Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He ended it over a misunderstanding
- This topic has 19 replies and was last updated 3 months, 4 weeks ago by
Ewa.
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Mia
Little back info: He’s 34, I’m 27 we just became serious and in a relationship. He’s previously been married and said he went on tinder for a day when that relationship went bad – they weren’t broken up at the time. Him and I met on tinder 2 months ago and we both deleted it the day we met.
Situation: My friend told me he saw my profile still on tinder, I only deleted the app not my account so I reinstalled it to properly delete it. As I was doing this the first profile that popped up when I opened the app looked like him, he had sunglasses on so I couldn’t properly tell but it made me question it. I didn’t want to question him but it was bothering me all day so I ended up telling him I went on to delete my account and that popped up, I asked if he’s still on tinder. – I can see how this is wrong in my part but it’s how I found out my ex cheated on me so I have trust issues and wanted to make sure.
He said he wasn’t and tried to laugh about it since the person didn’t look like him to him but then he said he was very upset that I doubted him. He then sent me a long message saying he’s more betrayed that I was looking at another profile and who knows if I looked at other profiles. That we should end it because his trust can’t be regained.I tried explaining it was purely to go delete it and it was the first thing to pop up but he isn’t replying to me now. It’s been a day; I just want to meet in person to explain it properly. I don’t see why he’s reacting like this, unless it actually was him in disguise.
Thoughts?
Raven
Let this guy go…
This guy has a ‘trigger’ finger. This is a sign of the relationship’s future. No trust- on his AND your part.What are you doing to deal with your trust issues?
Mia
@Raven
I’ve been working on my trust issues, I’ve been single for awhile to work on myself and think I’ve improved a lot. I’ve been taking things slow with him.
It’s frustrating because I accepted all his “baggage” he has children too. I’ve been very understanding so this small misunderstanding that is making him leave . I just wished he would reply to meet me so I can explain myself.
Raven
Why would you accept his baggage?
Don’t you think you deserve better…Maybe he was looking for a reason to bail. That’s what I meant by ‘trigger finger.’
Kathy
This guy is a very bad bet. Whenever men acts like this they will come back and do it all over again. 100% sure on this..
Mia
@raven
His baggage is being divorced and having children only, I don’t want to hold someone against that. His personality and him as a being is quite genuine.@Kathy
Ah yes.. I keep thinking it is my fault though, I was the one that accused him of being on tinder after all.He still hasn’t contacted me, his last message was
“ What’s more offending is that you actually had a look at someone else’s profile, and who knows you had a look at others’ profiles too. I just feel like I’m betrayed. You may think I’m stubborn and overthinking on this issue but loyalty in relationship is so important to me. That’s why you were my 100% exclusive and I really thought you were the right girl. I think we should stop. Thank you so much for all the precious memories and I really loved every single moments I have had with you. I’m not going to hate you, but just saying it will be impossible to regain trust.
Good bye and I really hope you meet a really good guy. “My explanation of what really happened was in the next texts which he didn’t reply. He said goodbye already without hearing me out, do you think based off that text he sent he’ll come back?
Kandy Kane
Why do you want him to come back when he acts like that?
You’ve explained yourself sufficiently and he sees only his side. Yet, here you are waiting on edge to “explain” yourself to him. You’ve already done that and he gave you nothing but drama. Keep explaining and you’ll get more drama from a little boy who jumped in immediately and then backed out the first chance he got.
He wants to play it like he has high standards. The only high standards he would ever have is for you, not himself.
You dodged a bullet. Men who act like him will do whatever they can to keep you constantly explaining yourself over things they blow out of proportion. You will always be the bad one who disappoints.
This wasn’t a misunderstanding. He knows exactly what he is doing and it shows how unstable and unsuitable he would be in a relationship.
Mia
@Kandy
I understand where you’re coming from, honestly i would be out and not waiting around if it was someone else. I think I only am with him because it was over text and English isn’t his first language, we’ve had misunderstandings before (not anything serious) which is why I want to make sure he understands, then if he wants to leave that’s fine
Raven
Seriously @Mia, let him go. He is not worth the hassle/drama. AND, he does understand…
Maddie
Anyone who stonewalls you over something as minor as this, and uses it as an excuse to guilt you and claim they lost trust, is a horrendous prospect as a partner. The divorce and kids are not the baggage, his own lack of trustworthiness is. A lack of trustworthiness that he’s projecting on you, at that! He has zero conflict resolution skills. He handled problems with his ex by CREATING A DATING PROFILE while they were still together. That’s an enormous red flag and next time, run away if someone says they did that. What a selfish trash move for a married man with KIDS! And then as soon as he is getting more serious with you, he starts a fight over nothing and refuses to talk to you in person. This isn’t a misunderstanding, it’s how he handles conflict, and you’re lucky he’s showing you who he really is (terrible, selfish partner with bad communication skills) so quickly.
Here’s the thing about trust issues. You cannot work them out when you’re dating someone who can’t and shouldn’t be trusted. Sometimes your gut is telling you there’s a problem because there’s a problem, and the trust you need to work on is actually trusting yourself when something seems off. Let this guy go be a giant waving red flag for someone else. Don’t make his problems yours, drop the dead weight and keep focusing on your own healing. It will get you to another person who you will be able to trust, who you can easily work through conflict with, without BS and weirdness coming up.
rocky
he is not a good guy..i can bet it is him in the sunglasses ..it is him he was not being loyal and now he is behaving as if you are the cause of the relationship
Mia
I don’t think it was him in the photos, I was just in a bad mood when I saw and after relooking my gut says it isn’t. However, after reading all your replies you’re right about one thing. He is being immature and doesn’t know how to handle conflict, and that itself isn’t worth me even pushing for this relationship – he still is ignoring me.
It’s coming together why him and his wife didn’t work out, the problems he told me they had could’ve been resolved from my point of view.If anyone has more to say please do, it really helps me get rational haha.
Mia
Ha ha you guys, he blocked me.
He really took the flight route.Maddie
He is 34 and he wouldn’t see you in person, and now he blocked you instead?? 34, not 16? Smdh. How long had you been dating anyway?
Maybe it wasn’t him in that photo, but if you kept swiping he knew you’d find his profile? Hence all the theatrics? I of course don’t know if that’s true, but I still stand by calling out his lack of conflict resolution skills. So I’m glad you recognize that now :)
Maddie
Oh, you already said 2 months. You’ve dodged a bullet!
Raven
He went back to his (X) wife…
Mia
@Maddie
34 Yep!! Age really makes no difference for someone’s maturity level, especially being a father you’d hope he would be.
When we matched he told me he had premium so no one else could see his profile unless he swiped, he’s probably done the same. Red flags.
Thank you for your initial message though, it really helped!@Raven
Ha ha, I actually hope so for the sake of the kids.Kandy Kane
@Mia
Keep up the resolve! This guy has serious issues. To repeat what seems to be the theme: you dodged a bullet. You are in a much better position now to see and reject this kind of nonsense after the whammy this guy pulled. Best wishes!!!!Mary
He’s over the top and his only issue should be you questioning he was in there – if he actually was not on there. We get the relationship we feel we deserve.
Ewa
seems to me like he wanted to get rid of you and was just waiting for the right opportunity so he can blame you for it . The major red flag here was that he was on tinder while with his ex partner, he was probably doing the same things while with you.
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