How often do exes come back?

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This topic contains 22 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Chik 4 months, 4 weeks ago.

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  • #594269 Reply


    We love them, blame ourselves, and want them back so bad. We try talking to them and apologizing over and over again sometimes over things that are not even our fault. Sometimes to the point of being blocked. Then we are crushed. My question is how often do exes really come back? Has anyone had an ex come back?

    I part of me still loves mine but I can’t allow myself to believe any part of him actually cares about me after the way he treated me. That is why I blocked him and soon as he unblocked me. Because I keep thinking as much as I loved him that he wouldn’t have ignored me and left if he had a loved me. It hurts. He hasn’t contacted me. Not that it matters since I blocked him now.

    My experience is most of my exes have came back but it is usually after I’m over them and moved on. Then it really didn’t matter cause there was nothing to come back to. Does anyone have the same experience? Did the man you love come back after you stopped missing him?

    #594271 Reply


    Read the fader/ghosted thread below. It asks the same question.

    #594302 Reply


    I’ve had alot of exes come back but only one that I really wanted back and never could seem to move on from. I certainly wasn’t over him when he came back and he wasn’t over me. And now he’s my fiance!! I would say 90% of the married couples I know broke up at some point during their relationship and got back together. It happened to almost everyone in my family and most of my friends. But you do need some time to reflect and look at the relationship and whether or not it’s right for you. Sometimes there are reasons you breakup that are just deal breakers. Things like different religions, wanting/not wanting kids, one wanting to travel like a gypsy, the other wanting to settle down. There are all kinds of reasons why some relationships just can’t work.

    As a matter of fact, if you read the ghosting thread you’ll see my comment that one of my ghosts reappeared when I started dating my fiance! But that time and perspective made me realize I didn’t want him back and he wasn’t the right fit for me.

    Oh and I never begged or apologized profusely to get them back. I kept my dignity and I certainly never got blocked by an ex. I think that makes a big difference in whether they come back around.

    #594362 Reply



    You said “that makes a big difference in whether they come back around”-what does? Not begging/pleading or not getting blocked?

    I got deleted by ex on social media weeks after he broke up with me. I didn’t beg or plead though. He was acting distant and we had been in a weird space for a while so I reached out to him to talk. He was still distant a week later so I said If this isn’t what you want then so be it and then didn’t look back. So I’m just curious what you meant when you said those things above lol.

    #594366 Reply


    Yes I meant that the begging and pleading and apologizing has the opposite effect that you expect and just pushes them further away. Think about when you’ve wanted to break up with someone and you’ be made up your mind and you know how hard it is to actually say the words and break up and hurt someone’s feelings. Now is there really anything that guy could say to get you back? And the more he would beg and plead and the more desperate he is the less you want to talk to him or deal with that drama. Guys even more so hate drama and hurting a girl ( provided they’re not a narcissist or psychopath). They want to stay as far from drama and having to hear how much they’ve hurt you as possible.

    #595371 Reply


    Rarely… if they do come back, more often than not, it is just for a short period of time.

    I am 34, and I only know of 1 relationship, where they broke up, but got back together, and still are. And they broke up because he was doing drugs. He went to rehab, got therapy, and then they got back together.

    #595379 Reply


    My past experience right through from dating at 15 to dating 20 years on from that is that probably 90% of my exes came back, where I ended it or they ended it. Almost always when I had moved on and was over it.

    The only times they seem to not come back is if they met the right woman and are happily settled with her or if they did something so awful they are ashamed to show their face!

    when they do come back though, often it is just a text or a call saying they were reminiscing. I am not sure this is “coming back”, but maybe trying to get you into bed again or get your attention back.

    In terms of exes who ended things with me and then came back genuinely asking for a second chance, then I have had only a few of those and none of them worked out in the end.

    I think mostly it is human nature to be nostalgic and they maybe get lonely or something.

    #595385 Reply


    ‘Yes I meant that the begging and pleading and apologizing has the opposite effect that you expect and just pushes them further away’

    Most definitely. I experienced this once with an ex and all it did was make me lose near total respect for him. Honestly, it was a horrible thing to witness. All the more pathetic in that I’d only dated him for a short while….

