This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Lane 1 month ago.
January 23, 2020 at 8:45 am #783497
I’ve been dating this guy for a little over 3 months. We are exclusive. We usually hang out 3 or 4 days per week and text regularly. Hes been gone in the Bahamas since Saturday. He was originally there for a wedding and now he’s just doing tourist stuff. This was planned before I met him. I’ve been bothered lately bc I feel like we have not been talking as much as we used to. He takes a long time to respond and hasn’t initiated much. He’s checked in every day but it’s been super short. For some stupid reason I thought he’d actually want to call me and tell me about the trip. Am I being needy here or am I right to be annoyed? Another question I had was would it be weird to send a text like “I know you’re having fun on vacation but I just want to say I miss you” or is that too crazy? I honestly feel like he’s not that into me anymore even though he was before he left.January 23, 2020 at 9:01 am #783500
Better off single
Oh for ffs. Just have some trust and faith he will reach out to you.
Let him off the digital leash and tell him you missed him when you see him again.
Stop trying to control the situation and just let go knowing everything is going to work out as it should.
LET GO.January 23, 2020 at 9:10 am #783501
Thanks. Honestly sometimes you just need to be told “you’re being a psycho” to snap out of an insecurity spell.January 23, 2020 at 9:59 am #783503
You are being needy, and yes it would be weird to send him that text. He’s been gone since Saturday, and today is Thursday. It’s not even been a week. You know why he’s not calling; it’s not because he’s angry or seeing someone else. It’s because he’s busy with friends and having fun. It doesn’t mean that he stopped caring about you, or isn’t thinking about you anymore.
Guys aren’t like women, he’s not going to act like one of your girlfriends and call you up to tell you what a great time he’s having. From what you describe I’m sure he’ll reach out to you when he’s back. Don’t overthink it and act like the clingy girlfriend. Give him his space and let him enjoy himself. He’ll appreciate you even more for that.January 23, 2020 at 10:22 am #783504
You are being super needy and clingy!! Especially this early in the relationship. That’s the kind of thing that makes a guy run for the hills! You said he’s been checking in every day so it’s not like you haven’t heard from him this whole time so what’s your problem?!?
If you’re seeing him 3-4 days a week when he’s home and he was into you before he left then let him miss you! Seriously if he’s on vacation and thinking of you and missing you he may realize he’s falling for you! But if you’re keeping him on a short leash and irritated he’s not calling or texting as much he’s going to get annoyed.
Best thing for you is to get busy and have him wondering what you’re up to because he’s not hearing from you as much!!!January 23, 2020 at 11:09 am #783512
I echo the other ladies, you are being needy and clingy.
He’s checked in everyday. Keep in mind he is on vacation in the Bahamas.
Its a lovely place and when I went I spent my time having fun and enjoy the sights.
Please go find some other way to occupy your time and don’t send that text. That text to me is a way to search for reassurance.
Remember he has a life and other things going on, its called balance.January 23, 2020 at 12:09 pm #783514
Personally – If I ever started feeling this way in a relationship, it was a good reason and I wasn’t needy or clingy. Something was up. I don’t know how much relationship experience you have, but for me in my final analysis that has been the case. I think he should have at least texted you by now. 3-4 months is not a huge time investment, but it’s not noting. I would not reach out and send any texts at this point, but wait for him to reach out. You are still watching his actions at this juncture, and igf this is not acceptable, you can bounce.January 23, 2020 at 12:24 pm #783515
Alia- she said he’s checked in every day. She doesn’t like that his texts are short and he’s not initiating as much. And she doesn’t like that he hasn’t called her.
That’s totally understandable that he’s doing that, he’s on vacation! And he’s at a wedding which means he’s probably catching up with old friends. I don’t see any red flags at this point. I think the OP should just relax and wait for him to get back in town.January 23, 2020 at 9:27 pm #783568
I agree with Alia.
All the time I’ve felt needy and insecure wound up being for a reason, even if rationally there was no reason for me to feel that way. I think it’s instinct.
And if the relationship was right, she would be able to send a text like that and it wouldn’t make a difference. My current partner and I have always been our true selves since day one.
We never had to play games and hide how we felt and we never had to second guess sending a text. I’ve done that in other relationships and none of them ended well. Playing games and hiding your real self may add artificial longevity to a relationship, but it winds up being a waste of time.
