How to have a talk but not "the" talk

What you want to do is emotionally manipulate him instead of just being direct and asking where he see’s this going. Men aren’t afraid of “the talk” if they are emotionally invested, so best to just rip the band-aid off before you endure another sucking chest would (broken heart).

Personally I don’t think its wise to get under one man to get over another—all it does it create a big old mess. You really should take some time being alone; learn how to love being single, and find happiness being with yourself for awhile. Only when your heart is thoroughly mended, and not so afraid anymore, should you try dabbling in the romantic pool again.

If your heart was “obliterated” a couple of months ago, are you sure you’re ready to date? Dating always entails the risk of getting hurt. You have to accept that.

If you’ve only known this guy a few weeks, how many times have you seen him? Have you slept with him? Sensy is right that a guy who wants to impress you will take you out, and will initiate dates/contact. So hopefully this guy is taking the initiative & reaching out to you.

If he’s doing all that, you could simply have a conversation with him & say you really like him & like getting to know him, and are not looking to just casually date, and ask him what he’s looking for.

But i also think having too many “talks” early on put pressure on a budding relationship. Things need to develop naturally. Asserting your boundaries is good, and necessary (for example, saying you won’t have sex unless you’re exclusive). But trying to define the situation too soon, rather than letting things grow organically on their own, could actually squash a potential relationship.

I also have a vague recollectipn of older posts but not the specifics and agree you seem to do it all over again. You start to date a younger guy assuming there would be no future (by itself dating a younger man doesnt mean there is no future, i talked to a man Yesterday who met his wife when he was 28 and she was 40, and now 55, still happy together). But anyway you figured its a fling, you start to sleep with him, no you suddenly like him but youre in the pickle of having no clue where his head is at. You are really you own enemy here. I agree with lane, its best to ask now so if he is only in it for sex (and there is a high chance that is the case) you can step out. And be more careful with your heart

Hi Steph
Your anxiety is coming off really strong over someone you yourself say may not work due to the age difference. I really don’t think you know what your looking for and are trying to fill in a void by finding any man who shows an interest.
You really need to figure out what it is your looking for in a relationship and before that figure out true happiness within yourself.
I would not have a talk with this guy unless you want him to leave. If there are certain things he does that come off as a FWB scenario then you need to put your foot down and not follow along. You can’t say something and do something else…same way we want men to follow through with actions we need to follow through as well with what we say and do it.
However, I do think you need to do some serious soul searching within yourself first.

You write you’ve only been dating this guy for a few weeks, not months. It’s way too early to be having talks. Also your title makes it seem like you would like to try and speak to him in a round about way. Again. Not a good strategy. I agree with the others that your post sounds a little like you’re not in an ideal place to be dating. Because being a healthy dater means being patient with men. It means watching and observing. You are making out their character at that time and you are watching and observing how they treat you, how they treat others, how consistent they are, how they handle their stress, you’re taking time to reflect (WHILE DATING THEM) how they make you feel and assessing if their life and their values are compatible to yours.

Most of the time men will show you who they are. They will also make it clear what their intentions are with you organically. But if you hit 3 months and the guy has been mum and given you no clue what he wants you to be in his life – you would owe it to yourself to be direct, not dance around the subject and just speak to him. Healthy men, who are good partners – admire directness and honesty. They are usually turned off by women who are afraid and want to jump into a commitment without feeling like the woman has vetted them as much as they have vetted her.

If this is going well I would just do your best to enjoy it! Refocus some of your energy back to yourself. Seek therapy which will take time to find. Start journaling when if you get anxious, which can be started today. Good luck