This topic contains 3 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by MF 1 day, 15 hours ago.
June 30, 2020 at 4:56 pm #795046
I recently reconnected with an old FWB that I haven’t seen in over 3.5 years. Our story goes back to about 7 years ago where we met and developed a FWB relationship that lasted over 3 years. We would see each other almost weekly until I broke it off because I met someone.
In the beginning of 2020 my FWB reached out to me via text asking how I was. I responded and we chatted via text for a bit and he asked me to meet up with him (we are both single now). I was hesitant because I felt this was kind of starting where we left off. So I held off meeting for a few months despite him continuing to ask.
We met around 3 weeks ago for coffee and we talked about our past relationships including our FWB relationship. He asked me how I felt about us seeing each other again. I told him I was not interested in a FWB relationship any more. He stated this time we could try for a real relationship. At that point I didn’t specifically ask does that mean exclusivity or BF/GF? I didn’t think it was appropriate but rather let things happen organically.
Since that meetup we met up once more at his place watching movies and hanging out (I did not spend the night).
He asked me out again the following week…however the day was scheduled for Friday but no time was scheduled (he works till 6 on Fridays). When the day came he asked me at 3pm if I wanted to come by his or him by me. I stated I would come by him. By 7pm I hadn’t heard anything so I asked him if he was still working and if we should do it another day? I didn’t want it to be a late night hangout I wanted to go on an actual date which we have never done.
He responded back saying he was looking at a few places (he’s home shopping) but if another day worked better to let him know. I ended up canceling and he told me to let him know my schedule for the following week. The next day Saturday I responded in the evening and told him Sunday or Monday would work since I was going away the end of this week. I also said I know he has his kids on Sunday so wasn’t sure if that was an option for him. He actually asked me if I was busy that Saturday night because he was at a Pub after work. I asked him if he was asking me to join him and he said of course I could. I said I was with my daughter.
On Sunday he texted me but I am not sure if I misunderstood the text..it came across as he would be with his kids but would probably be available later on around 8. I responded back by saying that if we didn’t meet up today (Sunday) it was fine no worries. He never responded to my last message. We don’t text on a daily basis we usually text to meet up.
I just don’t know if I came off as flaky or too unavailable by canceling twice on those last few days?
My GF stated I should reach out if I don’t hear from him by Wed. but I don’t feel I should, I still feel he should pursue. I do like him and I want to get to know him on a different level but even when we were FWB I had a hard time reading him. He also stated during our texts before we met that he felt bad for taking me for granted during our FWB relationship. Both he and I were in long term relationships until the beginning of 2020 mine was 3 years his was 2.
How do I turn a FWB “outlook” on my part into a relationship? I feel I shouldn’t start making demands but I don’t want to be a booty call either.June 30, 2020 at 5:56 pm #795052
I think you are already way too far ahead. First of all there has been years in between and from what i get you got children in that timeframe plus relations and who know what else. Then you met one time and already decided to try for a relatlonship but you cant even make it to the next date. Chill. You have to really date to see if it will work. I highly doubt it btw but ok if two people want to try. So you start over with proper dating. Not hanging out. You ask if you look flaky by cancelling. I dont really see that. You were not available. He however has flaked once already without a proper cancellation. So thats one strike already. And Yes dont follow friends advice. If he wants to, he will set it upJune 30, 2020 at 11:20 pm #795082
Where’s the five alarm fire? What’s the rush? Ever hear of the adage “only fools rush in?” Take some time to reflect on what that means, then take the pressure cooker you’ve thrown him, and yourself into, off the flame, and allow your emotions to cool down.
Your job isn’t to get a man into a relationship. Your job is to carefully *listen* then watch and observe to see if his words, and actions, mesh up on a consistent basis. Always apply the WORDS + ACTIONS = TRUTH formula to a man before you make any rash decisions.
Its a man’s job to get you into a relationship because *he wants* (key words) to be in a relationship with you. He knows how to get a hold of you; knows you have a child; knows that logistically it will be a bit difficult to get together at first until you find a rhythm (dates & times that works best for the two of you). He also knows if he’s really ready to get into a relationship or not, where he might not be there yet because men are notorious for saying things “in the moment” but when they’ve had some time to really reflect, they may decide its not really something they want.
In a nutshell, slow down and be the tortoise, not the hare :o)July 1, 2020 at 2:01 pm #795130
Thank you ladies, I agree that I am jumping the gun here and am way overthinking. Its always good to have an outside point of view.