How important is sex?

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  • #815405 Reply


    There is this guy with a very genuine interest in me. We have the best times when we’re together. He is very observant and I feel like he gets me and truly sees me for me. He enjoys my quirks which is a huge breath of fresh air. But I have a big concern when it comes to our sexual compatibility. We are not on the same wavelength. I am very sexual and have had many sexual partners, so I know what I like and what gets me going. To me, sex isn’t necessarily tied to romantic feelings. He has had considerably fewer sexual partners and doesn’t have sex unless he’s emotionally invested, which I respect and admire, we’re just different in that regard. Another thing is what we like in bed. I am turned on by intense sensuality and prefer rough sex (though I also enjoy slowing things down and relishing each other). He’s not like that, and when he does it I can tell that’s not who he is and he’s doing it to please me because I have been vocal about the importance sex has in my life. And I understand that people can adapt and things can be learned, but there’s a little more than that. I hate to be this person, but his size is not enough to satisfy me. I am used to several orgasms in one go, but with him, I have never had one. I am deeply afraid that if I decide to really pursue something with him, that the “just okay” sex will present a problem later on.

    #815411 Reply


    Sex us crucial. End of. I ended up with a man i wasn’t sexually compatible with because i thought it would improve. It didn’t and it eroded all intimacy in our relationship until we were just like best friends and we never had sex. I couldn’t be bothered because it was sp awful.

    I get what you mean about him not being that well endowed. My current partner isn’t as big as most men I’ve been with but the sex is still really really good so size isn’t always an issue. I mean i would probably prefer a bit bigger but if you don’t always orgasm from penetrative sex then it doesn’t really matter if you are satisfied in other ways.

    If you stay with him its not his size that will ruin things its the lack of intimacy and sexual satisfaction. By all means keep trying to see if things improve but don’t settle for crappy sex as the other good bits honestly don’t make up for it.

    #815413 Reply


    Sex is important especially compatibility in that regard with open communication about it. What concerns me most about what you say is that he doesn’t have sex unless he is emotionally invested. If he is having sex with you and being honest then he’s invested in this being a relationship while you are still figuring it out. To me, that isn’t fair to him if you are not as emotionally invested.

    I broke it off once with someone because we were not compatible sexually. Size does matter to a point but there were bigger issues like his insecurities about height/weight etc. that carried over to the bedroom. For me that was a deal breaker in the relationship. There were other things too but at the end of the day I had to consider if that was the person I could see myself sleeping with for the rest of my life and I couldn’t.

    #815487 Reply


    Agree with the others.
    I’ve broke it off with guys in the past because if you’re left feeling sexually unsatisfied, it will cause problems, trust me. I’m now engaged to an incredible man and we never have any problems in the bedroom ;).
    Obviously, every relationship and everyone is different, but I feel like sex/sexual chemistry is very important and there is nothing wrong with acknowledging that.

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