if you tried calling and he is non receptive i would just mirror him. Are their plans to meet up soon?July 7, 2020 at 10:21 am #795627
How far is the distance? How often do you see each other?
I don’t think you were stupid. I think your gut was telling you something was off, and you reacted to those alarm bells. A woman’s instinct is pretty strong, so when those spidey senses start tingling, I wouldn’t sweep them under the rug. However, I wouldn’t make an accusation unless I had some definitive proof, which a little *investigating* can uncover if you know how to seek it out. I think you caught him which is why he’s acting the way he is because a man who isn’t guilty wouldn’t behave this way, he would be “understanding” especially because your LD, and go out of his way to allay your fears by SHOWING YOU that you are the only one he is, and wants to be with.
I am in an LD, and have been for over three years. I’ve had a couple of those *nagging feelings* when I could feel him pull away a bit or his conversations with me changed. I however sat on it, gave him space, and he picked right back up again a day later, so I knew it was my overactive mind, and one of those *one off’s* for him. This however takes time to develop, by carefully watching them, when together, so to get a really good sense, and benchmark of their behaviors so when your spidey senses (intuition) goes off, you can sit back, and observe, to see if its something to worry about or not.
My BF is an open book. He naturally feels compelled to tell me all the little details about his day, whereas, if he stopped then I would know something is up, and would definitely investigate or confront him. For instance, last night, after spending the July 4th weekend with him, and driving home (about six hours) I turned on “Furbo” (a dog camera with treat dispenser) which I had just installed at his house, as its at mine when our dog is with me. I initially was going to pop our dog a treat but decided to watch instead, OK spy a little haha. He was talking with his brother in his arm chair when he got up, and took our dog outside. For about 20 minutes he stayed on the front porch where he let our dog in, and out, a couple times which is normal. He then called me, and literally recited everything I had just seen on Furbo, including his phone call to his brother, and letting our dog in/out lol. Maybe you should give him a “Furbo” if he has a dog :o)July 16, 2020 at 1:03 am #796572
It’s been two weeks. He continues to message me in the morning and night but no call. I tried to give me time and space so I only replied to his messages. His messages are cold and polite but he did text me twice that I am always in his heart. I try to remain positive but the situation became clear last night. After he texted good night, he said let’s take some time to talk next week. (I know because his work very busy and does not have time this week). I sense that he wants to break up. I am devastated and couldn’t sleep all night. I really don’t want to break up but if he has already made up his mind I need to respect his decision and I won’t beg him. I don’t know how I should react when we talk next week. I think he will continue to message me as usual before next week. What should I do? Is there anything I could do before the talk?July 16, 2020 at 9:56 am #796598
This doesnt really sound like a relationship. From what you say, its long distance without callls, without meeting up. Just a good morning text here and there. Plus you had suspicions about him.
Have you two actually met or is this virtual?
Take his invite to talk. If he wants to break up, there is really nothing you can do except tell yourself you dont want a guy who doesnt want youJuly 16, 2020 at 11:34 am #796605
I honestly think it would be for the best for you to end this charade of a whatever you have here as you are obviously miserable and unhappy. Being continually “punished” by this man who is not only acting like an immature brat but would make an atrocious partner long-term. Do you really want to be with a man who punishes and tortures you whenever you question or voice a opinion, or issue arises? He’s using emotional warfare against you, engaging in passive-aggression and stonewalling tactics because he knows you know the truth about him! Sorry but a man who was not guilty, or heck, even guilty of it would do everything in their power to work it out if he truly loved her! His actions are of a man who doesn’t love you, doesn’t respect you, and is doing everything in his power to get rid of you.
Get some dignity (self-worth/self-respect) and just do it to him because he is doing it to you, you just keep holding on like a dog with a bone refusing to let go. Let go of the bone!