Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Friend zone
- This topic has 22 replies and was last updated 3 years, 6 months ago by
Ss.
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Cait
There was a guy from work that worked in a different department to me . I spoke to him briefly and we swapped numbers. He never really contacted me but one day he text me and asked me to meet , I was forward and asked if it was a date he said let’s not label it .
He took me to a fancy place ( he paid )and and we flirted it was kind of nice . He said I looked good and I he was asking about me etc .
Anyway the next day talking about meeting again he said too me I should take things slow as he didn’t want to rush as something may happen ( romantically ) it we don’t rush . I was a bit surprised at this. I was a bit surprised at this and said honestly I was looking to date someone consistently / get to know them etc. . He said okay let’s just be friends.
He texted me a few months later lots of snapchats and I just asked what he wanted from me as they were selfies etc and I found them annoying if I’m honest . He said to be friends .
Was I only ever in the friend zone ?
Ss
You’ve already posted this and i think more than once? Yes you are friend zone. His actions and words have made that pretty clear. He literally said to just stay friends.
Not sure what you want from keeping posting the same thing on here???
Cait
SS what I don’t get is why someone says to not rush something , because if it is a friendship I don’t get the don’t rush .
I was wondering if he only ever saw me as a friend , but I guess men must take women out that they just see as friends .I’m trying to reflect on my dating life at the moment and I’ve realised I’ve made lots of mistakes.
Cait
What I don’t like about this forum is that people are upset and they ask for advice , yes sometimes it is variation on a theme …. BUT if they are feeling upset or reflecting upon something it happens. People can be quite cruel with their responses . I won’t post again SS , if that makes you happy .
Newbie
What kind of mistakes you think you made then in the past? I personally dont mind double posting except when it keeps happening and you realize nothing i say (write) gets heard so its a waste if my time. If you post and you dont agree or you want to add someting, just do. From this post i think he was trying to get in your pants with the first date and lost interest after that
Cait
Hello
I think that in the past I have thought too much on the bright side of things and believing what they say . For example him telling me not to rush gave me some kind of hope it wasn’t me.I have also realised that in some cases they guys have no interest or a very weak interest in me . I wondered in this case was he taking me out as a friend and I misinterpreted it .
It’s taken me a long time ( for some reason ) to realise that if a guy doesn’t flirt etc on a date or make another arrangement , he is not interested.
Truthfully I think this guy may well have wanted to get in my pants but wasn’t interested as soon as he saw me . It hurts because he had seen me before . I thought he was a real prospect and I got it sooo wrong .
It don’t fancy guys often and this one was not about me at all.
Cait
I don’t *
ANM StaffKeymasterCait (Mya, Melissa, Ally, Katie), I don’t think people here intend to be cruel with their responses. Some people are blunt, yes, but sometimes that bluntness is what’s needed to dislodge a person from their mental prison.
I’m sorry to see that you’re struggling over these situations. Really! I volunteer my time to keep an eye on the forum because I want vulnerable people to feel safe talking about their troubles. I want people to read that little bit of advice that makes them say “ah!! I think I understand! This makes me feel better!” I want that to happen for you.
I also want the community to feel like their time and emotional investment is not disrespected. Everyone here has very different reasons for participating in this community, but they all share a desire to see people figure out their situation and grow. I want people to feel like their efforts here are worth something.
That last part is why I’m responding to you. Our community members have noticed that you’ve been posting a similar set of questions over the past few months.
You’re not obligated to respond to anyone, of course. But the problem is, if you don’t respond, then come back and post the same question… then people are going to wonder, are you listening? Are you actually trying to gain clarity?
That leads people to be frustrated. That leads people to be blunt with you. People will wonder, why should they put time into their responses if you’re going to come back and ask the same thing a month form now?
The thing is, maybe you really are learning. Maybe you’ve had growth and success over the past few months. But, we can only make observations based on what you’re writing. And if you’re writing about the same thing… then we just don’t see that progress.
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Anyway, my point: I don’t intend for this to be mean, or needle you, or “expose you”, or whatever. I want this forum to be a helpful place to you. I want you to get better.
But I also need a positive sign that you’re mindful of our community’s efforts. You may not agree with their advice or attitudes, but I ask that you respect their time.
So, if you choose to come back, please stick with a consistent name. It can be “Cait” or “Mya” or “Katie Lonely Hearts” or whatever!
When you ask our community questions, I suggest you explain how your question is different from before. Bookmark your topics, and when you want to ask a question, look back at what you’ve asked before, and explain how your new question is different than before. Explain what you thought about the advice you’ve already received.
I ask you to do this because I believe it will help you. Reflecting on your previous posts and writing new posts that way may help you realize some things before you even press the Submit button.
And also, if our community members see growth, they will be supportive of you!
Please be well.
Cait
Hello, I would put the same name but I’m scared to get told off . The reason I ask the same question over seemingly is because it has taken me a while and a lot to events( which are linked ) to wake up and smell the coffee about some situations. I ask about this situation not so much to change the outcome , but because I see it as a pattern of mine. I suppose it seems like I want a different answer ‘ oh yes of course he likes you ‘.Truthfully, I struggle because I heard new information about this person and some people really can be quite sinister and I don’t want to get into any more traps with my naivety again . Yes I am that naive !
