This topic contains 32 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Queenie 2 months ago.
March 2, 2021 at 8:14 am #846661
The only way you will get clarity on what he’s thinking is by asking him.
I completely understand the urge to pick apart & interpret text messages. I’ve done it myself. The thing about texting is that it’s not the best way to communicate– a lot of nuance is lost over text. Body language, tone, facial expression– all of which are a huge part of communication– are not there when you’re texting. So it’s easy to project things you want to see into a written text. I’m not saying you’re doing that here, but it’s very easy to do, so you have to be careful.
It does sound like you’ve developed a good friendship with this guy, from what you’ve written. But again, that’s what the F in FWB is for. Several folks cautioned you in another thread that men in no-strings-attached situations can be extremely sweet and attentive precisely because they know there are no strings attached. I mentioned in another thread the “situationship” I was stuck in with a “friend” for several years. We would have some very sweet, tender moments, but he always had the option to pull back if I wanted more, or he would pursue other women, precisely because we were NOT a couple. And if I expressed discontent at the situation he would remind me– I had no right to complain, which was technically true. I was choosing to participate in the dynamic.
Anyway, as we’ve all been telling you, you need to have a conversation with this guy. If you talk as much as you say you do, for hours, about all kinds of personal stuff– I don’t see how you HAVEN’T talked about it yet, frankly. Out of curiosity, has he contacted you since the weekend?March 2, 2021 at 9:49 am #846682
Omg, this is exhausting. Just say what I told you to say several threads ago. You like this drama or you are super freaked out about the idea he pulls away.March 2, 2021 at 12:23 pm #846725
I think one of the things I have learned over the years is that when a man is interested in a relationship with you, there is a feeling of security and just knowing he is not going anywhere – at least at the time. Anytime it was casual I kept dissecting different situations, conversations, time together, intimacy, etc. Looking back it was easy to see the difference. In my humble opinion if your head is spinning this much then your gut knows that this is casual and you may not want to face the music. It stinks, but I think if it was a relationship that was moving forward you would have that “gut” security.March 3, 2021 at 10:06 pm #847088
Tallspicy, jeez, if I’m so exhausting, why bother read or respond?!
I am very appreciative of the advice and outsider opinions because it’s so incredibly helpful. I’m trying to grow.
It must be nice to come from a place where you know all and don’t need any feedback.
I don’t enjoy or entice drama, but I thought I found a place to let my thoughts out. My mistake.March 3, 2021 at 11:42 pm #847102
I re-read some of your posts- I’d recommend you re-read them too. They are like journal entries which is great to see where your feelings are. In one of them you talked yourself out of the situationship you’re in saying it’s just a really close friendship. Maybe you’re trying to talk yourself out of it so you don’t get disappointed.March 4, 2021 at 2:15 am #847119
I have, Anon, and I think you’re right. I’ve definitely been talking myself out of it, most of my posts I think likely show that… I’m not proud of it, but personally it’s been helpfulMarch 4, 2021 at 6:55 am #847163
Hi queenie, i noticed the same thing and i responsed on that on another threat. I recognize it: its to prevent yourself from being disappointed if the heart matters dont work out.
Good for telling tall lady to stop reading this if she gets exhausted. You should be able to write what you want.
For me the solution is not even that easy. If i got a guy like that, attentive, sexual, easy going at a moment i would be fine with casual or feel im somewhat fine with casual or pretend im fine with casual but he is the one with feelings (your first post) i would have had a hard time letting that go to ask for a relationship instead. The sex part alone, most of the men i had sex with were just aweful. Thats what you get, most of the time. So i do believe its a careful what you wish for.
But in the meantime: you are trained to avoid being hurt. Thats a problem as it can stand in the way of good things. You might as well work on that while working on mr queenie. Lol
Anyway, good day today. Let it continueMarch 4, 2021 at 6:08 pm #847410
Lol thank you Newbie, :)
I think that’s an excellent idea and plan forward, work on the walls I built up to avoid feeling vulnerable, while mr Queenie works on,… other walls. Lol! :P
Have a great evening, too! And thanks for making me smile! :)