This topic contains 13 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Girlnextdoor 1 month, 1 week ago.
January 20, 2021 at 11:45 am #838157
My bf and I are both 25 years old. We have been in a long distance relationship since the past 4.5 months as I was visiting my hometown. We will be together again from February onwards.
But even before the long distance, we had run out of things to talk about. Actually, just him not me. And during the long distance there would be a few days when we would not even talk on call. Just a few texts throughout the day that’s all. It’s not like we don’t talk at all but it’s always general and I don’t find him interested in wanting to talk. Like he tries very hard to show that he is interested but I can just sense that he isn’t because he replies with laughter or yes and no and you’re right etc. When I asked him what the matter was he just said that there is nothing to talk about what should I say.
I don’t want to come across as a needy gf who is pestering someone to talk but I am also not much happy with this level of communication. How can things improve? And I would like to add that he naturally is the kind of person who doesn’t talk much, he is one those quiet guys, but I thought we had a different connection where he felt free to share and talk and let down his guard.January 20, 2021 at 11:45 am #838158
And this is the third year of our relationship.January 20, 2021 at 12:48 pm #838167
Honestly this might just be who he is. Not everyone is a big chatterbox. Just different personalities. Take my parents for example: my mum can chatter away all day, my dad is super quiet.
But with their relationship it works bc my mum talks and talks and my dad just listens. They do communicate every day tho (they also are separated for long stretches due to work), but once again its my mum doing most of the talking. Thats just the way it is with them.
I can also identify, i am not much of a talker either (my dad‘s genes i guess). Especially when it comes to talking about my day or my life. However i am a good listener and i do have certain subjects i love talking about. The level of talk is in no relation to how i feel about a person.
Do you have common interests you talk about? or maybe even subjects you are both interested in/have an opinion?
Is he a good listener?
Also, do you feel the problem is just that he doesn‘t talk enough? Or are there other problems with communication/ do you feel neglected in any way?
In the end i still think this comes down to personalities. If yours don‘t mesh in this area you need to ask yourself how important it is to you. If this is a priority for you, you might have to consider moving on.
I would however wait how you feel once you are together again in person. Also maybe take the pandemic into consideration. Even my most talkactive friend have run out of things to chatter about because…well nothing is happening 😅January 20, 2021 at 12:59 pm #838168
I get that communication is important in general but this looks like you want more chitchat. And he doesnt. At all.
You cant change a guy that way. What would you do if you dont like chitchat and were forced to do it. You would run for the hills. So i think this is a case of a dealbreaker or not.
Or, thats what me and ldr hubby do – we chat on the Xbox while watching the same movies and shows. Twice a week when we are apart. So look for alternatives in stead of calling for the sake of calling. Computer games, play power, lots of optionsJanuary 20, 2021 at 1:06 pm #838170
* pokerJanuary 20, 2021 at 2:29 pm #838188
Men don’t bond by talking. They bond by activities.maybe instead of talking you could do something together but apart. Cook, watch a movie, play cards etc.January 21, 2021 at 4:52 am #838285
Thanks for the advice. I will try to plan some activities tho. He hardly ever has time for anything. He just gets up, works, eat Nd goes to sleep. He keeps complaining about his body but doesn’t even go to the gym. He is always busy with work. I will keep my calm, plan activities. If I still keep feeling that something isn’t right, then maybe I will have to quit. Because it’s true I can’t change him, and I shouldn’t change him.January 21, 2021 at 6:47 am #838292
If he is that busy, at least during the week, then i think you do act like a pestering gf. The guy is tired. If you are in touch daily sometimes with a text and a call every few days, thats not a little. In that case i would give him a break and let him contact you. He must have some spare time like a weekend. Chill a bit and go have a lifeJanuary 21, 2021 at 10:49 am #838304
I am happy to receive that perspective Newbie. I never really thought that way. That I could be coming off as demanding Nd pestering. I will try to give him a break too.January 21, 2021 at 12:41 pm #838311
Im basing it on this being temporary and him trying. If its long term its more about being compatible. Like i know total boring dudds that just make you doze off. Thats a choice if its for you or not.January 22, 2021 at 6:18 am #838377
Omg. You put it perfectly. That’s what I am scared of. Either this might or I might lose patience or might just be anxiously waiting for the next time he feels like really talkingJanuary 24, 2021 at 7:27 pm #838754
You know, normally I’m a super chatty gal, but I’ve found myself very quiet during the pandemic. I’ve grown so used to just talking to my family that when I went to the doctor in December and she made chit chat I just really didn’t have a lot to add, and it was embarrassing to realize I was out of practice. When someone is just working and going home they aren’t always inspired to chat a lot. So you have to figure out if he’s always like this or just situationally in weird place.
If this is just who he is, you may not be super compatible. There are chatty men out there (my husband, for one!), so don’t sell yourself short.January 24, 2021 at 8:22 pm #838766
I agree with persephone that there are chatty guys outthere. My man is too, well we both enjoy to talk to each other a lot. So your job is to decide if its temporary or an always thing and if its the last if its a dealbreaker. No one can tell you what to pick. Find your gut and trust it is all i can sayJanuary 25, 2021 at 3:45 am #838818
He does go out with his friends. Then he chats with them. And he meets the same friends everyday. It’s only with me and his family members that he doesn’t chat with these days.