Looking on this situation as a previous poster has said he may have just tried to get in my pants . It has come to light he does this with women previously ( i.e multiple at work ) .
I don’t come back because I feel embarrassed that I am not a woman who can spot signs easily. I’ve had lots of rejection etc. I don’t get men that are into me . This is quite a problem for me. It has taken a long time to see my errors .
Newbie
Stick to katie’s lonely hearts club. Thats catchy. Might become KL over time lol or read more about dating and picking up signs of interest. This site has plenty of good articles
Cait
Can I have my posts deleted from the site please anm staff ?
Cait
Thanks for your sarcasm newbie
Newbie
And dont be embarrashed. Finding a good partner is really hard and women are too easy in becoming emotional detectives with their radar totally upside down. If i told you all the horrible things i did dating related you would be Rolling over the ground laughing since looking back its no big deal. Take care
Newbie
I wasnt being sarcastic btw. I was serious. Its a Beatles reference
Cait
@newbie
Thank you !Anderson
You know, Keymaster, for a long while I’ve admired your moderation. Your elaborate responses are a reflection of your sincerity and warmth. You make a lot of sense, are rational, and someone I find myself agreeing with almost always. Few months ago you erred and started micromanaging a good debate between users, but hey, you’re only human
I’m completely on board with *thread creators* sticking with just one username. But suspending/banning commenters just because they used a different name. That’s appalling and so uncharacteristic of you that I’m actually surprised and a little confused. It makes absolutely no difference that I chose to use “Smith” instead of “Anderson” as a *commenter*. Especially since one comment was a single line question, and the other comment was actual advice completely unrelated to the question. So it’s not like my intention was to bolster my opinion. It was just wordplay- that’s it.
I’m not sure if you’re on a power trip. I’m expecting this comment to not go through, or it won’t even be read because it’s automatically blocked. But I wanted to speak my mind before I don’t return here. Because someone has to give you some accountability because otherwise it looks like the autonomy you have has clearly been going to your head. Cheers
ANM StaffKeymasterHi Anderson – You’re not banned or even on a radar of suspicion! I was wondering what you were talking about at first, but I think I see what happened now. I zapped some of your legitimate posts while removing some other posts from somoene else. I’m very sorry about that. You’re fine, I don’t mean to blow up your posts.
There’s been a persistent person who’s been writing nasty responses to people and also posting topics that they’ve been told repeatedly not to post. I’ve been updating the filters to keep up with their persistent and troubling behavior. (That’s something that’s separate from what I was talking about earlier in this thread. Sorry about that, Cait!) I’ll make sure your email stays on the allow list. (I might need to manually approve stuff at first until I can fine tune the filter but I’ll get there.)
I appreciate the perspective that you’re bringing to the community, Anderson. I’m sorry if I blunted your enthusiasm to post here.
Newbie
I like this moderated too. Sometimes i get cranky and knowing i have to control it helps (to acceptable levels i hope).
But cait, i checked some of the names the mod was given and i realised you were also the girl asking over and over again if a guy would respond during covid-19. Yeah you were driving me insane. Ill explain why. I have the weirdest horoscope. Every house and whatever is in some sort of dream land. Really to an extreme, and it does suit me. It got me nowhere in life but happy dreams. I didnt understand what love looked like because i made it up, i never let love in since i had no clue what it looked like. I spend a life time reading guys signals wrong and chasing them. With nothing to show for, no kids, no marriage, no nothing. 3/4 of my life i was happy anyway but i was starving for affection not knowing i was. Youre me, the next me. I wish anything for you not to be me. Get out of dreamland if you really want to find love, take a chance, crawl out of your shelf, talk to friends. you keep reading a lot into nothing and if im right its because your heart is not really open. Take careRaven
Mee thinks he was just looking for sex…
mg
I think it is awesome they have a moderator.
Now to the poster: Keep it friendly and cordial. You never know how a person feels. What I have been told from men is that they like 2 things: Attraction and someone they can talk to. If they have the attraction but not really someone they can talk to, then you have been put in the fwb situation.
If they feel like they can talk to you but no attraction, then yes, you are in the friendzone.
If you have both qualities, then you are relationship material.
Hope that helps.Cait
@newbie
I’ve not been on a date or spoken to a man since January , honestly ! Definitely not been speaking to anyone properly since Covid 19.Cait
Ps thanks all for the replies I’ve concluded this one now :)
Ss
I didn’t mean to be rude to you OP. I just genuinely don’t get why you keep posting the exact same thing. Its not like you added any details that made it different. You post exactly the same thing hence why i recognised it and asked you why.
Its better to stick to your friend and do an update then keep repeating the same info on new threads. You got lots of advice on your other threads and posting the question again with no additional information is not likely to get you a different response.
There is no need to feel embarrassed. We have all made dating mistakes- some of mine are utterly mortifying to this day! I just find it annoying to keep repeating myself which is why i said you had posted before
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