FWB ghosted me

Dani,
Thank you for sharing your story.

I think a lot gets said online that forgets that people are real. The pain of rejection, abandonment and overall feeling alone is very real.

I look at how the *best* relationships I had got started and they didn’t involve the man pursuing me without question. There were definitely times when I had to be vulnerable early in the process. I look at my brothers marriage, and she actually pursued him and moved the relationship along at each stage. She actually asked him to hang out, he never followed up. She finally emailed him and pestered him. My ex and I friend with benefited (before that term existed) our way into a 20 year relationship.

It is very easy to not get hurt and have certainty if you just are passive and wait on very clear signals for men. Then yes, you don’t get ghosted or hurt for the most part. But real life is interpreting a lot of mixed signals and putting yourself out there at times. There may well be women with a bank of men lined up pursuing them, so that they can pick the front runner, but I suspect that is not the norm these days.

yes exactly. even if he says am done and out of here. she will still be hurt. but atleast she knows whats happening. In case of ghosting, you don’t really know whats happening. and that’s so cruel. u don’t know if things are gud or over. so much uncertainty. and because it was not a one night stand and they have been seeing each other for 5 months, she’s bound to feel confused bewildered hurt sad angry. I guess all you can do it wait it out for a few days and then simply get in touch and ask him. atleast that way you would know whats happening.

Except Amy, a LOT of her advice is BAD because it encourages women to wall themselves off and require men to jump thru extreme hoops before showing any vulnerability.

When I think about my past relationships and those of my friends, the vast majority did not begin with a man making a steady and aggressive movement towards a relationship. Most of the women I know in successful relationships also had to risk and step up at times. I know more relationships that came from FWB situations then I do where a girl was consistently “text book” courted by a man.

So yes, you can put up walls and hoops, and you can wait a LOOOOOONNNNNGGGGGG time before you find a man who will jump thru them without you showing some vulnerability at some point. I mean, she’d probably roll her eyes at my sister in law, but hey, she got the ring, a husband with a 6 pack who is a great father, 2 kids and her dream life by playing the aggressor. Sure she took a lot of emotional risks. But I can tell you had she sat back and played cool, she’d have never nabbed my brother.

Anon,

I love the example you gave of your sister-in-law!

I agree with you. I’m not saying, as I gather you aren’t either, that text book courting doesn’t provide more of a sense of certainty (although, nothing is ever guaranteed as certain) according to the scripts written for how things “should be”. That also does not mean any variation from the script means an automatic throwing in of the towel.

Are there times when things aren’t going to work for how you would like them to? Of course. Maybe my perception is skewed for how things are intended but I interpret so much of this talk about value being synonymous with encouraging always walking away, not showing you care at all, or you don’t have any business expressing anything until he skywrites his permission for you to do so as what is devaluing to women. It takes two to tango. People have different reasons for engaging with others. Sometimes those reasons match. Sometimes they don’t. The point is there is more than just one person involved and both have a say for their input for shaping things other than walking away at the drop of a hat. I’m not sure how finding fault with every single miniscule action a woman takes other than waiting on the man is desperate, clingy, or needy. To me, this is telling her she has no say and is beyond foolish to think the guy could give a rat’s a$$ about her other than being good for only one thing.

i.e. (sarcasm but not all too far off)- Your text was too long. He got bored. You blew it. You texted first that day. Doesn’t matter that was the only time you did that. That’s clingy, needy, and desperate. Blew it, big time!

Correlation does not equal causation.

Are there times walking will turn out to be in your best interest? Absolutely. Is it the automatic first thing to do based on the assumption you mean nothing to the other person? No.

I do not understand how walling yourself off to avoid life is mature or speaks of value. To me, maturity and value come from being able to express your intent, take ownership of your intent when it involves vulnerability, and then being able to acknowledge you are disappointed and affected if the other person isn’t receptive but are not ashamed you took control of going for what you wanted. That is when you walk away, not before based on fear or insecurity.

Same boat. But I knew this guy for 10 years. He is my plumber and my families plumber.

We both were married and got dovorced within a year of each other. Neither of us knew that until he came here to do some work.

We went back and forth through text and agreed that we would be fwb. He even sent my mom a text while we were together asking if he could take me out.

So we had sex 4 times…amazing. Then we were supposed to meet up and he said he couldnt was working. Ok no problem. We texted back and forth a few times. He asked what the kids and i were doing for the 4th
..and nothing. Its been 10 days. I passed him yesterday so i know he is alive…

A lot has been talked about women being ghosted by guy’s in a fwb relationship but little on guys getting ghosted by the women’s fwb .I have a long and complicated story that almost positivedly assures my ghoster won’t be coming back.At least not in my remaining lifetime. I’m 66 and she’s 45. I was in this fwb relationship far too long. 22 years. I am married. I met and dated my wife for over a year before marrying her,she never told me she was a recovering drug addict. It was when my druggie wife was off somewhere at a drug pushers house for a few days getting high that I met a woman at a fast food restaurant drive-thru and over time developed a friendship with her. and we became intimate about 4 or 5 years later and my wife still heavy on drugs. This woman had just divorced her first husband 2 mos before i met her. she was pregnant and also had about a year old child from her ex. (Time table may be off by a few months). She always told me she didn’t love me but wanted a FWB relationship. I boughjt her groceries, paid for the kids clothes and her many beauty treatments, hair and nails, spas, xmas and many mall trips, new cars and in return I got the sex and was allowed to take pictures a few times a year althought I developed a love for her and always bought her and her kids stuff all year long at almost anytime. Her sons a tuba and a saxaphone for the school marching band as they got older and tons more. Visited her in the hospital a few times when she had minor surgery because she wanted me there and even bought her and her kids cell phones. As her mom started getting sick I ended up building her mom a wheelchair ramp. When she died, I was asked to come to her memorial, which I did. Getting ahead of myself a little, this woman met and married a guy that she fell in love with, 10 years after we first met. That was supposed to be my cue to stay away and no more FWBs because it’s cheating. But she wanted to continue business as usual and never once said she wanted to end our FWB relationship, As a matter of fact, 7 months ago, 2 days before she ghosted me, she asked me to give her 600 dollars to pay some bills which I did also. My wife who I’m still with but separated has switched from being a druggie to being a drunk and she gets violent when she’s drunk. She was snooping while I was at work and found 6 or 8 recent intimate pictures of the woman on my computer and somehow was able to track her husband down and sent him the pictures. Two of them had us both together in them. At 4pm the woman texted me her husband was sent the pictures of us and by morning I was ghosted. Over 4 months of trying to get her to talk to me by text or on social media, she has blocked me on everything and her sons has threatened and ordered me to stay away or else. She even returned the new chevy traverse I bought her two years earlier. I understand she didn’t love me and that her husband has probably ordered her to never talk to or see me again. but she didnt need to ghost me. I love and miss her and believe she should have sent me a text message at the very least explaining she loves her husband and doesn’s want to risk him leaving her. Text me anything as a final farewell. She was as guilty as I in this. At this point, it’s not good for me to hope I’ll hear from her again because shes been with him for 12 years now and going strong. 7 months ago my wife changed the course of my life. maybe it was for the better. They have one 10 year old boy by the new husband and an adopted boy that came from her own druggie sister.

Flagging this for moderator to review. Lately we have had a number of posts from people using male names. The writing style is similar. I think someone is playing games.