Haven't talked to him since we've had sex (think I'm overreacting)


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  • #420715 Reply
    Kizzy

    Hey guys I’m kinda new to this forum so take it easy on me lol..

    So here’s this situation. I met this guy about a 2weeks ago.. He was beyond handsome, dressed nice and smelled nice.. We hit it off doing the course of the two weeks he texted me consistently sun up sun down.. Asking about my day, how he liked our vibe etc.. We’ve seen eachother numerous of times during the past two weeks. So Saturday we went out. Had a great time went back to his house and of course I stayed the night and we had sex.. Before I left that morning we had sex again., I left and went about my day and he texted me later that day and ask how I was doing. That was on Sunday haven’t talked to him since then.

    I would initiate contacting him but I kinda feel like I shouldn’t. Why all of a sudden did he stop initiating in the first place

    I’m a big girl I can handle casual sex. And if he just wanted to have sex and run that’s fine to! Nothing I would whine or sob over. But I did like him just a lil. I liked his charm, consistency in the beginning and the sex was great.

    Should I contact him? Or play it out? I definitely don’t want to come off as chasing him after sex. Seems like that’s what he wants. I’m sitting here thinking was there something that went wrong or am I just overreacting.

    #420721 Reply
    alia

    General advice on this forum would be to wait for him to contact you (this is of course if you replied to his message already) and to make plans so you don’t “wait around”, wait don’t contact him, but don’t “wait around” holding your nights and weekends hostage just in case he calls.

    #420724 Reply
    Kizzy

    Thanks Alia. I definitely won’t wait around and ok I won’t contact him. Hope he does tho!

    #420725 Reply
    Ashley

    don’t contact him .. and he may be not talking to see if you will go into chase mode/needy mode .. keep cool and dont act any different than you did before sex

    #420727 Reply
    Bunny

    CALM DOWN! It’s only Tuesday and How do you know he’s only using you for sex? Did you guys have the talk? It doesn’t seem like you’re interested in just casual sex from your post you seem to want more from this guy. He may or may not want more than casual sex so you should be prepared for that. Wait it out and let him initiate contact. I know its easier said than done. Best of luck to you!

    #420735 Reply
    Ivy

    Kizzy, I think you are in the grey zone. If you were really cool with casual sex you would barely notice he hasn’t yet called and you certainly wouldn’t have posted here. However, I don’t think that you realize this — but guess what, you had sex and now you have EXPECTATIONS, you expected him to contact you by now. You don’t know this man well enough to expect really anything from him. I doubt you even asked him what his relationship goals are and I don’t know if you are seeking one either. But let’s go to how to respond now that you are here.

    Think about what you want – casual sex, a relationship – what?

    Do not contact him unless you really only want casual sex and don’t care either way if he is responsive to you, if he is genuinely interested in you etc.

    If he contacts you then decide to directly state to him what your dating goal is casual/or relationship and then ask him what his is. Realize that dating is about getting to know him not to assume that sex will lead to a relationship.

    And yes, don’t assume he used you or is using you, that’s an unfair judement to him cause it’s not like you told him that if you two slept together you would expect him to call you within 48 hrs of the act or you would assume he only used you for sex.

    I think the issue here is that your physical connection with him got ahead of your emotinal connection with him and you are expecting boyfriend behaviors from a man you have just known for two weeks. I know you are going to say this isn’t true, but if you review your thoughts you might conclude it is true.

    Some people can handle getting physical first before emotionally connecting, they are typically people who really don’t give a darn, right now you don’t seem to be one of those people, you are hoping he likes you and you are dissapointed he hasn’t yet called. You are going to either have to shift your mindset or not get physical too soon with a man when you don’t know how he will react to you after sex.

    Good luck :)

    #420740 Reply
    talllady

    Any man who stepped up like a boyfriend is in contact pretty soon after sex within 48 hours and sets up seeing you again soon. He did that, but has not asked you out again…. so, you are on the fense.

    Let him be the once to move off of it.

    Next time, do not put out so easily if you want a relationship – 2 weeks is not enough time, and you want to be aligned on what you are looking for.