    #595478 Reply


    My ex ended it with me 3 months ago and I’m REALLY hoping to get him back. I was previously in a relationship with someone who assaulted, cheated on and lied to me. As a result I lost all my trust in men. I started seeing my now ex and initially it was great, but then because I had a jealous, manipulative friend at the time she planted a seed of doubt about him in my head (she had no evidence whatsoever)and turned me against him and I stopped trusting him and started accusing he ended it. I have been having therapy now for 3 months to get over my past demons. Although he doesn’t text me he always responds to my texts within 2 minutes. We have had conversations where he has said I was a good girlfriend but after the last few weeks of accusing he couldn’t take anymore. He says he still cares, that there is no one else and never was…Has anyone been in a similar situation? I really don’t know what to do. I REALLY hurt him with the verbal abuse and accusations but he has never blocked me or ignored my texts.

    #595484 Reply


    i find that most of the time, exes come back wanting 1 of 2 things
    either they truly miss you and want to reconcile as friends or lovers (i have friends who’ve had this happen to them) OR they’re lonely and want to see if you take the bait. most of the time it’s the latter. they never come back for something good. of course, there’s always ulterior motives behind every action, especially surrounding an ex.

    i’d like to think this is dependent upon how you handled the break-up the first time around. if the guy said for whatever reason he didn’t want to be with you/initiated the breakup, it should be strict NC on the female’s side. This tends to have the exes come back for the purpose of reconciliation because they understood that you were “serious” in cutting them out of your life.

    However, for those of you who keep leaving and coming back whenever he does pop up on your phone, etc. they tend to come back for lazy purposes – they’re horny or feeling lonely, their replacement left them and it’s better to go back to soemthing familiar, than nothign at all, etc.
    So me personally – it’s all dependent on how the INITIAL breakup occurred. My best friend always took her ex back whenever he came around. she finally said enough was enough, and gave him the “don’t contact me anymore” text. he didn’t contact her for 5 months and came back asking for reconciliation. so unless they sense you’re serious, they’ll really know if you meant it.

    #595487 Reply


    oh – i should mention that yes, they come back just when you’ve gotten over them and have maybe found someone of potential.

    my best friend didn’t hear from him in 5 months. he sent a lengthy text of saying, can we talk and i miss you – i’d really still love to have you in my life, etc. etc. at this point, my friend was talking to a guy who did seem to be quite serious. that helped in helping her be more emotionally centered to meeting him as just solely friends.

    they met up and she said they were very casual with each other. he admitted that in those 5 months he did date a girl for about 2ish months but it didn’t work out, and they were chatting about their own dating lives. had she not taken those 5 months of NC for herself, she would’ve never gotten to the place of seeing her ex, having a drink with him and chatting about her dating life. so for all those who want your ex back – YES – this is all we see at the moment. but truthfully, you just need time and space, and get yourself to a place where you are centered and can make the most RATIONAL decisions, and handle situations like seeing your ex, or talking to your ex extremely well. you can only do that with time/space.

    #595492 Reply


    This is the first time my ex and I have split up. We were in a relationship for a year but very good friends for 3-4 years before that. The relationship was great, until my so called friend started to interfere and my past experiences started to cloud my judgement. He totally understands that my issues with my ex and the fact I never had help affected my relationship with him and always says my ex has a lot to answer for. I am taking steps for myself and I want him to see that too.

    #731844 Reply


    I’m posting this hoping to shed some light on those who have recently been broken up with and are going through the pain I went through. My boyfriend of 2 and a half years broke up with me out of nowhere some weeks back. He told me he didn’t know if he loved me anymore, said he wasn’t happy, and pushed me away as hard as he could in case his doubts were true in order to not hurt me. I was absolutely broken. We had recently moved in together and in my eyes we were as happy as could be. Everyone we knew always referred to us as the life of the party and all of my friends told me they hoped to find a relationship like mine. I was completely blind sighted and admittedly did a lot of begging and crying and apologizing. He stood firm and I really thought I would never get him back, but I was confident in the love we shared and the nature of our relationship. I knew a love like ours wasn’t easy to walk away from, especially considering all of the plans we had together. I relied heavily on my sister, who advised me that though our love was strong he needed to heal and think and be by himself for a while and it would probably take months. I knew in my heart it wouldn’t be longer than one month, but I still prayed and cried and felt absolutely destroyed. 2 weeks later he left me a note asking me to stay. I can’t find the words to describe what I felt at the moment. The first time we saw each other after the break was magical. We held each other tight and he unloaded on me. He felt unsure and needed to be by himself to realize what he truly wanted was me, and that I did make him happy. Our breakup ended up being a simple break.

    #736602 Reply


    Thanks to those who have left positive stories.

