He has a girlfriend and I'm devastated


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This topic contains 3 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  mama 2 months ago.

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  • #937540 Reply

    Emily

    Long story short, I was hanging out with a man last year. We both agreed at the time we didn’t want anything serious. We’d go out to eat and drink and we’d hook up. This went on for a few months until I started to catch feelings so I ended it.

    I know I shouldn’t have done this but I did some poking around and found out he has a girlfriend that he started seeing 3 months after I ended things. Needless to say I have a hugely bruised ego and I’m hurt. He had told me numerous times he wasn’t looking to date anyone seriously any time soon and then just a couple months later he’s with someone new. I’m really hurt

    #937545 Reply

    Maddie

    I was in a similar situation a few years ago, except he started dating the next woman a WEEK later (they’d been friends for a while, now they are engaged). Yet when I ended things that week before, he begged me not to while saying he’d never commit to me but hoped I’d stay and keep things with us exactly the way they were anyway. I didn’t find out about how quickly he moved forward until the next year also, so it could have felt worse if I knew earlier, but it still made me angry and hurt when I heard about it. So that’s a normal way to feel.

    This isn’t a reflection on you, though, it’s just a reflection that he wasn’t the guy for you at that time and you can do better for yourself. In my case, it just validated that I made the right choice in ending things. If I allowed it, he would have been happy to keep wasting my time on his own terms until he met someone else (then he’d have dumped me which would have been worse). And I didn’t waste my time because he was honest about wanting to stay casual, so I was able to make the decision to walk away after a few months of fun, just like you were. Anything he did after that was a reflection of his own nonsense and totally separate from me, nothing to do with me at all. It was not a comparison of me and the next person. Plus if I was 100% honest with myself and not nostalgic, he wasn’t that great of a match outside the bedroom and wouldn’t have been a good boyfriend for me, which is why we ended up only dating casually in the first place. So maybe my ego was temporarily bruised, but that didn’t change the fact that I dodged a bullet for myself. Plus, in leaving him behind, I was open and available when I met a man later on who wanted to commit and was a great partner all around.

    So hang in there. It’s very likely that it all played out for the best, even if it doesn’t seem that way quite yet.

    #937655 Reply

    Emily

    Hey Maddie
    Thank you for the feedback. My issue is that I felt we were pretty compatible, so it’s really sad for me the he didn’t feel the same way. I also had told him numerous times that maybe he’d find a girl he really liked down the road and he’d change his mind about wanting to be single and he said there’s no way. But then just a few months later seemingly now he’s ready to be with someone. It’s just super hurtful to me. I spent 5 months of my time with him and never got commitment

    #937682 Reply

    mama

    Something similar happened to me TWICE but the relationships were serious and “committed”, the man just didn’t want to get married. Both times I was broken up with and they each went on to marry their very next girlfriend.

    It was a huge blow to my ego, especially because it happened twice in row. So I can empathize. I stopped dating for a while after that — for many reasons but I also felt like my instinct was off and I couldn’t trust my own choices.

    Time and therapy helped me figure it out, and mainly it was that their choices were theirs not mine, and I had let go of blaming myself.

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