He doesn't want a relationship

Did you ever see where this man lived, go to his home?

You mentioned great dates but not meeting anyone in his life. I’m assuming sex was involved during this time?

Did he ever mention what type of relationship he was looking for? Did he just get out of one?

For all you know, this man could have been married or otherwise attached all this time.

In any event, I would have been asking myself all of the above questions very early on, not after 4 months later.

The best thing to do is walk away expecting that nothing more than what you had will be all that you will ever get, and its OK, as its life’s way of saying you aren’t right or meant to be together.

It is very very RARE that a man will come back for a relationship. I’m over 50, and only experienced it a few times where out of the few only TWO ended up being long-term, whereas the others didn’t pan out, and its OK because it opened the door for me to meet the man I was suppose to be with.

Of the two that did, I Married one (lasted over 20 years); and now in a long-term relationship with the second, for over three years and still going strong.

Here’s the thing. I walked away from both of these men, primarily due to distance, and never expected to see or be with them ever again. They were the one’s who came back, and then had to PROVE to me they weren’t yanking my chain, were being authentic, honest and true to not only themselves but to me. They had to step up to the plate and hit it out of the ball park or they would have been kicked off the field in a heartbeat.

Never let a man decide your fate. Always be in charge of your life or you’ll miss out on the opportunity of meeting the right guy if you keep hanging onto the wrong ones. Getting into a relationship should never be your main goal. Meeting a man who falls in love with you, professes it, and treats you super well should be *the goal* because a relationship will naturally/organically flow from there, and you don’t have to do anything but be true to yourself by not accepting anything less than what you need, want and deserve :o)

He is telling you loud and clear:

– he keeps you emotinally at arms length
– he won’t introduce you to the people in his life (does he have a GF? Cos this is a red flag unless you’ve been dating only a short time)
– he says he is not ready for a relationship right now.
– never makes plans as in dates? Marriage? Cos there are sensible plans and then there’s just silly. No man you’re dating can make longterm plans unless he has no intention to deliver.

He is not interested in a relationship with you right now. In fact, he gives you no indication he wants a relationship, at all, EVER. You are probably right – he may just want to keep his bed warm until a woman comes along that he does want to date. Unless all you want is a FWB, you let this one go, or you will waste your time. He was honest with you and told you he can’t give you what you want right now – and there will never be any guarantee that he can. Is that a risk you’re willing to take?

FWIW I’ve had guys say they aren’t ready to call what we had a relationship *yet* when we first had the DTR, where it progressed to the real deal, but they never denied they wanted a relationship, and they backed that with exclusivity, incorporating me fully into their social lives – everything but the title, which soon followed. Their actions matched their words and it turned out that their idea of a relationship is something more serious than mine. But in general it’s important to be wary – and I was guarded that if things didn’t progress, I wasn’t hanging around for long in case they eventually put a title on it.

You were played. He didn’t outright lie, but he lied by omission. He should have told you upfront, from the very beginning, that he wasn’t going to ever be interested in a relationship with you. He thoroughly enjoyed what you brought to the table (companionship, sex, etc…) knowing full well most women hope a relationship will be forthcoming at some point. He knew that even if HE didn’t bring up having a relationship, at some point YOU would notice things aren’t progressing and ask him about it–at which point he could bow out. Like I said, you got played. Wise up.

Harren,

Please cut it off now. Nothing will change in a month and no man who jokes about dating your friends or dating other people will come around.

You do understand men, you just don’t leave when a man is not showing that he will give you what you want.

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for all the advice and support! I’ve decided to move along and away from this one, but to answer some of your questions. Yes, I did see his apartment and met his housemates. When I’ve mentioned that he never introduced me to anyway I meant his friends or family, he only introduced people he had to because they live together, but he didn’t invite me for his birthday party with his friends back in February, for example.