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M.
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M
So I finally bought it, and have just started reading it. No one in my real life has it (or needs it, I’m the only single bod I know!).
I know many of you here are longtime ANM members with a lot of great wisdom. Has anyone else here read it?
I’m only on Chapter 2 and am loving it. What I did not expect though was it to be so funny! I’ve literally had to stop reading a few times already just to re-read a sentence or two which was making me laugh out loud.
I’d share the funny bits but my kindle won’t let me copy single sentences (and the ANM moderator might tell me off!).
Would love to know if any of you have enjoyed it?
I wish I’d had this when I was single and all my friends were single too. Would have been such a great companion and source of entertainment too!
Eric CharlesKeymasterM, this thread is fine to have up and I don’t mind if you paste in some text from the book.
Funny you should mention the book, because I recently read through it and saw sections that Sabrina and I want to update.
I’ve already mostly rewritten Chapter 1 (it needs some minor final touches). In rewriting the content, I realized that rewriting the Chapters is a lot more work than writing from scratch!
That has delayed me banging out the remaining updates on the book. For the next chapters, I’m going to write an outline of what’s there, an outline of what it needs to be and then try to assemble a rewritten chapter from there…
Truth be told, it kills me a bit to not have it done already, but there’s only so much I can do in a day! :)
The recent forum posts reflect how I would convey a lot of these concepts now.
In chapter 1, we talk about neediness and we touch on the idea of having a “fantasy future”. But the way I explain it these days is far more precise and streamlined.
Anyway, post away what you like from the book. There’s plenty of good stuff in there, and there’s also stuff that we’ve taken much further since it was written.
M
Thanks Eric! What you’re doing in your days is already brilliant and perfect as it is! (And will only get even better I’m sure!)
I think I can relate so well to the book because I’m already so warmed up with both your emails and what you teach here on the forum. Everything’s just landing with such greater impact than if I’d read it years and years ago when I needed it first!
Can’t wait to get further into it. And to get to your updates when you’ve done them. I already know they’re going to be superb :-)
(I read that “melt him” piece you wrote last week and was blown away. I’ve had this done on me, and actually remember when I’d done this with my ex-husband a couple of times when we were married, without really appreciating in full what I was doing. It was so effective, he raved on about it for months after and told everyone including all his family and friends, how amazing I’d been. I didn’t know it was an actual “thing” that I’d done!!! And that I could replicate it. Wow wow and wow.
The detail you gave was brilliant. How are you and Sabrina giving away such high quality value?!
Anyway, let me get back to the book and pull out the last thing that made me laugh. I normally share great reads with my Bookclub, but they’re all married mums, so I’ll never be able to convince them to read this. (Such a shame!! I bet it’d be useful even to them in parts!)
M
“In the beginning, he’s a texting machine. After a month or two, not so much. He’ll text here or there, but no where near his texting glory days.”
That last phrase made me laugh so hard!!! 😂
M
In the chapter about neediness, the book is advising not to be needy, and if you realise you have been, back off but don’t expressly talk about it or even apologise for it. You can apologise for being explicitly rude, name-calling etc, but only that and not for actually being needy because that just reminds him of the fact and reinforces it in his memory:
“Do not ever utter the word neediness; don’t even use words that start with the letter N in the conversation. Be calm and rational and say…”
😄😅 oh my god, it is so hard not to apologise for being needy when I have been in the past, but it’s just perpetuating the behaviour you’re trying to deny!
But! I’ve got it now! Do not even mention words that start with the letter N… 😅😄😄😄 Love it! It’s like you’ve been inside my brain!!! 😅😅😅😁🙏❤️😄😄😄M
“ A useful concept to keep in mind is the self-fulfilling prophesy…
…If you go on a date full of fear and rejection, you are setting yourself up to get rejected. If you go in with confidence, truly believing this guy will be powerless against your charm and endless virtues, then you pretty much guarantee a second date before you even start the first one.”
Oh my gosh! I’ve found this to be so true!!! On both counts! The part about me believing in my “charm and endless virtues” has me laughing so much. I actually used to be this arrogant before – and it totally totally worked every single time!!!
I need some of that back clearly! I’m going to delete (or selectively forget) my bad experiences and go back to believing in my “endless virtues”!! 😄😅😅😅❤️💖💛 Love it!!! 😍💖💖💖😅🥰😄
M
NB this concept is so powerful, it works for more than just second dates. I actually secured marriage proposals this way! (When I was going through the whole arranged marriage malarkey and when I was dating.)
Holy Heaven! I’m only JUST realising how powerful a woman can really be if she believes in herself and arms herself with the right strategies…. 😮😮😮✨✨✨
Wow…. 😮😮😮💖💖💖🌟🌟🌟✨✨✨
M
I just finished it! It’s so good and makes perfect sense to me now. I can see clearly the principles that gave me great success in the past, and where I was let down.
You know what, it’s a great title. Matching up what I’ve just read to my own experiences, I can see now that Men really are way more simple than I imagined. It’s like they’re more literal and in the moment and less fixated than women. Unless you hook them and then they can’t leave you alone!
Thank you both Eric and Sabrina for demystifying this for me. I know there’s more for me to learn, and the proofs in the pudding of course. But already I feel more confident and equipped to engage with the opposite sex than ever before. I didn’t realise before that their needs and desires were so basic and understandable (and not all about sex!).
I’ve been up most of the night reading, so I’m heading to bed now! But I’ll return to it again later, to absorb and recapture the framework and principles. And to reread my favourite bits for laughter and entertainment. (I don’t know who’s the funny one out of Eric and Sabrina, but it brought me plenty of smiles and laughter and joy along with the wisdom and story-telling. Nothing as wonderfully therapeutic and transformative as reframing pain into humour!)
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