That needy and insecure feeling is you second guessing the relationship and whether you’re right for each other. And you have a right to your feelings. Most of the women bashing you and being so rude can’t sustain a relationship to save their lives. They’re the ones men are running from so their advise should be taken with a grain of salt.January 23, 2020 at 9:32 pm #783569
T from NY
I don’t think there’s any harm in saying – “Miss ya babe! Hope you’re having a fantastic trip!”
Then go get a pedicure, watch a movie, go out with a friend, take some sleep medication and zonk out, take a bath, exercise …. You see where I’m going with this. Live your life!
Then. When he’s back. Let him rest from his flight and sunburn and maybe his late nights. WAIT and watch his actions. Let him make the plans to see you. Always let the man lead while being gracious and happy and enthusiastic. If he doesn’t make plans to see you within 48-72 hours of getting back you DEF need to really step back. What’s meant for you will not pass you by! But you’re actions at this crucial time (the 90-120 day mark) are sUpEr important. If he didn’t miss you when he was gone it ain’t love. And you deserve love.
Be patient. Calm. and Confident. A good rule of thumb is — when a man stops making you a priority – it’s your reminder to make YOU your priority.January 23, 2020 at 10:22 pm #783576
The problem with “listening to your instincts” is that we’re all human beings with insecurities– by that I mean past relationship failures, childhood traumas, disappointments, other personal issues. All of us. And many times we confuse own insecurity or anxiety with “instinct”.
I’m not saying there aren’t times when you have to go with your gut feeling about a guy or a relationship. I’m saying that there are times when we filter a guy’s actions through the lens of our own hangups or insecurities, and it doesn’t always present us an accurate picture of reality. That’s when we need to take a step back and evaluate whether we are truly seeing a red flag, or whether we’re reacting to one of our own personal anxieties/issues that may be clouding our judgement.
I like T from NY’s advice (as usual!) Live your life. Don’t overthink it. See what he does when he gets back from his trip. Things will become clear then- ideally he will reach out and be eager to see you. If he isn’t, then you know to take a step back.January 24, 2020 at 5:10 am #783586
Only two people here toldr you the actual truth : Alia and the other one supporting Alia. Let me add some to it . The guy is having the time of his life and he’s NOT thinking about you that much. He might even be having someone else, I don’t mean to scare you but be prepared to any eventuality . The thing is, MEN DO WHAT THEY WANT TO DO . If he wanted to be more present for you, HE WOULD ! He’s on vacation , not on a business trip, and even on a business trip , if he wanted to call and take time for you, he would ! Shine your eyes girl ! you’re not his priority at this moment, and the very fact you’re here asking questions is clue enough that something is definitely off . Listen to your guts . BUT MAKE AN EFFORT TO NEVER ACT NEEDY ; STAY CLASSY and show him that what he’s been up to hasn’t had much effect on you. Live your life . But when he’s back please,stay calm and watch his actions . Then tell him how you’ve been feeling and LET HIM MAKE AMENDS to be forgiven . This is a very decisive moment for your relationship. You have to educate him once and for all on HOW TO TREAT YOU. And if he’s not any better, then you know what you have to do . Cheers !January 24, 2020 at 7:12 am #783590
OMG its no wonder so many ladies are single today! You want to treat men like they are children who should NEVER have any fun or enjoy a vacation without their GF/SO all up their arse!
Thankfully I never felt the need to keep men on a leash. I give them enough freedom and independence to hang themselves with it and interestingly enough they never cheated on me. My ex husband traveled the world (was in the military) where we went weeks without speaking (pre internet & cell phones) but he was the insecure one in that he was afraid someone guy would steal me away while he was gone! Its not fun being with an insecure partner whereas it got to the point where I told him “If you don’t trust me to remain faithful to you then there is no us!” I was seriously considering leaving him over it because of it so be careful or he may pull the plug if you can’t get your insecurities under control! Mine eventually did when he knew he I was ready to walk and that he was the one pushing me away, not some imaginary dude in his head. It improved our marriage when he was finally able to let go of his fears and trust that I wasn’t going to cheat nor runaway with some guy when he was gone.
A solid relationship is built on love, trust and respect that the couple earns through time—without all three components a relationship won’t survive. This is a necessary test for the two of you where if you can’t trust him then you might as well break up with him now because your lack of trust and respect for him is what will drive him away. Let him enjoy his vacation and see how he acts when he gets back, if he goes back to normal then you built some trust, if not, then it wasn’t going to last anyway.