    If all you want is FWB, by all means contact him, anything more, he should be doing it…

    #420745 Reply
    Kizzy

    You guys are the best! I really can take constructive criticism well. I really needed to hear this advice! I will definitely take note on everyone’s input thanks so much

    #420752 Reply
    alia

    Another nugget I would like to share from one of the best old timers here – Lane :”think and act like you never had sex with him”.

    #421459 Reply
    Kizzy

    Hey gals! So I finally did talk to him, and I decided to text him first and we got a lil understanding about why he hadn’t reached out.. He told me he assumed I didn’t have a good time Saturday and didn’t care to see him again because he asked me to call him Sunday when I got home and I never did he had to call me and I responded kind of dry Sunday when he did reach out..

    So he’s been communicating well with me so far. And I need to keep this ball in my court. now he’s asking when can he see me again! Should I hang out with him this weekend? Should I leave sex out of it?

    #421469 Reply
    Ashley

    Personally I think he’s lazy & lame by saying he didn’t contact you because he was expecting you to. I think that’s a lame excuse. If he wanted to talk to you I feel like he would have & is like being lazy putting the “effort” on you which isn’t good he should be chasing YOU. But I’m glad things are ok now.. make sure he is the one chasing you, initiating contact, planning dates etc. Don’t do the work for him. I think it would be wise to leave sex out of it so he can get to know you on a real level

    #649030 Reply
    rose

    Hey!
    I feel your pain. I am in a similar position. I work with this man we hung out once just casually, then he texted me about how he liked me since we met and wanted to get together again. I suggested another date and this time we had sex. He was very sweet and said all the right things. The next day I asked him to dinner, we went but he was tired and grumpy. After I left and got home he texted me apologizing. I of course said it was all ok. I see him a work in little bits. So the other day I text him saying he should take a smoke break because I was down in that area. He did that but had someone with him. I texted him saying its too bad he always has someone with him and I haven’t heard from him since other than a wave a work here and there. We do not work in the same department. I saw him this past sunday and now its friday with no contact. Hes been crazy buzy at work but I least would have thought he would have text Hi! Now that you got all your advice maybe you can help me?

    #649039 Reply
    Khadija

    Rose please make a new post, you’ll get more responses that way.

    #670456 Reply
    Ari

    Hi! Okay so I’m going to need the much advice as expected. I’ve met this guy two weeks ago. We had a few dates & then on that following week we decided to have sex for the first time. After we had sex he told me he loves me? & was being sincere about it..umm i don’t know if he really means that? But anyways the second time we hanged out & got ourselves a hotel room. Yes, we made sweet love & the sex was great & this was like last night. & ever since he hasn’t texted me at all the next morning. So I’m not quite sure if I should go ahead & text him with a “hi” or “hello”? Like to be completely honest I really don’t want him to screw me over, because I really do like this guy.

    #670597 Reply
    Anne

    Well his explanation was certainly lame. I would be concerned about that. I would think that means he’s quite a player, to think a woman would buy that. And you bought it.

    So he’s setting you up to accept p players lines.

    #718459 Reply
    Christy

    Hey ladies – I also had something like this happen to me recently. I was talking to this guy for a few weeks and on our third date or so he and I realized we both really liked each other and would wait on sex. We went on a few more dates and things were moving smoothly until he slept over and we ended up having sex. His communication has been weird since that day… maybe I’m overreacting? I almost feel a strong dislike for him right now… I do have to say I’m starting my period in 3 days so that may be what’s contributing to it. What do you guys think?

    #718462 Reply
    Umm

    Sometimes the sex isn’t that good and the guy is turned off and not sure how to tell you. It’s odd how a woman thinks a man is gonna love having sex with her. Some men are terrible at sex and it turns me off to them. You don’t say how the communication is weird.

    #718477 Reply
    Kathy

    Christy, How long has it been? You forgot that detail.

    Also, it’s better to start your own post so people don’t have to read the posts from 3 yrs ago.

    #718480 Reply
    Emma

    @Christy, no wonder you feel like you almost dislike him. Not about your period I don’t think. You feel let down. A chance in communication for the worse after sex is quite hurtful. I’d pull away big time in your shoes.

    You see men know that once you sleep with them, you are invested, you are not just going to walk away, so they start pulling stunts. Knowing that a woman would eventually start initiating and asking for more.

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