Help! I think I’m acting like a crazy girlfriend

The words you pick are telling to me. You said you ‘caught’ your bf looking at that girls profile pic a few times. If it didnt bother you, you wouldnt have used the word caught but for instance the word noticed. From there on you link all sorts of incidents to your bf and girls. He stopped going to the gym because she isnt there anymore and so on. All i can see is you spending way too much time on useless detective work and my main question is: why? Has he done anything shady in the past? Because a normal guy doesnt deserve this kind of scrutiny. So yeah i think you act crazy and smothering

In my experience when a guy starts talking a lot about one particular woman, I know he’s interested in her and our relationship is going to end eventually. (It’s happened to me a couple of times, but that doesn’t meant it’s always the case.) Your guy is talking about these other women with you because yes, maybe he is interested and maybe your spidey sense is tingling.

You could talk to him about it in a non-accusatory way when you two are together and have some time to talk about things. Don’t text or call him about this stuff, you need to do it face to face. But if you do, stay calm, don’t accuse him (you’ve done a very good job just putting facts down in your post, that is a good guide for how you approach him about it). Also bring it up just once and only once. If you accept and believe his answers or logic, then move forward. If you think he’s being untruthful, then you need to take a hard look at how you want to continue with him. Insecurity and doubts are going to creep into how you interact with him and will threaten your trust for him and the strength of the relationship.

Personally I would talk to him about it ONCE. Then move on in a way that’s best for myself.

I am super glad you’re receiving validating feedback on this thread. I absolutely feel you should trust your gut. Many times women are made to feel their “crazy” or insecure or jealous when they pick up on these inconsistencies and non-verbal communiques from their significant other. I know it’s difficult — but I feel less inclined that you should talk to your boyfriend about this. In my mind, he is showing you who he is. If you speak to him about it – he may learn how to hide it better or not talk to you about it at all. You mention your bf loves you. I am not trying to cause hurt but LOTS of men (especially men) love their partners and still choose to cheat. People who cheat and are deceptive to their partner have poor boundaries, a sense of entitlement, get hooked on the excitement of sneaking around and love the ego stroke of juggling a stable relationship all while courting someone else, whether emotionally or physically. Hell many (men especially) in their own mind feel they are doing absolutely nothing wrong as long as they are not taking off their clothes and banging the other woman. Some just like the sport of seeing if they can “win” another’s woman’s attention, affections, and then completely never back any action up to it.

Your are not dumb or crazy. It is obvious your bf likes to seek out other women for some sort of attention. He may never plan or intend on crossing a big line. But this is your opportunity to ask yourself what YOU want. If you’re fine with a bf that might just flirt and dabble with other women here and there, but is a good and supportive partner to you – you wouldn’t be the first woman. Whenever a bf is doing something you don’t like – it’s an opportunity to step back and emotionally explore what you want and need. Then be prepared to ask for that, and walk away if necessary. Although I’m sorry to say – people who do the things he’s doing rarely change. It’s who they are. That’s just my opinion. You could ask, but for me, I don’t want to be with any man that makes me feel he’s being furtive or seeking attention from other women. Wishing you the best.

T from NY I think you got exactly what I was thinking. I don’t think he’d ever cross the line because he’s told me he was cheated on in the past. But I can’t help but think that he likes the attention from other girls. It’s funny cause he always says that I like attention from other people.

I just remembered all the other instances too. There was a girl at a salon. He couldn’t stop randomly bringing her up into conversation. He went back to the same place, but to his disappointment she wasn’t there anymore.

An older female also asked him for a work related favour while we were away on holiday and he spent the day on his phone texting her even after he had sent her what she needed while we were together. The only time he stopped was when he realised that I pulled out my phone too to keep myself busy while we were out together for drinks.

I guess I also agree with the other comments. He might not be doing anything wrong but maybe it’s something that crosses my boundaries or limits. But I still don’t know how to talk to him about this without sounding controlling or “crazy”.