Home › Forums › The Community Lounge › He's on holiday and not contacted me.
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 1 year, 8 months ago by
Tammy.
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Lou
Ok so I’ve only had 3 dates with him, the beginning of July then I was away for a month, the beginning of August (he stayed the night), then lunch the day before he went on holiday with his 12 yr old son. We’ve texted more or less daily since the first date, equally initiated by both. On our 2nd date he kept mentioning my ‘other’ tinder dates (there are no others), and the week before his holiday I was staying the night in Sussex, he was interested in what was there for me. The next day he text early and asked what I was doing I said I was leaving my parents… to which he replied ‘Sussex parents not surrey Brighton?’ Brighton is where my ex-boyfriend lives. He’s also said he would like to take me out again when he gets back ‘if that’s ok with me’…. although I did kind of have to get that one out of him. He also left school at 18 and I’ve just got my Ph.D. He sends one message with a photo of him and his kid on the first day of his holiday and then nothing. He’s on Whatsapp every day so he’s choosing not to message… and I’m a bit confused. I will leave him be, and I of course won’t chase, and yes I’ll wait until he gets back. I’m just confused by his behavior he seems to like me he says I’m gorgeous, really interesting and he sends me videos of the hobby he competes in, then nadda, nothing… pouff.
Ewa
give him the benefit, he said he would like to take you out when he is back so wait and see. He is away on holiday and you’ve only had 3 dates, so there is not a lot of emotional connection . Even guys in established relationships don’t message much /not at all when away.
his comment about other tinder dates is quite common, I also live in England and it seems like this type of comment is a norm here haha heard it from every single guy I dated.
I am a bit confused about your education comment ? Do you think he is not on your level?
I also need to say , you only had 3 dates , he is still a stranger to you so treat him as that.Lou
I totally think he’s on my level, it’s just he keeps commenting on it and referring to me as ‘dr’… i see no problem in it at all, but he just made a bunch of teasing comments about all the things i’m good at.
Liz Lemon
How long has it been since you’ve heard from him? And when is he coming back from his vacation?
Ewa is right that you’ve only had 3 dates in 6-7 weeks. You’ve hardly spent any time together, and men don’t get attached that quickly. They don’t get attached through texting, so the fact that you text every day doesn’t mean he’s bonding with you.
Men also don’t get attached through sex– you mentioned he spent the night with you on your 2nd date, I assume you had sex. Women get attached through sex, which is why you’re fretting now, but for men it doesn’t work that way. Men need to feel an emotional bond with you before sex means anything to them. I’m not saying it was wrong to sleep with him, only that it may not mean for him what it meant for you.
About the education comment- my opinion is, it often makes men uncomfortable when women they’re with have more education (and therefore more earning ability) then they do. Even if the guy is smart, interesting, etc, he will still have a hang-up about it. I really think it’s not so much about the education itself for men, but rather the fact that you will most likely earn more money than him if you have a much higher education level. So his discomfort in that area makes sense to me. (I have a graduate degree, and my bf didn’t finish university and works in the trades– but we earn about the same amount of money, so it’s not an issue for him anymore. I think if I earned way more money than him, it would be. Needless to say he is smart, interesting, etc and the difference in education means absolutely nothing in our relationship.) So, in your case, if this guy is making comments about the difference in your education levels, it’s because it bothers him on some level, I think.
Lou
I think we probably earn the same, he has a pretty good job. I’m also a post-doc so essentially still a student.
And the sex thing could well be why I’m fretting, I’ve never done the sex date so early on so it’s been a bit of a learning curve for me, as in I didn’t foresee that it would emotionally impact me. Although I am also aware I don’t know him yet so I’ve not given him a reason to think it’s a long term he just knows I’ve enjoyed my dates with him and I find him hot, but I don’t know what I think about him yet.
I guess I am just surprised there’s no contact, it makes me feel he’s not interested in me… I don’t get men I think is the bottom line!
Tammy
All you can do now is just try to put him at the back of ur mind n let him revert whn he returns from his holiday. Nxt time pls avoid sleeping wid a man so soon! It just mks us feel attachd n emotionally invested wayy too soon n screws up our head .
AngieBaby
My two cents – forget about this one. He’s insecure. Commenting on your “other” Tinder dates and asking delving questions about what you’re doing someplace are bad signs right up front. I hate it when guys are jealous so early on for no reason.
As for the rest of it… you’ve only had three dates. He’s not going to be messaging you a lot while he’s on vacation with his kid. You’ve gotten too far ahead of him, probably because you had sex already and you’re attached because of that.
As others have said, just lean way back and let him come forward, if he’s going to. He might not. Now you know you can’t handle having sex on the first few dates.
He might not like the difference in your education levels. He might be seeing someone else. He might not be really relationship ready. Who knows. Just let it play. If he doesn’t come back, it’s not worth fretting over.
Tammy
Agree with angie
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