Emotionally Unavailable Men

How is Your emotional availability?

I like to think im pretty open. Maybe im a little damaged from past relationships because most of them ended up being about sex. I try to make others happy and tend to forget about myself.

As far as dating, its 50/50.

Its crazy but most of the people who talk to me im not interested in or im not attracted too. I dont understand why i keep picking the same type of guys.

Marie, this resonates with me. I had the same issues in my mid 20s and was even single for many years after. Though not for lack of trying! I was not attracted to many people but when I was they’d start off good but end up non-committal. I definitely described it as it felt like my “picker” was broken, and was very confused. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong or why I attracted tepid men, and my friends couldn’t help. They suggested bad luck. I *thought* I was emotionally available, since I was happier in relationships than not.

What it turned out the problem was, was that I had an anxious insecure attachment style. It wasn’t conscious, my friends had never heard of it, but I was only attracted to avoidant and non-committal men for complicated reasons. But it meant I wasn’t emotional available either, though it looked different than it does with someone obviously non-committal. I had to do a lot of introspection and research and exercises to shift it, since it was based on earlier life experiences that needed to be untangled. Now all my relationships are a lot healthier. There’s 3 types of insecure attachment styles. Thais Gibson gives a good overview.

I think it’s great you’re asking about why you’re choosing the same types repeatedly, since it took me a while to frame it that way and stop seeing it as why do the same types keep choosing me. You’re asking the right question, and I hope this helps you find some answers!