Falling for potential


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This topic contains 2 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Sylvia 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #929773 Reply

    Eva

    What are the strategies to stop falling for potential/ hoping that a guy not searching for relationship gets back in touch once his situation/wishes change?
    I mostly do a good job of weeding out those not open to something serious before it gets to dating, but every now and then it happens that I start dating an overall nice guy and it turns out he doesn’t want /isn’t ready or open for something more (usually not over ex or stress at university/job).
    I have learned what you see is what you get, so I do force myself to break it off and on rational level I know it’s a good decision. But I have serious problem letting go of hope that it’s a “right person, wrong time” situation. I get more sad when I notice a guy deletes my contact info than I was sad about ending it. I do continue to date and eventually I move on, but I believe I’m prolonging emotional discomfort in comparison with women who manage to be over and done immediately. At this point it feels like I’m falling for potential and not guys themselves.
    How to let go not just of a guy right now, but also of future potential?
    Thanks!

    #929804 Reply

    Lane

    I have found the best strategy is to take the “out of sight, out of mind” approach by removing them completely from your life, and then find things (activities/hobbies) to occupy your mind until you can smile and laugh again.

    Its also a great time to “take a dating break” and enjoy life on your own for awhile. For instance, after a break up I would go on anti-dating binges for at least 6 months to a year or longer and just have fun. Its liberating to do “what you want, when you want, anytime you want, with whomever you want” and not have to worry about someone else. For some odd reason this “mentality” takes the pressure off men when they can see you have zero desire to trap them into something, such as a relationship, and that *vibe* makes them more apt to chase you because your hard to be caught lol.

    #929823 Reply

    Sylvia

    (I do not recommended hooking up!) My friend jokingly says that if I really (the really is a must!) looked at guys as a hook up because I missed s*x I’d not stress so much so I’d have better odds to actually find a guy.
    Like I don’t waste my time anymore trying to crack a code. (guy). It’s not a money-heist tv series case.
    Also you probably like me used to read too much about when how etc..
    Btw, the issue with timing is sometimes real!

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