How to handle this situation, kind of open ended?


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This topic contains 9 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Newbie 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #836618 Reply

    Ella

    Hello again! I posted here about two weeks ago, about a great first date, I am 22, and he is 21, so still young. We are both still home on break right now, from our respective colleges, only live about 20 minutes away from each other at home. But we go to completely different colleges, he goes to a school 4 hours away, much larger than mine, and meanwhile i attend a city school only about a hour away. We had a GREAT 2nd date a few nights ago, in the middle of dinner he asked to see me again, and I was very surprised (he also told me how i was “glowing”), no one has ever said that to me before I had no idea what to say, I just laughed and smiled lol. We had dinner than went to a park shared a kiss, and then before he drove me back home, he brought up where this is going talk, which I was very surprised by, I thought about bringing it up but considering it was the second date I backed off, and let him lead.

    He said how he knows we both have our own lives, wishes we had more time spent together, but wants to ultimately keep in touch. (I come back home every so often since I am closer, but he does not, and our school calendars are completely different too). He said he has “no expectations, and just wans to go with the flow”, but he likes me and wants to pick this up where we left off again whenever that is, and wants to leave the door open. I 100% agreed, and said how I feel a connection, its very natural, but this is just how it has to be. He drove me back home, and we kissed in the driveway for a bit and he said in between kissing that hes glad that they we were on the same page and cleared some things up. He walked me up to my doorstep and kissed/hugged me again (he didn’t do that the first date), and said how he really wants to see me as much as he can before we go back to school. I have classes starting tomorrow, but am staying home for an extra week since I have a few other friends that I won’t see until May due to their schedule, so I said I will let him know. I plan on texting him later today saying when I am free.

    He texted a few hours later saying “I know I said it many times tonight, but I had a great time with you.” “I am really looking forward to seeing you next week”. I mean I wasn’t expecting him to bring ANYTHING up regarding the “future”, but was very impressed by his communication skills for a dude a year younger. The only thing that kinda irked me was the “no expectations go with the flow” line, as guys that typically say that mean they just want sex, but this guy has not been pushy at all, asking me questions, the kissing has been sweet, we have held hands, so makes me think he just genuinely means he wants things to develop organically, and senses how this might be impossible to plan insanely ahead. I am still talking to a few other guys, but MAN this connection has been so easy going and natural, with the right amount of attraction and conversation I can’t help but be a little concerned for the future. I am graduating from college in June, and I have a lot to do regarding my senior thesis, taking 19 credits this upcoming term, so dating might not even be a major priority for me the next few months, but we are both entitled to do what we wish. Sigh. Always so complicated. So the game plan is to see him once more, and then slightly keep in touch, and wait for him to reach out whenever that moment is I guess (we both live so close to one another when we are home, i honestly don’t see how we wouldn’t want to hangout but you never know) and try not to hold to any emotional value to any future texts and whatnot. Let me know if this is the right way to go about it?

    #836635 Reply

    Raven

    Yes, go with the flow… You have your whole life, how exciting!

    No sex though… Just some hot kisses!

    #836643 Reply

    T from NY

    In my opinion this man has told you, very clearly in manspeak, that he is not offering commitment or exclusivity – but is saying when y’all are home he ‘may’ want to see you, possibly be your hometown hook up. And I am NOT denying y’all may have a great connection – but please remember men can be their MOST charming and make you feel really close to you prior to sex. Also remember Women are the most clear headed before sex, while men are the most clear headed after sex.

    I know he has not tried anything yet. Perfect gentleman probably get laid more than overt f boys. If I were you I would look at him as someone FUN and maybe fun to sleep with when visiting home, while also dating and keeping your options wide open at your college. Let him lead, keep him off your mind when you’re not together. If you do end up sleeping with him one day when you’re both home – use protection (as always but if y’all weren’t exclusive especially). Let him miss you and your glowing self, keep living your best life and who knows what the future will hold!

    #838022 Reply

    Ella

    Sorry for late reply, thank you both for the advice! I really relaxed a bit more then got into my head again. We saw each other last Tuesday and spent four hours together chatting and then some kissing again, and he told me he really likes me and we talked more about it. He said how he doesn’t know what he wants and I said thats perfectly ok, since I am not too positive either, and all that matters is that we have fun together and enjoy each others company. I was supposed to see him the day before he left but he ended up having to run over to a bunch of appointments and he asked to call to say bye more properly and wanted to apologize instead of just sending a text, for a 20 year old I was very surprised! We ended up talking for a hour and he said how he is gonna miss me twice, and I said I am going to miss him too, he wishes we spent more than 10 hours together, but he said he is “hopeful for the future”. Now just casual chatting on and off, but I am trying soooo hard not to get my hopes up, and really remove him out of my head/not overanalyzing anything I say to him now/ letting him lead a bit/still being myself. Really trying to focus in on more on hobbies, and my senior thesis, as I do not graduate until mid June, meanwhile other schools are done beginning of May, so I am trying to hunker down and spend less time thinking about him but oh boy its HARD.thank you again both for advice, just gotta roll with it

    #838043 Reply

    Tallspicy

    Why on earth did you tell him the whole malarky that it is ok he doesn’t know what he wants? And that all that matters is in the moment?

    Bulls$it. You are young, and it is important to know that the cool girl gets taken advantage of and abandons herself.

    I know you did because this guy already told you he is not committing and now you are falling for the optimistic about the future crap. And you are already thinking about it too much.

    Next time…. tell him you have enjoyed your time together, you are not a casual girl. It is ok to say, I hope we stay in touch and maybe friends is best for right now given the circumstances.

    Never again tell a man you are ok with something you are not ok with. You will thank you for it in the long run.

    #838049 Reply

    Newbie

    There is a delay in posts sp i may double say the same thing. It would be very unwise of you to get your hopes up about this guy. He is gone and will have more dates with girls there. He probably is a nice guy but he cant promise you anything amd he didnt. He literally told you that. Women are so hard hearing when it comes to things like this. They remember the guy wished you talked more than 10 hours and how adult he is and forget he only wants to hook up again when he is back on town. And i dont blame him, in fact thats very wise. How things will be next time he comes back is of later concern. But not for right now. The biggest danger if you both stay in touch eoth texting. Dont build up a fantasy around that. Its very common for females to get hooked on words.
    Have a great school year. Its not all that pleasant atm but take care of yourself and what you love to do

    #838051 Reply

    AngieBaby

    He’s serving up some powerful Kool-Aid – small sips only, please. This is a whole lot of “perhaps, perhaps, perhaps” and while it’s nice you connected so well, you should be meeting other men and getting on with your life.

    #838065 Reply

    Ella

    Appreciate all of you for being clear with me, I definitely have gone into this more aware and realistic than in the past (so thankfully some growth there), im really only responding to him when it feels right, and backing off slowly, to protect myself here lol. I def am hooked onto words, but know that the situation is fluid and a lot can change, so can’t really focus on the different outcomes, and only focus on the choices I make personally day in and day out, not his. I am very aware of what the situation is at the moment, I guess it just took a lot to put myself out there again, and to have something click was very nice, but I do know nothing can come out of this besides for a hometown hangout thing. Thank you for upfront words!

    #838074 Reply

    Newbie

    There is nothing against having casual situationship as long as its what you want and youre cut out for it. I honestly doubt that a little bit since youre still planning to fish him in the net. And seeing this as fluid as i view it as pretty fixed. But its true, you never know what the future holds

    #838075 Reply

    Newbie

    I also strongly agree with tall, never say youre ok about something when you are really not. Thats the slippery slope of becoming a pleaser and not the woman who knows what she wants. If you apply this now, you will profit from it forever

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