    #738304 Reply


    I recently had a break-up, I though he was the one, but his 29 year old daughter who lives with him and has a baby made sure woman in her Dad’s life left. He and I are both widower and widowed. Its been 4 years since his wife passed suddenly and 4 years since my husband passed. We dated for almost 2 years and a long distance relationship, but we would see each other every 2 weeks. We were so perfect for each other enjoy and did the same stuff and he moved in with me with the daughter and baby. The problem is that we were never alone. The daughter and baby went everywhere with us. I love kids and was very generous to his daughter and son since their mother was not there to give them emotional support. To make a long story short, it didn’t work out with her living with us in my house. I would not put up with disrespect for my home or the way she talked to her father so I exploded on her. Well I put the nail in my own coffin. He bought a house and moved out and then broke up with me. This man stole my heart I loved him with everything I had and I’m a 60 year old woman. Well didn’t hear from him since Aug and he posted picture with a new girlfriend on FB. Now he is coming around my house again and stiring up those feelings I just go rid of. I know he loves me, but he needs to unload the daughter and baby and let them get on with their life. She will not let another woman come into his life. Its all about whatever money he has. I’m self sufficient emotionally and financially. I love him but he needs to grow a set of balls. She picks his clothes out, cuts his hair, and totally controls him. So yes now he’s coming around again but I don’t know if I want to get involved again. Any suggestions.

    #738305 Reply


    Ugh. Every single one. Even the ones I was absolutely sure would never talk to me again.

    #738306 Reply


    Even the ones I cried and cried over. Wish them well and lock the door behind you.

    #738308 Reply


    I’m sure I will have to do the same, though it hurts.

    #738322 Reply


    It depends on what you mean by “come back”. If you mean for them to contact you and ask you how you’ve been then most likely 100% would do that. It is only natural. We are all curious about people we’ve been involved with. I had to end a friendship with a woman last year, and we are not connected on social media (imagine that!), and I would really like to know if she is ok, as she was having some time sensitive issues, like trying to get pregnant and getting a job. So if I contact her to find out this would not be because I want to reinitiate our friendship (but I am not going to contact her, she was asking me several time not to end our friendship and I don’t feel like giving her false hopes).

    But if by “come back” you mean an ex contacting you and then shortly after asking you to take them back as a BF or as a relationship or try again, then THIS type of a come back, I bet, does not happen very often.

    What does happen often is that exes (men) contact you and then try to use you. LOL as a FWB. For sex and emotional ego boosting, especially if they think you still love them. While they are looking for someone “better”. Very nice aint it? So this is the most common “come back” that does happen a lot. And this is the situation that so many of us here WARN young women against. Do not let them “use” you. It is easier for them to yo-yo in and out of your life if they are the ones who initiated the breakup, it is much easier for them also because they are shopping around, so they are not emotionally invested or committed to you. You, on the other hand, will be emotionally involved and committed, and then when your ex breaks up with you AGAIN, you’d have to go over the pain of a breakup AGAIN and often with a double force (in case he leaves you for someone new).

    So what do you ladies mean by “come back” if you say it is 100%? LOL

    #739143 Reply


    My ex text dumped ne on whatsapp then blocked me on whatsapp and fb, etc immed afterward. Only dated a month but he got serious all too quickly. I never cried but due to my ego it haunted me. He blamed that I had male friends and would hurt him like his 2 exes did. Found after hus rebound fell flat, 4 mths later he unblocked me but still in no contact. I see now he reverted to his little boy self in running and hiding not showing adult level respect and consideration. I learned that my mid life online dating to hold back even if they push hard to get close. No man or woman is worth your self respect. Walk away and don’t look back. Chances are, you will wish you did if you do go back.

    #739150 Reply


    I think this ‘popping back in’ not wanting you back is more prevalent now than it was in the day prior to cell phones, internet and social media. In most of those cases before technology entered our lives, if they came back they did it in person asking for another chance, not just to ‘chat’ so unless that happened it was OVER for good and you just went on with your life.

    I never friended or interacted with men I only dated or even in a relationship with online like so many do today so all I have to do is ignore a text if I have no desire to maintain any form of contact with them. The only man I’ve connected with online socially is my current BF and if we ever broke up I would ‘block him’ simply because I take the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ approach and by removing all forms of connection or contact I’m able to get over a breakup quicker. Maybe when I reach the point of indifference (rarely ever think of them) I MIGHT unblock them but by then I wouldn’t remember I blocked them lol.

    #739467 Reply


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    #740182 Reply


    too often 🙄

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