He got weird about my best friend being a guy – what do I do?


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This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  tammy 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #898643 Reply

    glamxtra<3

    So I have been dating a guy for about 7 weeks now. I have mentioned to him in conversation in the past that my best friend is a guy (he obviously didn’t register this on the times back when I told him) One weekend he was busy meeting his friend for lunch and I was talking to him about the fact I might see if my was back home from his travels. He said your friend is a guy? And I said yes my best friend, I had mentioned this before to you. The way he responded seemed a bit standoffish so I said is that weird?

    He grasped onto the comment of “is that weird” and totally flew off the handle about it saying has anything happened with you and him in the past.

    I said no, we have been friends for over 10 years and are like brother and sister.
    He wouldn’t let the “is that weird” comment drop and said I made it weird by saying that. I said just seeing if you are cool with it as my friends mean a lot. He said he isn’t really cool with it.

    He had asked me before to be more open with him, and I said to him that was what I was doing. My friends are important so I am letting him know who they are.

    I just do not know how to take his reaction. Is he gaslighting me? Is he insecure? I don’t want to lie to anyone therefore I am being honest.

    #898664 Reply

    amanda

    Personally I’m not ok with guys flying off the handle generally. It’s usually an indicator of a controlling person that has anger management issues.

    #898680 Reply

    Queenie

    I agree with Amanda. This sounds like a red flag to me. If he “really isn’t ok with it” this early on, it will only be more of an issue later… And my guess is he’s both gaslighting AND insecure. If he expects you to stop hanging with your best friend of 10yrs (regardless of gender) for him who you’ve only known for a few weeks, he’s way off base.

    #898692 Reply

    Maddie

    Ditto to the above. My best friend is also a guy, we are like brother and sister too. None of my serious boyfriends had any issue with that, and it wouldn’t have gotten serious if they did. Red flag to the anger, this guy is definitely insecure and has jealousy and/or control issues without showing you he also has a mature way to deal with them. How will you feel comfortable building relationship trust? And do you want a boyfriend who will never hang out together with you and your best friend, or even try to stop you from hanging out with him by yourself? Will this later extend to other friends and even family members? Give him a minute to see if he apologizes and can be mature about this after he’s calmed down, but this sounds like a warning sign. At best, him not being cool with it shows you that you both have a value conflict and incompatibility.

    #898715 Reply

    AngieBaby

    This guy has either been cheated on and isn’t over it or very insecure. You were honest and he can’t handle it. This is not going to improve, you will find yourself constantly explaining and defending yourself against unfounded accusations – throw this one back.

    #898877 Reply

    glamxtra<3

    I think he is severely insecure. I reached out to him as a friendly message after out exchange prior and it took him a while to respond but he did. We had some general conversation and things seemed ok. I messaged today though and he has blanked me. Not really sure how to take this all, possibly as his way of ending things? I am trying to be civil and nice, yet maybe this is his way of blowing things up to try and self sabotage it.

    #898892 Reply

    tammy

    why are you initiating so much? you got in touch with a general friendly message and chatted generally. why keep trying to initiate chat with him?? that just makes you come across as defensive and as if you are in the wrong. pls stop this.

    #898991 Reply

    glamxtra<3

    I have left it now and he is ignoring me.I am done with this bull. If he wasn’t so insecure I know he would have been ok with the situation. It just hurts when people can be so childish.

    #898998 Reply

    tammy

    dont encourage bad behaviour. say what you have to say and stick to it. ofcrse men and women can be good platonic friends. please don’t doubt yourself just bec he is very narrow minded and insecure. you said what you had to say. if hes sulking, acting passive aggressive, petulant, let him. dont allow and accept this kind of behaviour. i just did the same with this guy. dint know him very long. he got annoyed at something i said and started ignoring me. so i did make the next move. but he did the same thing again over some very petty thing. so i simply put him in the ignored list. today he left some silly status message about people ignoring him. or some s**t like that. this guy has been chasing me for over 12 months. i never bothered much. decided that he is not worth bothering about anyway. just chucked him out of my mind. if he behaves this way, you can just not bother from hence forth. its not so difficult once you make up your mind.

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