He doesn't know that I'm in love with him

I’m going to be harsh because I feel like it’s sometimes best:

He may or may not be emotionally unavailable- that is irrelevant because he’s emotionally unavailable to you.

When a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship, believe him. This guy isn’t even stringing you along. He’s made it clear that he likes hooking up with you and he enjoys your company. But the fact that he refuses to kiss you or be affectionate with you and point blank tells you no relationship equates to: Friends with Benefits. That’s what he sees you as.

And no, your sticking around isn’t going to help him see what a great match you are for him. Right now, all he wants from you is sex + company. Guys can be pretty stubborn with these things and they don’t tend to gradually fall for a girl by sticking around with them (whereas girls do tend to fall for guys over time, especially if they’re intimate with them).

The ONLY way he is going to POSSIBLY see that he wants you in his life….is if you leave. When he realises you’re not there, he either comes looking for you and offers you what YOU want (a relationship), or he is unwilling to give you what you want and just disappears.

I know it’s had to move away from him, but do you really want to continue torturing yourself by falling further for a guy who won’t even be affectionate with you? Tell yourself you deserve more and go find it. Rip the bandaid off. It’s a lot more painful when it comes off bit by bit.

“I know he’s not seeing anyone else.”- it’s possible he is actually emotionally unavailable right now to everyone. But that everyone includes you. The problem with sticking around is that… yes he might eventually become emotionally available, but during that time you have to endure the pain of him not being with you in the way you want. And of course, there is always the risk that when he does become emotionally available, he just goes and finds another girl to be with. You don’t want to risk being his ‘filler girl’. You have to judge the situation for yourself- is this guy trying to be with you but seemingly unable to confront his issues or give you his all? I’m not sure that’s the case here.

‘when I don’t want sex he’s fine with it.’- he’s not an animal. he likes you as a person and respects your company and your wishes. that means he’s a good guy but not necessarily one for you.

‘I did give him space and he came running back.’- what happened here? and what did he say when he came running back? He just wanted the same arrangement right?

‘If I move on and see other men won’t that make him never want me back?’- if you move on and see other men, it will make him realise that he either loses you or that the only way he is going to have you is if he locks you down and gives you what you want. Of course, he may not end up coming after you, but that doesn’t necessarily have to be because he doesn’t want you; it could simply be because he just really can’t give you what you want. Either way you need to know.

yams,
after he went back to his ex gf I went back to my life and never tried contacting him. About six months later he calls me out of no where and of course I answer. He wanted to take me out on the lake on his boat. but I said no…..I was kind of playing hard to get. when I eventually gave in weeks later we went for drinks and my drunken courage kicked in. he asked why I was being distance and I told him it was because of the falling out we had and I was still testing the waters with him. he didn’t disagree and he sincerely apologized for what happened. I played hard to get for a while until we went back into our usual groove. it’s so natural being with each other. no awkwardness. I feel like I’ve known him for forever.
his mom told me that he doesn’t want to hurt me again and that’s why he is how he is but that’s what is hurting me that he is afraid to hurt me. I haven’t really talked to him much but how can I tell him that I am willing to maybe get hurt if it means I get to be with him? (BUT WITHOUT SOUNDING THAT DESPERATE)!

thank you for the advice everyone. I realize I am pretty much being used but I know he’s not intending to. should I at least tell him how I feel about him before I head for the hills and never look back?

NO………… you DON’T tell him how you feel. as a. he does not care, b. you come across needy/insecure.. turn him off and he runs EVEN MORE.

Just go NC.. No Contact. AS Yams says.

YES…… tell him if you want……. THEN WALK AWAY. DO NOT make a statement like that and then let him sex you back into bed. Then he knows he can ALWAYS treat you like this.

Actually Jen here’s what I would do:

I would go NC. let him come to you to find out what’s going on. Then just be really short and cool and be like “I’ve had time to think, and I think I want more than what you’re offering. I understand you’re not in a place to give it and I respect your decision. However, I do need to move on’.

If he asks if you can be friends– answer is “maybe in the future, but not now. I need my space”.

Never be afraid of being a b****.

Babe In Control Of Herself
Boys I’m The one in Charge Here

:)

Glad you’re learning fast Jen. You deserve a lot better.

I also do like Yams approach, but I think you should realize that you would be doing that for you and you should be prepared to walk away for real. If he comes back you should also realize that he might come back to get you into the FWB and you might think that he wants a relationship, men will give women their space, come back, offer the same non-relationship and women will often take it cause they missed the guy or think the guy realized how much he loves her and wants her back. Then a month later the girl will realize hey this is the same deal, this isn’t a relationship, that’s 9x out of 10. So if you do the walk away speech, mean it, don’t accept him back without evidence that his actions are showing he wants a relationship.

Once again, there is no trick to get a man to love you. If there is, it is short lived and fades, love doesn’t work like that.

What I’m saying is that a little space on her own terms can do any girl wonders!

I rly believe that girls brains are like a ball of wire where everything is interconnected. Guys on the other hand have brains made up of many tiny boxes. So if relationships are bothering them they close that box and deal with the work box instead etc.

This is why we get so caught up in things emotionally and it impacts every area of our life. Space does wonders!

I’m in this situation, I’m really in to this bloke I met on a course we did, I sat beside him for 3 months at the time I had no confidence no morels and defiantly no standards, we became really great friends which I felt friends wasn’t the only thing I felt, I ended up kissing his too friends on social occasions which I shouldn’t off because I knew there was something there I wasn’t sure about, as time went on I realised I wasn’t kissing the right people I wanted to kissing him, so eventually I told him and he dodged me after me getting the courage to tell him this that I never told any other boy befor I was dodged, panic stations heart palpatations everything I could of got, 2 weeks later he called me out to a pub, which was there his 2 friends that I kissed said he wanted to clear something up, me obviously thinking he was going to tell me outstraight how he didn’t want this, he told me he did like me he told me everything I wanted to hear and kissed me, can imagine my delight with what had happend, after that we kept kissing kept kissing social events he really did play on my heart strings, we’d txt talk on the phone every time I seen him my heart skipped a beat, I really thought he was the one at one stage, he made me smile so confidant and happy to be myself. I start liking his interestes id never in a million years would have thought I would like all for him cause I wanted to know him basically wanted to be apart of him because it thought he was my Prince Charming, someone that made me feel what norther boy made me feel before he always helped me, he always said the right thing, he was perfect.. Now he just shows me he likes me and makes me out to me a skit. Because I’m falling for him so much he is the first man i ever actually felt for. But he’s so different around his friends, but when he’s with me he’s that man I love (yes I love) and I can’t tell him because I’m afraid he will run at the thought because as Jen said there, 4 years out of a relationship he the very same now I’m trying to give him some space because he said he didn’t want it anymore now I’m thinking I’m not good enough for anyone else not that I want anyone else he completes me ???? iv gotten everything from him how he wanted to work on us and how he wanted and liked me but never showed it, so yes it is very hard when there giving you mixed emotions leaving you thinking there’s very much something wrong with uou… I can relate it’s very very tough to be the independent woman when your a woman in love!!!!!