He pulled back after a fight then ghosted


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This topic contains 9 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Liyahna 2 months ago.

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  • #939648 Reply

    Liyahna

    Hi ladies.

    I hope I can get some guidance from the lovely ladies and lads of this forum.

    I’ve been dating an older man (I’m 31 and he’s 47) for 2 months now so fairly new but we’ve progressed pretty quickly and honestly this was the most romantic man I’ve come across. He gifted me a silver coin (he trades) and flowers on our first date and has been very thoughtful and has communicated his intention and where he wants us to go literally every single day. We’ve communicated and talked and texted every day, he initiated all of the contacts and I happily and cheerfully always responded. He’s expressed he deeply cares for me and appreciates me in his life. It was lovely reading his long thoughtful messages every day.

    So here’s where things have changed. He was in my area and knew I liked Thai food so he called to see if I’d like some. I said sure, I asked him to call me so I can place an order since I wasn’t sure if he was busy or not. He didn’t like i didn’t say please (an inside joke he makes is I’m bossy when I don’t say please) to which I didn’t think much of it as I thought he was joking. I was working so I ignored it and he messaged me saying I have 10 mins to ask him to call me nicely or he will pick whatever order. I just laughed it off and said okay I don’t want your food. This was a joke. He goes ahead and orders something I normally wouldn’t eat, he’s into health food so he ordered the most healthiest option. Long story short I didn’t like the order so I threw it in the bin, he didn’t like hearing this after he’d asked how the food was and I told him I threw it away, citing a fake excuse of he placed the food on the floor next to his car and I don’t like food that’s touched the floor, even though it was inside 2 plastic bags and containers. Anyway he ended that call abruptly and sent a message saying he was hurt by what I did and that I should donate money to homeless people and that I should take him to a romantic dinner to rectify this.

    I apologised to him and told him I’ll donate as it’s food wastage etc but I ignored his message about taking him out for 2-3 days. He never reached out, he always reached out. So after 2-3 days I reached out just saying hello. Which he responded warmly but not his old bubbly self. I left it alone. Then messaged him a day later and asked how he was and I felt distant from him which he acknowledged and he told me he had covid and this is why he pulled back plus the issue previously but will tackle the issue once he feels better and ready to talk about it, he ended the convo by saying let’s talk tomorrow. I didn’t push it and told him that’s cool. He then reached out next day and carried on the conversation like nothing happened and was back to his old self. I felt weird because he said he was feeling better but not bringing anything up so I pulled back and pretended to be busy when he wanted to text back and forth. I then reached out before I slept saying “heya” and he never responded to this, it’s been 3 days.

    I also wanted to add he told me regardless of what the outcome of our getting to know was he would teach me how to trade and start my own business but I never pushed this when we were dating because I didn’t want him to think I was using him for that but now I’m really regretting not persisting him to teach me.

    Please advise what your thoughts on the nicest possible way as I’m in an emotional space at the moment with my menstruation and anxiety etc.

    #939649 Reply

    Liyahna

    Forgot to add on the day where this happened he’s asked me to bring a ring so that he can take it to the jeweller and get them to make a custom made rhinestone ring for me. I have no idea how we went from that to this so any advise and insight will be much appreciated xx

    #939650 Reply

    Raven

    Really?
    You threw the food away…

    #939651 Reply

    Ewa

    girl you must be rich if you can throw the food away these days…
    anyway, he is love bombing you, run as fast as you can.

    #939652 Reply

    Maddie

    None of these “inside jokes” sound funny, but sound like thinly veiled criticisms?

    People are on their best behavior for the first few weeks or months of dating. You keep dating someone before seriously committing in part to figure out if they’re for real or if there are sides to them you haven’t seen yet. It’s pretty normal for someone who has been on best behavior to start showing their true selves after a couple months. If he’s suddenly behaving differently or inconsistently towards you, and showing you who he really is, pay close attention. Don’t ignore feelings of discomfort just because you hope for things to work out, really listen to what your instincts are saying about all this. If you feel disrespected or confused, he may not be right for you. It may also be worthwhile to look up a list of signs of love bombing, as Ewa suggested, and call things off quickly if that’s what he’s been doing.

    #939653 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    This guy is love bombing you. Flowers and a silver coin on the first date? That’s way too much, you don’t even know the guy and he’s already gifting you valuable stuff. That’s what love bombing is, it’s too much too soon. He wants to have a custom ring made for you? That’s something a person does in a long-term committed relationship, not with someone they’ve only been dating a few months who isn’t even a boyfriend. Again, too much too soon, which is a classic sign of love bombing.

    Maddie is right that people tend to be on their best behavior for the first few months of dating, but then their real selves start to show through. No one can keep up “perfect” behavior for long. So now you’re seeing his real personality. He sounds controlling and weird, honestly (getting upset that you didn’t say please? saying you have to donate money to the homeless and take him to a romantic dinner to make it up to him?).

    It was rude of you to throw the food he bought you in the garbage. It was also strange that he knowingly ordered you food you wouldn’t like. At this stage in dating you should in the honeymoon period if things are going to go anywhere- you should be trying to please each other and make each other happy. Instead you’re bickering over insignificant stuff and treating each other rudely. Most of the time, when you start dating someone, it only lasts a few months….that’s just how it is. If you’re a good match with the person, it will develop into a relationship, but it often doesn’t. That sounds like the case here. You’ve dated a couple of months and now you’re seeing that you’re not such a good match.

    #939664 Reply

    Tammy

    You guys both are acting rudely and dont seem to be a match…agree with liz.

    #939666 Reply

    Tallspicy

    I see a lot of passive aggressive and childish behavior on both sides here. If you dont say please often, you may want to improve that, but close people in our lifes often don’t. He ordered you food you dont like? You threw it away with a very princess excuse of food on the floor? Then you both in some form ignore and act aloof? Sounds like a poor match, but you may want to consider why you dont act more maturely. I doubt he is coming back and many relationships dont make it past the first tiff.

    #939671 Reply

    Peggy

    I agree with Tallspicy. You both acted like game playing brats. I think your behavior was frankly really bitchy. He may have been a bit “love bomby”…hard to say, he is an older guy and they may be more gift giving, “gentlemanly” etc.
    It sounds like you two likely are not compatible. But I would stop assuming and being jokey with a man, next time until you know him better. I would write this “relationship” off and be more aware of how your behavior may come across.

    #939682 Reply

    Liyahna

    Hi ladies,

    Thanks for your contribution: you were all right, we broke up. It’s for the best I guess.

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