Home › Forums › Texting Advice › From love to ghost
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 3 years, 7 months ago by
Mia.
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Mia
I’m single and in my 30s. One year ago I met up with a Tinder match. We had a good time together but knew it was for a limited time cause I was just visiting his country. We met up 4 times in one week and yes, we had amazing sex. I didn’t necessarily feel a strong emotional connection but definitely a very strong attraction.
We said goodbye but kept texting. I didn’t expect a future with him but I enjoyed our contact and chatting with someone very different from the men I usually meet in my home country. I knew he was seeing other women and I was seeing other men too. Our texts were sexual lots of the time but not entirely.
One day he told me that he loved me and I didn’t really believe it. We would write each other nearly every day and he started asking if I loved him and I couldn’t say that I did. One day he asked me the same question again and I said I was afraid to fall in love with him. He replied that my fear meant I already did love him and I replied that it probably did.
After halfway admitting to loving him about 3 weeks ago things changed. He went completely cold. Most days he doesn’t reply to my messages or read them even and when he replies it’s in single sentences without asking how I’m doing. We used to say we missed each other. When I tell him I miss him now he says “I’m sorry”. He tells me he’s busy but who doesn’t have time for one text message? I’m about to fall into the trap of bombarding him with messages but doing my best not to. I’m wondering if I’ve been a game to him. If he collects I love you’s from girls and disappears when his mission is complete. This really doesn’t seem fair after one year and I’m going crazy not knowing what’s going on. Is there something obvious here that I’m not understanding?Ewa
question here is do you think men fall in love through texting? they don’t , you have a texting relationship with this guy nothing else, he was probably laughing when you told him you love him, how could you anyway?
he sounds like a player, I wouldn’t even bother texting him :)Sophia
I agree with Ewa that men, or anyone really, don’t fall in love through texts. If he loved you I think he would have visited in the last year (pre-Covid restrictions).
Most likely he recently met someone local that he is seriously interested in who is taking up his time and attention. You had four dates and since then have been pen pals.
No need to bombard him with texts. Actually my advice would be to not text him anymore.
It will break that bond and allow you to focus more on the local men you’re dating, rather than having the notion in the back of your mind there’s something going on with a man who lives in another country that you haven’t seen in a long time.
tammy
i think he was just at a loose end and so messaged you all that. hes probably met someone new and hence occupied for the present. i think he may get back to you once hes free again. don’t fall in that trap girl! you come across as a smart practical girl who has her head in place. you went for a holiday and had a fling. nothing more nothing less. think about it. if he was genuinely interested and elated when you said you could be in love wouldn’t he have shown a better response? he didnt! you were right when you thought of this as just a holiday fling.
don’t fall off your wagon and start bombarding him with messages. hes not worth it! just remind your self that you are anyways not in love with him and move on! if you feel that you could fall in this trap of messaging him to find out why he ghosted thn dont! just block his number for the present and put him out of your mind. holiday fling is truly over. move on to the next!
Mia
Yes I agree that it’s not possible for a man or a woman to fall in love through texts. I don’t wanna believe that anyone would laugh if you told them you love them unless they’re genuinely evil people who just want to see other people in pain and I think (and hope) that that is rare and not the case with this person. But it’s true, I’m not in love with him but I am a horrible attention addict. Anyway, what was bothering the most was the fact that it had been a whole year and he would then just disappear. He did write me again to apologize and I’m trying so hard not to get emotionally caught up in this. I am dating other men so it’s just one of those sad “give me attention”/ time filler situations. At least I’ve acknowledged it, right? :)
Thanks for all your advice
mg
Women do the same thing. I just ghosted someone that came back because he had a police record.
I really liked the guy. Hot and everything, but he had a police record for something he did that I cannot really be involved with as a person of value.
It took me a day to really think through my decision. Made my decision and unmatched him on tinder. That’s where we originally met. He matched me again and he continues to chase me.
Trust me, you do not want to know what he did. While I believe reform is possible for everyone, I could not go back to him. So, I ghosted without telling him.
He will try to come back again.
He is not interested.Mia
Yes I definitely think ghosting has become the new normal in dating. I had it done to me so many times. Almost having trouble remembering someone who didn’t do that to me. I just think it’s really not ok behavior. I’ve spent so many hours thinking: was it my quarantine body? was it my needy text message? and other ridiculous speculations so I would say that I’d be happier with a white lie or a harsh truth than being ghosted.
Of course you shouldn’t be involved with someone who’s life is messed up in that way but no harm in just writing him that you can’t be with someone who’s a criminal and then ghost him. Maybe he has no clue why you’ve disappeared
Sophia
Hi Mia.
I’m really glad you acknowledge the attention seeker part of your personality. Very brave of you. I read somewhere that self awareness is the cornerstone of self improvement, so rock on sista! Good for you!
=^ )Mia
Thank you Sophia, really appreciate it. If Phil McGraw taught me anything it’s that you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge so I should be on my way:D
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