This topic contains 1 reply, has 1 voice, and was last updated by T from NY 4 months, 1 week ago.
January 18, 2022 at 9:54 pm #930727
I was in a 5 month long FWB situation with a guy who was very emotionally unavailable. At first I was doing okay with it. I wasn’t really into him much. But we clicked and my attraction to him grew. We started doing more “friend” stuff like going out to eat and drink before we’d go back to my place.
He told me if I ever caught feelings I should let him know. I fought it for awhile but I fell HARD. I ended it about a week ago and I can’t stop thinking about him. I almost feel like I’m mourning the loss of a friendship, however brief. I did get the sense he genuinely enjoyed spending time with me but he didn’t want a relationship with me.
Since I ended it I’ve had a hard time not thinking about him. I will no longer be looking for a FWB because I now know I can’t do it. Any advice on how to speed up my healing process?January 19, 2022 at 1:30 am #930733
T from NY
You are mourning. It’s a loss of a connection and attraction. But healing can’t be speeded up. No way around – just through. One thing that might help is for you to google – Your Brain when going through a Breakup. Understanding the chemical processes of loss, the effects of the bonding hormone that you have because you were having sex, etc can help, sort of, de-romanticize it all.
And I would say that 90% of women (or some arbitrarily high number) cannot have FWBs without getting royally hurt. I believe it because there is no such thing as a FWB working out – because it’s always NOT a friend to one party who catches feelings (mostly women). I was successful in having a f#%k buddy but that’s only because I set hard, fast rules about not chatting a lot, no dates, spending long periods of time together – anything that would have tricked my brain into the situation being ANY thing other than what it was – Sex and connection, not a long term relationship.
And to be really honest – all breakups are easier (not easy) if you dedicate love to yourself FIRST. All the time. Because as sad as you feel missing a connection, you’re pride and feelings of incredible self worth make any man who doesn’t recognize you like that – lose estimation in your eyes.
So be still. Sit in your discomfort. Feel your feelings. Do some reading, some reading and some moving. Tend to YOU. You’ll be through it and wiser soon enough.